A Knox Student’s Guide to the Sugar Vats - Revision history

Knox Students against the Vats: I don't know how photos work

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I don't know how photos work

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Founding: (1952-1955) */

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Founding: (1952-1955)

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Flunk Day Prank of 1995 */

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Flunk Day Prank of 1995

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Myth: The Mega-Vat */

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Myth: The Mega-Vat

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Myth: Abe Lincoln and the vats */

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Myth: Abe Lincoln and the vats

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Myths */

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Myths

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Valentine v. Knox College (1972) */

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Valentine v. Knox College (1972)

Knox Students against the Vats: /* Major Lawsuits */

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Major Lawsuits

Knox Students against the Vats: /* History */

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History

Sarahwall: Reverted edits by 107.0.69.180 (talk) to last revision by Sarahwall

2026-02-04T20:29:48Z

Reverted edits by 107.0.69.180 (talk) to last revision by Sarahwall

Show changes

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 === Knox Students Against the Vats: (1960) ===
 The organization KSAV, or Knox Students Against the Vats, was founded in 1960 by student protester Brian Scott. After being injured in a vat-related accident that cost Brian his left foot, he sued Knox College in 1959 in the landmark case of Scott v. Knox College. (See lawsuits for more). After that case fell through and nearly cost Brian his scholarship, he organized the student body to create KSAV. KSAV went on to create stacks of anti-vat propaganda as well as an essay on the subject that was published in The Knox Student. Although the organization was shut down shortly after, in 1963, the essay Brian Scott published, A New Danger Afoot: Steps Away from Sticky Tankards of Sugar, reached beyond Knox. Scott’s essay, nearly 11 years later, was read by pre-law student Holly Valentine which led her to sue the school in 1971 in the case of Valentine v. Knox College. During this lawsuit, Holly reintroduced KSAV as a student organization. KSAV remained a student organization until Valentine’s graduation in 1973. At this point, the organization fell into disrepair, and was quickly swept under the rug by Knox College.
 === Carl Sandburg’s Death (1967) ===
 The Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust continued to be in effect even after Carl Sandburg’s death in 1967. It is worth noting that Carl Sandburg's wealth grew exponentially both due to his success as a writer and his unexplainable financial decisions post-mortem. During the last year of Carl Sandburg’s life he told his eldest daughter, Margaret Mary, to, once the opportunity arose, place all his wealth into Apple stock as well as several other well-placed investments such as Gamestop and Amazon (mistaking it for the rain forest) despite neither stocks nor any of these companies existing. Many historians theorize about these strange actions, and it is often used by pseudo scientists as proof of time travel, and the healing properties of sugar vats.
 === Knox (Vat) Information War (1973 onward) ===

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 == History ==
 === Founding: (1952-1955) ===
-The story of the vats started in 1952 when Carl Sandburg gave a grant of $79,000 (approximately $945,297.38 today) to Knox college. The catch? This sum of money could only be accepted if half of it was used to build vats of sugar around campus. Knox college at the time desperately needed extra funds, so only a year later the first vat, #5 VT0164403, was built in the top of the tower in Old Main, near the classic knox bell. At first, officials at the time tried to place the vats in discrete areas that were less likely to be seen on tours or by students traveling from class to class, but soon the number of vats increased and their existence became unavoidable. Vats continued to be built steadily and with increasing density for the next few years. The Carl Sandburg grant grew exponentially as his own wealth increased. By the time of his death in 1967, the grant had reached about 4 million dollars a year in today's money. But during this vat-building time, the school faced backlash.
+The story of the vats started in 1952 when Carl Sandburg gave a grant of $79,000 (approximately $945,297.38 today) to Knox college. The catch? This sum of money could only be accepted if half of it was used to build vats of sugar around campus. Knox college at the time desperately needed extra funds, so only a year later the first vat, #5 VT0164403, was built in the top of the tower in [[Old Main]], near the classic Knox bell. At first, officials at the time tried to place the vats in discrete areas that were less likely to be seen on tours or by students traveling from class to class, but soon the number of vats increased and their existence became unavoidable. Vats continued to be built steadily and with increasing density for the next few years. The Carl Sandburg grant grew exponentially as his own wealth increased. By the time of his death in 1967, the grant had reached about 4 million dollars a year in today's money. But during this vat-building time, the school faced backlash.
 === Knox Students Against the Vats: (1960) ===

