Flunk Day 2015

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Considering the "Final Flunk" is already years passed, will there even be a Flunk Day this year? Is it always going to be on a Monday? Will Students For Flunk Day Truth actually "battle against the academic gluttony of the East Coast Ivory Tower Intellectual Liberal Elitists" and once and for all convince the Knox community that Flunk Day is not, in fact, real? Most importantly, what we must ask ourselves at such times is, "Should I grab my bong and Pabst Blue Ribbon now and squeeze and extra 12 hours out of this Flunk Day or wait for the email?" For answers, we look to history: Flunk Day 2014, Flunk Day 2013, and so on. As for tangible, informed sources, we know that only the true harbinger of Flunk is that revered pastoral scene of Xavier Romano and Roger Taylor riding Ol' Smokie (their unicorn) and puffing on their 6-footer. Until such a time comes: Flunk on, brave Flunkers, Flunk on.

This Flunk Day was on a Wednesday. Much better weather than the year before too. There was a zipline!

Contents

[edit] June 18, 2014

Galesburg zoned for marijuana growing operations, THIS COULD BE HUGE.[1]

[edit] October 12th, 2014

3:32 PM STUDENT CAF WORKER INSIDER INFORMATION: Multiple beer kegs seen inside the loading area for the cafeteria. Could be for homecoming, OR HOMECOMING COULD BE A COVER. Helmut's stockin' up.

[edit] November 2nd, 2014

1:02 PM First signs of Hamgenda appear on campus. Several students receive ham in their omelettes when they asked for bacon. From this point on the Hamgenda's presence can only increase.

1:12 PM Students create first anti-Hamgenda party.

[edit] November 10th, 2014

Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars released. Uptown Funk? Uptown FLUNK. THIS IS HUUUUGGGEEEEE!!!

[edit] January 1st, 2015

Decoding the numbers from 2015 into letters 2-B 0- nothing 1-A 5-E

2015 WILL BE THE YEAR OF BAE Flunk day will be the flunk of bae

[edit] March 5th, 2015

WILD WILD FLUNK shirts being sold in Seymour while Donor Days sunglasses handed out, for FREE. This could bE HUGE.

[edit] March 7th, 2015

Helmut claims the dishwasher is broken, different brands of paper plates and plastic cups being used in the caf. Is the dishwasher really broken? Or are the cafeteria workers testing paper plate brands for FLunk Day?? Seems the dishwasher broke around the same time last year..hmm this cOULD BE hUGE!

[edit] Friday, March 20

Union Board announces that the "Flunk Day Pep Rally," at which the Flunk Day theme will be announced and seniors may sign up to be Friars, will be on Wednesday, March 25. Students contemplate whether to show up for this event drunk, high, or drunk and high.

[edit] Wednesday, March 25

Maybe Teresa will announce that the Pep Rally IS AND WILL COUNT AS Flunk Day this year. Wouldn't that be exciting?

"After the Pep Rally, let's all gather together in the Quads as a community and start digging the mud pit." - Roger Taylor

Tuesday, FB, Matt Sugai: "Flunk Day is tomorrow. Pass it on." <--- 35 likes <--- alumni confirmation from Nick Price and Jamie Ruml. <--- Andrew Cook: "has there been any wikifire activity yet?"

Diana Marutyan is a secret Flunk Day planner <--- CONFIRMED! <----NO IM NOT. LEAVE ME BE.

Union Board: Theme is Jurassic Flunk. Matt Sugai: Theme is Uptown Flunk. WHO TO BELIEVE???? #TeachtheControversy

Kyle Hall: "I was considering putting as the subject for the email for the show tonight 'FLUNK DAY THEME REVEALED.' Then they'd open it and it'd be like, 'The Flunk Day theme is punk. Come to the show.'" <--- Kyle Hall is a secret Flunk Day planner? #FlunxNotDead

[edit] Friday, March 27

Coltan Parker confirmed Flunk Day planner!! Wiktoria Goscik steps down from Union Board... THIS COULD BE HUGE

[edit] Wednesday, April 1

Cafeteria menus on My.Knox resort to gibberish. No meals tomorrow? FLUNK DAY.

[edit] Thursday, April 2

Coltan Parker and Ashlee Pitts seen walking together outside of Seymour Library. Highly suspicious.

[edit] Monday, April 6

Overnight, the lawn in front of Alumni Hall has been turned into a symbol of the mud pit. It's a bold move, but perhaps the administration decided that the reopening of this building was a momentous enough occasion to finally announce their secret support of the pit and all it's muddy goodness.

