Rachel Perez

Rachel Perez, you may be surprised to discover when hearing her last name, is quite Greek. In fact, she speaks fluent Greek to her grandmother and curious bystanders alike. Her favorite phrase in the foreign tongue is "ne ne ne," but she has yet to explain this redundant and seemingly gibberish exclamation.

Rachel was born in Illinois and will die in Illinois, though she will travel to many other destinations between those two milestones. Throughout her high school career, Ms. Perez took an intrinsic pride in her status as a Whitney Young High School Academic Decathalon Champion. ("Academic Decathalon" refers to a team of textbook-touting intellectuals who compete against other high schools to achieve scholastic glory -- however, at the time this article was published, it was unclear whether any other high school in the nation had a so-called AcaDec team.)

As far as academics at Knox College are concerned, Rachel enjoys any class that can provide her with a veritable wealth of factoids, which she then uses to amaze her peers. For instance, did you know that the human mind can only process language in context, and so breaking it up into individual words would render our speech incomprehensible? Or, did you know that restaurants aren't allowed to sing "Happy Birthday" to their customers because it bears an ancient copyright? Or, did you know that ponies are not baby horses, but rather a whole separate species on their own?

Apart from her rigorous studies, Rachel enjoys being very outgoing, emphatically blasting Fall Out Boy, getting a 10% discount on all Target shopping trips (thanks to her father's advantageous position within the company), and not being a member of the Knox College Ultimate Frisbee team. She currently resides in Campbell-Elder 4, where she provides most of the comic relief for her suite.

If you do not know Rachel Perez, you are a hermit. If you have never heard of Rachel Perez, you do not attend Knox College.