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 == Flunk Day Prank of 1995 ==
-One of the most infamous events in sugar vat history is the flunk day prank of 1995. That year’s Flunk day happened unusually late (Wednesday, May 10th), and unbeknownst to faculty and staff, a senior named Jennifer Micheals added copious amounts of THC into vat #3. Micheals was a member of the Flunk Day planning committee that planned for students to swim in vat #3 in small groups. The first group entered the vat, which had been cooled to a relatively comfortable 105 degrees Fahrenheit, and had to be ushered out of the quad due to extreme intoxication only 3 minutes later. One student, freshman Jeremy Finkl, ran out of the vat coated in spiked sugar and fled the campus to Hope Cemetery. He returned hours later covered in leaves, sticks, and other foliage to the point that he was unrecognizable. He was then hunted by a pack of feral flunk day students who thought he was a beast of the woods. The vat spiker, Micheals, was subsequently found with 410 empty vials of THC. She was an otherwise model student, so she was let off with a stern talking-to from Dean Martin.
+One of the most infamous events in sugar vat history is the flunk day prank of 1995. That year’s [[Flunk day]] happened unusually late (Wednesday, May 10th), and unbeknownst to faculty and staff, a senior named Jennifer Micheals added copious amounts of THC into vat #3. Micheals was a member of the Flunk Day planning committee that planned for students to swim in vat #3 in small groups. The first group entered the vat, which had been cooled to a relatively comfortable 105 degrees Fahrenheit, and had to be ushered out of the quad due to extreme intoxication only 3 minutes later. One student, freshman Jeremy Finkl, ran out of the vat coated in spiked sugar and fled the campus to Hope Cemetery. He returned hours later covered in leaves, sticks, and other foliage to the point that he was unrecognizable. He was then hunted by a pack of feral flunk day students who thought he was a beast of the woods. The vat spiker, Micheals, was subsequently found with 410 empty vials of THC. She was an otherwise model student, so she was let off with a stern talking-to from Dean Martin.
 On this note, we do not condone the making of “Vat Cocktails” that many students like to partake in. This is possibly dangerous and could injure other students. Students who make these Cocktails are viable for expulsion.

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 === Myth: The Mega-Vat ===
-Many students believe that there is a massive vat that is under construction beneath the surface of the Knox campus. While there are not many specifics available due to its clouded nature, it would be enough to engulf Knox’s campus, and a majority of the larger Galesburg community. These reports are largely unfounded, though there have been reports of underground construction many of these have been retroactively linked to the construction of the vat constructed under the Conger-Neal dorms.
+Many students believe that there is a massive vat that is under construction beneath the surface of the Knox campus. While there are not many specifics available due to its clouded nature, it would be enough to engulf Knox’s campus, and a majority of the larger Galesburg community. These reports are largely unfounded, though there have been reports of underground construction many of these have been retroactively linked to the construction of the vat constructed under the [[Conger-Neal]] dorms.
 === Myth: The Old Pool has Been Converted Into a Vat ===

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 == Myths ==
 === Myth: Abe Lincoln and the vats ===
-While Lincoln predates the development of the sugar vats, it is commonly believed that he was found in the vats days before his debate This would be definitively an urban legend, however significant photographic evidence was found of Lincoln jumping and frolicking in the vats found in the Seymour Library Archives circa 2002. While nobody knows how this makes any sense, the existence of such photographs is confirmed, while not being released to the general public. The editing team on this article has and will continue to implore the Knox library staff to release these, but until further notice, they will remain not pictured here.
+While [[Abraham Lincoln]] predates the development of the sugar vats, it is commonly believed that he was found in the vats days before his debate This would be definitively an urban legend, however significant photographic evidence was found of Lincoln jumping and frolicking in the vats found in the [[Seymour Library]] Archives circa 2002. While nobody knows how this makes any sense, the existence of such photographs is confirmed, while not being released to the general public. The editing team on this article has and will continue to implore the Knox library staff to release these, but until further notice, they will remain not pictured here.
 === Myth: The Mega-Vat ===