Housing lottery numbers have still not been given. Koreen is obviously shirking her duties and drinking in preparation for Flunk Day tomorrow.

Michelle Weber -- Super secret Flunk Day Planner. Frequents Travis Greenlee's office and has a penchant for dinosaur-themed antics. THIS COULD BE HUGE. ------> CONFIRMED. MICHELLE WEBER IS SUPER SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNER.

[edit] Wednesday, April 8

Caf ladies overheard talking about having to come in EXTRA early on Wednesday. THE DAY OF FLUNK IS UPON US!!

Some Union Board members also mentioned having to work early in the morning???

Travis Greenlee was spotted on campus doing some "last minute preparation". Prepping... for FLUNK DAY?!?!?!!? <------ As hard as Travis works, there is NO WAY he would be on campus this late unless it was something as urgent as an early-morning Flunk Day!

6 large trailers in the walmart parking lot???????<------- BOUNCE HOUSES?! <---- WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!

11:57 PM Trains were heard. It's a sign. Prepare to Flunk.

[edit] Saturday, April 12th

IMPORTANT: After some digging (both in the mud pit and figuratively) the following evidence has been identified..

1.The theme is Jurassic Flunk--> Jurassic Park was directed by Steven Spielberg--> Spielberg directed the movie Lincoln--> The screenplay for Lincoln was written by Tony KUSHner --> I think you see my point here.

aka guest flunk appearance by Steven Spielberg and his 6 foot bong.

[edit] Monday, April 13th

First: this date tag was left blank for the entirety of April 12... This is very suspicious.

Second: On April 12th, Cassie McLaughlin posted on Facebook that Union Board has finished selling Flunk Day T-shirts. Confirmation that this is THE DAY??? I think so.

Also, The Knox Student has redone the layout of the paper. I have confirmation they have finished the Flunk Day edition of the paper.

Confirmed: Cassie McLaughlin sent Union Board an email telling them the times they would be working Flunk Day shifts. She also stated via Facebook T-shirt sells were ending.... FLUNK DAY IS NEAR

First scare was today. THIS COULD BE HUGE. <---- CONFIRMED the season of Flunk can now officially begin

[edit] Tuesday, April 14th

Several students have been seen changing their profile pictures to pictures from last year's flunk day.

ON TOP OF THAT THE GOOGLE LOGO HAS GONE WESTERN (IN REMEMBRANCE OF LAST YEAR'S WILD WILD FLUNK??) THIS IS DEFINITELY HUGE. THE FLUNK IS SOON.

Michelle Weber overhead talking to a friend on the phone about acquiring and/or expanding her Flunk Day stash. THE FLUNK IS NIGH.

[edit] Wednesday, April 15th

The annual flunk day email has been sent. I repeat, the email has been sent. Any day is now fair game for flunkage.

April 16th isn't even on here. This could be huge

Michelle Weber left her apartment late in the night and returned stumbling and singing the theme to Jurassic Park. She won't tell her roommates where she went. Flunk preparation activities? Check: Yes.

[edit] Thursday, April 16

Knox friars spotted preparing and drinking for Thursday's flunk day! Turn Up Up!flunk day 2015!

I'm still up in Seymour working on a IR paper from hell. No activity in the mailroom. It isn't today.

Everything about today is no.

Sources confirm that Michelle Weber is having a private Jurassic Park viewing party in her apartment this afternoon in order to brief herself on dinosaur-handling ethics. A quote from Michelle herself: "No dinosaurs will be harmed in the making of this Flunk." Stay tuned.

[edit] Friday, April 17

This is the last admitted students day. Let the games (and the flunking) BEGIN!

[edit] Monday, April 20

Flunk Day recently has been on a lot of Mondays, and maybe the administration hopes to kill two birds with one stone by forcing Knox students to consolidate two of their most important holidays. If there is anything we know to be true, it is that having a Flunk Day on 4/20 would be like having your birthday on Christmas, only worse.

Bethany is visiting for the weekend, possibly staying Monday to celebrate the flunk she never had as planner? -- CONFIRMED. Bethany is staying with Michelle Weber. Possibly conspiring as an alumni super-super-secret Flunk Day Planner.

Knox is famous for rainy Flunk Days...so it's definitely today.


WICTORIA CHANGES HER PROFILE PICTURE= FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW!

Yik yak claims there was significant digging done on the mud pit last night. Somebody confirm!

Approximately 9pm- Alyssa Gill, alum extraordinaire, makes a suspiciously flunky Facebook post telling us all to get some sleep... Tomorrow is flunk day

[edit] Tuesday, April 21

The only significant event on the events calendar is Natasha Trethewey. She was the commencement speaker last year, so she could be in on the Flunk plan!<-----Last I spoke with the TA they arranged this recently, until two weeks ago the date was up in the air. Flunk day was not planned around this.

Union Board official Flunk Day shirts are IN! Just in time for Flunk tomorrow?

Past Flunk Day planner, Bethany Marinier, sited on campus and speaking to Travis. They must have needed help with final preparations for Flunk Day TOMORROW and called in backups!

[edit] Wednesday, April 22

As of Tuesday, April 21, Walmart is out of Nalgene water bottles. THIS COULD BE HUGE

Professional photographer will be on campus on both the 22nd and 23rd. Coming to take pictures of Flunk Day perhaps?

Campus hasn't been buzzing nearly as much as it should be by now... This is the perfect time for the school to pull a surprise hump day flunk! What has humps besides a Wednesday flunk day? Dinosaurs. You're welcome.

Steve Harwell spotted running into the memorial gym - this could be HUGE. Smash mouth has arrived.

Is the Mud Pit ready yet? The Mud Pit determines when we flunk.

[edit] Thursday, April 23

William Shakespeare and Clint Davis celebrate their respective birthdays (420 years apart) today.

Overheard some caf workers talking about a big shipment coming in today. Flunk Day food? GET YOUR STASHES READY! THE FLUNK IS UPON US!

Former professor said he has been hearing rumors that he is "feeling good about" and advised to get prepared tonight. Can this source be trusted? Should we all be holding onto our butts?? <--- depends on where he heard the rumors, but if he's advising us to get prepared it might be a good source

Prof. Stuart Allison seen walking in front of the Beanhive carrying a suspicious paper bag at 3:48 PM. Clearly it is hallucinogenics. Clearly it's prep for flunk day. THIS COULD BE HUGE~!!

I'll be pulling another all nighter for Sue's IR theory class most likely, so I'll give updates on any mailroom activity early in the morning. In the future someone who lives in seymour should probably be checking the mailroom at 4 or 5. <--- what time do they start stuffing mailboxes? People should be checking the caf too! Helmut has to get in early to make Flunk Day Breakfast!

Yo, guys. They locked the mailroom. They're gonna fill all the boxes with goodie bags TONIGHT. THE FLUNK IS UPON US. <--- They lock the mailroom every night, we need more evidence than this

On Wednesday, April 22, actual Michelle Weber said, and I quote, "I reallllyyy hope tomorrow isn't Flunk Day." Which means: PREPARE TO FLUNK.

11:13 PM-The big one has the others testing the fences. They're looking for weaknesses. Flunk is nigh.

11:17 PM- Seniors in the Hamblin area screaming that Flunk Day is tomorrow.

Cassie McLaughlin asked Diana Marutyan to cover her C-Store shift tomorrow. Surely this means that Flunk Day isn't tomorrow???<---Unless this is just meant to throw us off the scent!

I asked Cassie McLaughlin if Flunk Day was tomorrow and she said, "I don't know, is it?" FLUNK CONFIRMED

Cassie McLaughlin is being talked about a lot today. She is slightly uncomfortable. <---confirmed

Coltan Parker's planner has X's on the 28th, 29th, and 30th. What does this mean??

11:45 PM-I have still have half of this paper to write. Based on my luck, flunk will be tomorrow and I will write the rest hungover on Friday. <--- Hello hulett my old friend

1:00AM-MAILROOM LIGHTS ARE ON!!! IDK HOW I GOT IN HERE [2] <--- This isn't a picture from tonight, there's way more stuff down there right now.

1:26 AM-Teresa and Ray spotted riding across the Quads on a T-Rex. THIS COULD BE HUGE.<---Anybody hear that? It's a, um... It's an impact tremor, that's what it is... I'm fairly alarmed here <---CONFIRMED!!<---Couldn't catch a pic of the T-Rex, but here's my water cup as evidence! [3]

1:31 AM-Senior Social went past expected time and seniors migrated to Cherry St. Their movement patterns are just like birds. Birds are dinosaurs. FLUNK CONFIRMED >>> "False. Birds may be descendants of theropods, but even that is controversial and based entirely on cladistics. Flunk day cannot be tomorrow." - Mikko Jimenez

1:35 AM-Campus suspiciously quiet...<---CONFIRMED. Silence = THE FLUNK IS NIGH!<---Campus is obviously trying not to move to hide from Teresa's T-Rex. FLUNK DOUBLE CONFIRMED

2:25 AM — I really really want to give up on this paper but I'm going to crank out 2 more pages and live with the consequences of not caring at all. IF IT IS FLUNK DAY TOMORROW SOMEONE WILL UNDOUBTEDLY GET YOLKED UP.