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 The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College (1984)
-One of the biggest controversies around the vats came with the tragic death of Chini Ardi. She was walking to a harpsichord lesson when the ground opened up beneath her, causing her to fall into an underground sugar vat.  Knox college had discovered a loophole in the grants language, which never specified that the vats had to be above ground. They believed that it was safer, since there was less risk of students falling into them.  They also believed it to not be against the previously established “half covered” rule. Court transcripts of the trial show the defense using the following argument: “Um, the ground was sealing it, wasn't it? You don't step on a tupperware lid and expect it to hold. That totally counts. Why is a pothole randomly opening up suddenly my clients fault? Sorry she died or whatever but Jesus, everyone needs to chill out. Goddamnit I need a drink, I hate this fucking job” He was instantaneously fired and disbarred.
+One of the biggest controversies around the vats came with the tragic death of Chini Ardi. She was walking to a harpsichord lesson when the ground opened up beneath her, causing her to fall into an underground sugar vat.  Knox college had discovered a loophole in the grants language, which never specified that the vats had to be above ground. They believed that it was safer, since there was less risk of students falling into them.  They also believed it to not be against the previously established “half covered” rule. Court transcripts of the trial show the defense using the following argument: “Um, the ground was sealing it, wasn't it? You don't step on a tupperware lid and expect it to hold. That totally counts. Why is a pothole randomly opening up suddenly my clients fault? Sorry she died or whatever but Jesus, everyone needs to chill out. Goddamnit I need a drink, I hate this fucking job.” He was instantaneously fired and disbarred.
 === Tanner v. The Department of Education (2006) ===

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 -Tanner v. The Department of Education (2006)
 While many individuals have attempted to file suit against Knox College for the various damages the vats have been known to cause, the vast majority of said lawsuits are settled out of court, including the signature of extremely severe Non-Disclosure Agreements. There are rumors of a massive class action lawsuit made up of up to 30,000 former Knox students.
 The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College (1953)
 One of the many 1953 lawsuits that led to the brief closure of the vats were brought about by the deaths of both Rivka Blau and Elizabeth Clour. The families of both of the victims, along with Krain Jonson, who was severely injured when he fell into a vat during a particularly aggressive bout of ultimate frisbee, attempted to have the vats removed. They argued that the danger they posed to students, along with the extremely costly upkeep, offset whatever financial benefit they could provide the college. They unfortunately lost this suit, as until this point no one was aware of just how much funding the grant provided the school. It was however ruled that during the lengthy legal proceedings which lasted from 1954 to 1955, the vats should be closed. The resulting legislation was that as long as the vat was half closed and within 10 feet of adequate signage, the school was not responsible for any death or injury. (See legislation for more)
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 === Tanner v. The Department of Education (2006) ===
 While many people have attempted to sue Knox College for various reasons relating to the vats, however few got as far as James “Femur” Tanner, who sought to overturn his expulsion in 2006. He claimed the school had violated his first amendment rights, and that his vandalization of vat vats was an act of protest against the vats. He claimed the school “silenced him”, after during a drunken “vat crawl” he spraypainted the words “Michelle Morganson sux” on a vat. There is no existing record of a person by this name employed by, enrolled at, or associated with Knox College in any way during that decade. When pressed for why he did this, he merely repeated “Michelle Morganson sucks”. He was not affiliated with KSAV in any way, and had never expressed any opinions against the vats prior to the trial. In fact, two months beforehand, when interviewed by another student for an anthropology project, he said “i could care less”. Needless to say, the lawsuit failed.
 == Student testimony ==