[edit] Friday, April 24

A road crew in China discovered dozens of fossilized eggs, clearly this is a sign of the unexpected: A FRIDAY FLUNK


Michelle Weber, Coltan Parker, and Diana Marutyan spotted at Baked at the SAME TIME. Friday flunk preparations in the works?! THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!

imagejpeg_0.jpg <---- That is a very convincing piece of evidence, FLUNK TOMORROW

[edit] Saturday, April 25

The paper plates and plastic utensils were out for lunch. Helmut leaves and secrets get out.


[edit] Sunday, April 26

April 26, 1995: "The Making of Jurassic Park" aired

[edit] Monday, April 27

Nothing on the calendar for today and nothing on the Wikifire yet either? Suspicious...

The planners really like Mondays. Flunk Day has been on a Monday for the last couple of years. I'm sure it's this day. I can just feel it.

A little pterodactyl just flew by my window and told me that this will be the day. Would the cute little thing lie to me? That's your call but I'd get ready for a three day weekend!!! LET'S MOTHER FLIPPING FLUNK!!!


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There's a punk show on Sunday night at 8 at the barber shop. This means flunk must be Monday. Punk day!!!!

1:20 PM - Ashlee Pitts, confirmed Flunk Day Planner, is blasting the Jurassic Park theme from her apartment!!! WHY SHE DO THIS?? BECAUSE FLUNK DAY IS MONDAY!!!<---confirmed.

2:24 PM - Just spotted Travis walking through Seymour. Is he usually here on weekends? THIS COULD BE HUGE. <---CONFIRMED!! Travis works every weekend NOT CONFIRMED

2:30 PM - Walmart is pretty close to cleaned out - everyone is stocking up for Flunk Day tomorrow

2:45 PM- Just got off the phone with Teresa, they're adding Paleontology as a major. THIS COULD BE HUUUUGE

3:53 PM - Overheard Michelle Weber saying "...gotta finish this work before tomorrow" <---Who says that?? FLUNK DAY MUST BE TOMORROW!!

4:01 PM - No copies of TKS left in the caf or in the library. They probably got rid of them so they could replace them with the Flunk Day Issue. Travis Greenlee and TKS Editor Kate Mishkin were spotted weeks ago walking through Seymour carrying stacks of TKS. Probably the Flunk Day issue. Probably tomorrow.

4:50 PM - Ashlee Pitts spotted near library sipping out of her Flunk Day flask!<-- CONFIRMED!!

5:22 PM - Just acquired my flunk day stash. I'm so ready.

5:30 PM - Teresa Amott was seen trying to hide a Brachiosaurus in her backyard. YOU AIN'T SLICK GIRL THAT THING IS HUGE!

6:03pm- More dino eggs have been found in China. Strange that now's the time they choose to reveal themselves....

6:32 PM - Ashlee Pitts seen drinking on her balcony. Flunk Day Tomorrow!

6:51 PM - Isla Nublar in the mud pit is looking good. Flunk Day must be tomorrow <--- Pics or it didn't happen

7:00 PM - SPOTTED! Ashlee Pitts seen leaving sorority chapter early for a "project".

7:45 PM - LATER, ASHLEE PITTS SEEN WEARING DINOSAUR HAT!! <--- THIS COULD BE HUGE! pics or it didn't happen

File:Flunkday.jpg <--- Yup that's her alright! FLUNK DAY CONFIRMED!!


8:01 PM - Hannah Cloh told Coltan Parker that she didn't want Flunk Day to be this week. Coltan Parker told her he wanted it to be this week. FLUNK DAY CONFIRMED!!

8:20 PM - Brad Musselman mentioned that he hoped flunk day was tomorrow. Coltan Parker replied that he hopes so as well.

8:43 PM - People on Yik Yak are saying that the baseball games tomorrow are cancelled. Can someone confirm this? --- Games aren't cancelled. Tomorrow is suddenly dubious

9:13 PM - Michelle Weber spotted heading for the UB office. Curious. Veeerryyyyy curious.

9:40 pm- Ashlee Pitts is working on a " project". What kind of project? Obviously of the flunk variety.

9:55 pm- Lots more shouting outside than is normal for a Sunday night... I think campus is feeling the spirit

Approx. 10:00 pm - Knox Enquirer releases a "Flunk Watch!" article telling us to get some rest. THIS COULD BE HUGE, but it could also just be satire.

10:22 pm - Flunk Day planner tweets a confirmation that flunk day is indeed NOT Tuesday (https://twitter.com/catsiegoesmeow/status/592891526407159808)

10:27 pm- Official Knox College Flunk Day predictor Jazmine Kenny was spotted passed out in the CAT lab...Too much flunk in her veins? <--- CONFIRMED!!!

10:33 pm- Sirens blaring extra loudly- EXCITED FOR FLUNK?????

10:53 pm- People on Yik Yak trying to deny the Flunk #hatersgonnahate

11:09 pm- Trucks spotted in Galesburg. Why would trucks come to galesburg if its not the FLUNK? <---------- CONFIRMED!!! THIS IS HUGE!!!! <------- At hotels, or Walmart? Cuz if they're at Walmart or other stores, those have to restock. If they're at a bunch of hotels: PREPARE TO FLUNK <--- THEY ARE AT THE HOLIDAY INN!!! <-- Pics or it didn't happen.

11:24 pm- Campus Safety officer says, "It'd be an awful good day for it tomorrow." Flunk confirmed???

11:55 PM - Jessie Dixon JUST CURSED ME OUT IN SPANISH! EL DIA DE FLUNK HAS TO BE NEAR!

12:04 AM - Flunk Day Planner Cassie McLaughlin posted a status on Facebook reading "such flunk :)" ??? A planner probably wouldn't let us in on it like that. But then again, she could be trying to throw off the scent... <------- she is trolling on literally everything tonight. No hints to be had here

12:20AM Flunk Day Planner and World-Renowned Cranky-Pants Wiktoria posted a status "I hope people aren't pulling all-nighters because they will regret it tomorrow." PROOF

12:35 AM Forrest is doing an all-nighter, and she ALWAYS does an all-nighter before FLANK DAY THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!!

12:51 AM Lots of cops out and about tonight, just driving up and down south st. Single balloon spotted on corner of South and West. Flunk day confirmed. <--- that balloon was me sorry I actually can't believe it's still there maybe it's even more of a sign

http://i.imgur.com/tE76xMj.png <--- how bout no

1:05 Mikko Jimenez and other seniors spotted drunk as skunks in Founders. The Flunk is all too real.

1:18 Goldie thinks its gonna be today, Monday.

2:25 Travis was seen outside Old Main! THIS IS HUGE! FLUNK DAY IS TODAY! <----PICS OR IT DIDNT HAPPEN!!!!!

5:55 am - Some brave scarers were doused with ice cold water by a group of freshman boiz in the quads. Freshmen are getting angrier.

8:00 pm-Travis and flunk day planners seen on second floor of Alumni Hall. FINISHING UP LAST MINUTE DETAILS?!

All Day- Lawns were mowed today. Always the day before the Flunk. Is it upon us?!?!<---confirmed. THIS COULD BE HUGE!!

[edit] Tuesday, April 28

I'm suspicious that this date was not included yet. Are they hiding something????

There's a Milk Route performance for writing majors, which isn't even until 7:30pm. PLENTY of time for flunk <-- they will reschedule Milk Route around Flunk Day! This does not rule out the 28th!

...Today is the day <---- confirmed. the conditions are just right.

8:55 am - Craig Southern sends an email about a "steam leak" in Post... Steam leak, or covering up for experiments gone wrong?????

1:30 pm - Coltan Parker just wrote a FB status saying "Hope everybody's having a great and safe flunk day!" COULD IT BE POSSIBLE THAT WE MISSED THE FLUNK??

7:39 pm - Everything is suspiciously quite on the Flunk Front. Definitely a set up for a serious surprise

10:22 pm - pterodactyl screech heard in the distance. I know it was a pterodactyl. I'm a scientist. <--- CONFIRMED

Earlier today Travis said he felt like the most watched man on campus, then proceeded to go into his office and close the door. LAST MINUTE FLUNK PLANNING?

Behind the scenes: calendar in the caf has today marked out in all black. They are prepared to flunk. <-- probably too late, but, pics?

Anyone driving around tonight? Are any trucks parked in or near hotels?

10:45 pm - Trailer parked in the shadows of the Holiday Inn parking lot. THIS COULD BE HUGE! <------ Pics or it didn't happen!

Travis spotted decorating his flunk day jug in campus life office. The flunk is on!

11:10 pm - There are supposedly Dinosaur prints spray painted on the sidewalks around campus. If someone can confirm, then THIS COULD BE HUGE <----- CONFIRMED!!!!! I SAW THEM!!!!!!!! THIS IS HUGE!!!!!!!

11:31 pm - Campus is quiet. Is everyone asleep, prepping for an early Flunk? Flunk Day Eve?

11:50 pm - DINO FOOTPRINTS HAVE BEEN SPOTTED ACROSS CAMPUS! <------ PICS OR IT DIDN'T HAPPEN <----BOOM these were between aux gym and old main [4], these were between caf and the quads[5], and these were between smc and the library [6] <---------- my picture to add to the bunch http://i.imgur.com/bGfr5Rl.jpg?1 <--- APPARENTLY Travis was seen walking with spray paint tonight!

12:20 AM - Can anyone else confirm any suspicious activity like trucks at the hotel? Raptors roaming the streets? <--- SPOTTED A RAPTOR NEAR HAMBLIN! [7]

12:23 AM - The phones are being debugged, so a few minor systems might go off. OR ALL FLUNK COULD BREAK LOOSE

12:37 AM - Dinosaur noises heard coming from Travis's apartment. IT'S TIME. <--- Flunk Day planners got real dinosaurs for the special day. They spared no expense <------ If there are no inflatables tomorrow, it's because the planners spent the whole budget to recreate dinos, Jurassic Park-style

1:20 AM - TRAVIS JUST CANCELED A MEETING THAT WAS SCHEDULED FOR TODAY!!! [8] THIS COULD BE HUGEEE <----------- LIAR, you can easily see that the email is fake + the text is fake (try harder next time!!!)

1:40 AM - Suspicious all white Rent-A-Center semi spotted in the Quality Inn parking lot. THIS COULD BE HUGE <----- This could be the real deal, this could actually be HUGE. <--Why Rent-A-Center? Hmm not convinced…

2:28 AM - Multiple reports of dinosaur noises around campus. They have been let been let loose. Flunk onward comrades.

2:50 AM - Dushawn Darling spotted donning his famous pink booty shorts and green cape!!!

4:18 AM - Truck-backing-up beeps could be heard from Post!!!!! <------ it was only a food delivery, the lawn is still bare

6:10 AM - A damn good scare was given this morning. <--- Also broke out into a water fight between freshmen and seniors. <------ Not just water. Rumors cite milk, juice, and one freshman girl who was stopped by her RA before going after the scarers with a bat... As a consequence, the quads will potentially be woken up by their RAs instead of Friars <--- A bat? Seriously? WHERE'S THE FLUNK DAY SPIRIT, QUADS???

[edit] Wednesday, April 29

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It is confirmed that John Schlaf will be retiring on April 30th. Far more plausible than good ol' John abandoning the campus just in time for a Friday Flunk Day is that he'll put in one last Flunk Day (but JUST one, dammit) and then retire promptly the day afterwards.

On April 6th, many Yik Yakers cited this as the foreshadowed date of the annual Flunk. They cited a booking with Entertainment Avenue as the reason behind such staunch belief, but this information is yet to be confirmed... <---- Entertainment Avenue doesn't keep listings of their bookings out on the website, so is it a flunk planner trying to throw us off, an excited freshman, or someone IN THE KNOW!!!! <--- don't you think the agency would know about the secrecy of the event, especially if they've been used before??? It's not going to be that easy to get the date from the company

A Women's Softball game scheduled for today was confirmed canceled. THIS COULD BE HUGE.

CASSIE A FLUNK DAY PLANNER HAS AN X IN HER CALENDAR FOR THIS DAY! <---- pics or it didn't happen

According to Emma Downing, among others, Helmut has the 29th circled and starred on his calendar and that he attempted to hide this fact during a meeting with a student in his office.

Pretty much nothing on the events calendar


http://i.imgur.com/ZNc8OSE.png THIS IS HUUUUUUUUUUUUGE FELLAS <---- they had a similar post in last week's campus life email too.. do people not read those? <-- CONFIRMED


1:00 AM - John Bird, Bruce Kovanen, and Padraig Sullivan, driving back from a Neutral Milk Hotel concert in Iowa City, did a circle-round of all the hotels. They spotted an all white eighteen-wheeler in the Hampton Inn and Suites. It sat in the shadows. It was unmarked except for a small text on the side of the cab that said "Rent-A-Center"

5:30 AM - Bryan Valencia spotted in flunk day attire, strutting towards campus with a guitar. Elaborate scare? Or the real deal?

10:26 AM - They are mowing the NEW GRASS outside Alumni Hall. This is LOOKING PRETTY HUGE GUYS

11:25 AM - Claudia in the biology department knows SMASHMOUTH will be here for the flunk!!! Oh. Also it is tomorrow!! CAN ANYONE ELSE SMELL THE FLUNK????

11:30 AM - Natalie Polechonski spotted telling her bio 130 students that she saw several white eighteen-wheelers in the Wall-Mart Parking lot. She promptly sprinted all the way back to yellows six, making pterodactyl calls all the way home, to prepare her 3 foot bong for action. FLUNK DAY TOMORROW

11:59 AM - Dinosaur noises heard from the quads! Flunk day is tomorrow!

1:03 PM - The ropes are back up around the grass by Alumni Hall. Preparing for tomorrow?

1:09 PM - Travis Greenlee spotted going into his office with a supply of snacks - stocking up for a long afternoon/evening of last-minute preparations???

1:10 PM - Unknown Yellows apt. heard blasting SMASHMOUTH songs.... Do they know something???? <-- Travis, we know it's you. So shut the fuck up.

1:51 PM - Knox YikYak escalating with threats between scarers and underclassmen fed up with scares. ALL FLUNK IS ABOUT TO BREAK LOSE

2:00 PM - Koreen Kerfoot, when asked by a student if she thought Wednesday was the FLUNK SUPREME, she became flustered, replying with a pause, saying "... UM.... WELL... UH.... WELL FLUNKDAY IS ALWAYS TOMORROW SO YES."

~2:30 PM - Yik Yak post reading "everything in the kitchen prep book for today is for the gizmo tomorrow, nothing for the caf or oak room. Flunk day tomorrow for sure." The brave yaker is currently trying to get pics, but the staff keep hovering. If anyone can confirm, then ITS FLUNKING ON

2:48 PM - Hadley has started drinking out of her flunk day water bottle!!! <------ Hadley who? <--- Hadley WHO?!? <---- SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNER

2:55 PM - a student, when meeting with Helmut Meyer of dining services, saw his calendar marked with a circle and stars on Wednesday the 29th of April, before he hastily covered it up. THIS IS HUGE. FLUNK IS UPON US.

3:14 PM - Periodically throughout the day, Michelle Weber has let loose unsettling primal roars, seemingly out of her control. She is transforming. It BEGINS. <---CONFIRMED!

4:20 PM - Dinosaurs are not real. They are only lies invented by Big Paleo to disquise the REALITY of the SHADOW REPTILIAN GOVERNMENT <-- CONFIRMED

4:38 PM - Casey Mendoza spotted at the Gizmo. Her presence signifies Flunk Day.

6:28 PM - Michelle Weber has been seen scratching at dry, rough patches of skin forming on her elbows and knees. The rash looks greenish-brown and seems to be spreading. Pre-med majors have concluded that it is no human ailment--the skin looks reptilian.

The grab n go was closed for breakfast Tuesday, food shortage or FLUNK STASH!!!!!!

7:32 PM - Koreen Kerfoot still in Campus Life office with the lights off. <--- lonely asf

8:15 PM - Michelle Weber's neck has begun to stretch and the nubbin of a tail is forming on her backside. It is confirmed. She is turning into a dinosaur, just as every Flunk Day Eve before.

9;05 PM - Precious snowflake and alumnus Andrew Cook has changed his Facebook profile picture to a Mud Pit of yore. FLUNK CONFIRMED.

9:33 PM - Bridget Golembiewski "tastes Flunk Day in the air. Like a reptile."

10:13 PM - 4 shakes out of 5 of a magic eight ball says it is going to be Flunk tomorrow <----Statistically significant for Flunk!!!!

10:06 PM: Michelle Weber is on the brink of full metamorphosis. She is no longer recognizable. She is essentially a fleshy, mutated, long-necked reptile, growing by the second. Soon the apartment will be destroyed. Then the house. Then the block. Flee the Academy and Tompkins area. She is not carnivorous--she means no harm--but her sheer size is destructive. I fear this is my last post of the night, possibly ever. The Flunk is upon us. Brave Flunkers, heed caution. These dinosaurs are beautiful, but dangerous. And they're growing. Be careful; your lives are at stake. It may seem impossible. But the Flunk finds a way.

10:20 PM - Mailroom doors are locked??? WHAT DOES IT MEAN??? <----they are always locked!

10:40 PM - Sale on Bacardi at the Kwiki! Flunk Day special? <----Goldie knows!

11:05 PM - Lee Foxall becomes a conspiracy theorist on facebook, asking the Knox Enquirer and Cassie McLaughlin if the Enquirer has transitioned to a fully accurate live reporting online paper. Is he insane, or are the flunk day planners actually turning up with Travis Greenlee ? <---NOTE McLauglin's only comment as to the possibility of Foxall's assertion that flunk day is tomorrow being true, was to say that she herself is sober at this moment in time. Is Travis turnt? Is FLUNK DAY TOMORROW??? <---- CONFIRMED. TRAVIS TURNT AF

11:16 PM - Don't really know him <--- CONFIRMED <--- DOUBLE CONFIRMED.

11:34 PM- According to Yik Yak, there are white trucks at Holiday Inn. Does anyone have pictures?

11:34 PM- "Dinosaur" by Ke$ha just came up on my roommate's playlist! Sign of Flunk to come?????????????????????

11:42 PM- Angel seen at WalMart buying his flunk day stash. Obviously tomorrow is flunk day.

11:45 PM - Lady at wallgreens asked a knox student if she was ready for tomorrow!! THIS COULD BE HUGE.

11:55 PM - Found at least six large white trucks, some unmarked, parked at the Holiday Inn. It's FLUNK DAY EVERYBODY! FOR SURE! We are posting the pictures ASAP! <------------- Not to be a jerk but trucks are pretty meaningless. There are semis at these places every night, as over the road truckers don't sleep in their cabs every night. Also, HOW MUCH STUFF DO YOU THINK FLUNK DAY NEEDS? I'll give you a hint, not 6 semi truck loads full. ALSO, the rental companies Knox uses deliver the stuff in trailers behind pick up trucks usually. <---------- Confirmed, there are also vans with large trailers. One of the trucks is marked "Martin Bros. Food Distributor".

12:44 Post basement doors that have been unlocked all year and at all times are now locked. I know, because I was afraid my laundry was going to have to spend the night there.

Important: [9]

IT"S FLUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNK DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

From: Dean Deb Southern

Good Morning,

Today, April 29th, IS Flunk Day. Enjoy your Flunk Day 2015. We hope you take the time to participate in the many activities which have been planned for the day.

Union Board will be sending out the schedule of events shortly. <---This one time, I posted this as a prank, and then two minutes later it was Flunk Day.

[edit] Thursday, April 30

On March 12, John Schlaf announced that he will retire on April 30th. The advanced notice of his retire in the middle of the term seems suspicious...

But there's a big TRIO trip on this day, and I doubt they would plan them together. So I doubt its this day. Hmm.

The lucky numbers on my Joy Garden fortune cookie are 2, 12, 19, 30, 36, 40. I think that means today, the 30th, is the flunk. Or, May 2. Either way, THIS COULD BE HUGE.

Kimberlé Crenshaw is on campus today. It was a miracle that we got her, so it won't be today.

[edit] Friday, May 1

John Schlaf probably decided to retire the day before so that he wouldn't have responsibility for FRIDAY FLUNK DAY!!!

The Orpheum debuts Shrek the Musical on this day. COULD THIS MEAN SMASH MOUTH IS THE FLUNK DAY MUSICIAN? THIS COULD BE HUGE.

HOLY FUCK SHREK THE FUCKING MUSICAL IS COMING TO GALESBURG???????

Avengers: Age of Ultron is released in theaters today. Chris Pratt plays a character in the MCU. Chris Pratt is starring in the new Jurassic Park movie. FLUNKVENGERS CONNECTION!!!

[edit] Monday, May 4

The only things on the events calendar that day are a few club meetings and Writer's Block. Easily rescheduled. FLUNK

Confirmed. May the Fourth be with you. <-- The Union Board is a big fan of Star Wars. <-- Confirmed

Interim VP of Student Development interviews are also today. No flunk.

[edit] Tuesday, May 5

It's a Tuesday, warm weather... Is this finally the year we will see Cinco de Flunko??

[edit] Wednesday, May 6

Later in the term, to avoid backlash from students and bad weather. Good midweek break. Coltan has his worst classes on Wednesdays - it stands to reason he would try to avoid them. No athletic events scheduled this day. THIS IS IT. ==> Best Buddy Olympics is today, I doubt planners would force that to be rescheduled. <----- when was the best buddy Olympics scheduled? If it wasn't in the fall basically, it wouldn't be taken into account when picking the day. It could STILL BE FLUNK

Williams Shen thinks the Flunk will occur today. <----- But is the GoPro ready?

[edit] Thursday, May 7

Jurassic Park was broadcast on television for the first time on May 7, 1995

[edit] Saturday, May 9

-J-Pow's annual Flunk Day prediction.

-What bettter way to surprise us than by throwing a weekend flunk?

[edit] Thursday, May 14

On May 14, 1992 the FBI led a raid to claim the famous T Rex fossil Sue for the federal government. Rumors about an early flunk are merely a coverup for the real day. This late flunk will surprise everyone when Union Board leads its own raid on the Field Museum to claim Sue for flunk festivities.

[edit] Friday, June 12

Jurassic World will be released this day. Jurassic Flunk is millions of years in the making, so it can transcend the boundaries of the academic year.

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