Flunk Day 2010
It's coming to a Knox College near you in the fairly distant future.
Contents
March
- 11:53PM--it's totally tomorrow. <--can you confirm? this could be huge.
- Official projection for el Dia de Flunk 2010: Tuesday, May 4th*
- THIS JUST IN: FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE BEING PICKED THROUGH A GAME OF ASSASSIN.
stick to the traditions. this is NOT a game. this is flunk day. --> I agree. Could the assassin's game just be a cover?
March 25
Sam Martone announces that he will act as a mercenary/spy for seniors who desire assistance during the Assassins game.
March 26
Tenured Professor of Economics, Jonathan Powers, asserted that Flunk Day IS tomorrow, Saturday, March 27th.
March 30
FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT BEING PICKED BY A GAME OF ASSASSINS BECAUSE KNOX COLLEGE NO LONGER ENJOYS FUN OR THINGS THAT ARE FUN. Are the Flunk Day Gods listening? Ginny Graves tells anonymous student that friars will now be picked through a large game of bingo. Hit your grandparents up for strategies people. It is on!
March 31
Many students are confused and lost now that their Master of Flunk has been dismissed. Now there will be no riding around in the Gator handing out condoms and being reprimanded by Roger again.
--> Simultaneously, the upperclassmen are throwing parties to celebrate the dismissal
--> Simultaneously, the sophomores are confused as to why people are so mean.
--> Simultaneously, the first-years are confused as to what exactly Flunk Day is and who the Flunk Master is. They decide to start investing in the "Flunk Day stash" the upperclassmen were talking about, not sure if this really means alcohol, drugs, or party blowers. <---All of the above. This is important.
April
April 1
- 4AM
Students are emailed about being a part of Flunk Day and to remain secret.<---Friars? this could be huge!
- 8AM
Students are turned away from Campus Life only to realize they just got mega pranked!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!! and congratulations/fuck you to those who orchestrated this prank!
April 5
- 2PM
In a stunning turn of events, the Flunk Day e-mail consists of Roger Taylor announcing his resignation. A new tradition is born.
- 10PM
Suspicious vehicles spotted in Dick Blick parking lot.
- 11PM
A bright flash of light is seen coming from the Northwest.
April 6
- 5 AM
Some people yell that it is Flunk Day. Unfortunately, they start out in Hamblin and the upperclassmen only grumble. We all go back to sleep.<--YOU ARE NO FUN. FACT.
April 7
LET'S REVIEW THE FACTS.
- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.
- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist. In one case a few years ago, the boy's baseball team was away at a game when Flunk Day occurred.
- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit.
- Don't believe any of the upperclassmen. Ever.
- Don't believe any of the faculty. Ever.
- Just because the caf is baking a lot of cookies does not mean Flunk Day is tomorrow.
- It is also not necessarily Flunk Day if the grass has just been mowed.
- Large trailers spotted at random businesses around town does not mean they are blow-up carnival rides.
- Flunk Day will not be on a Friday. Too many people would end up in the hospital from non-stop partying.
- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.
- Everything they say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.
Here is also a map from last year's Flunk Day that we can update this year:
Notable sightings would include Helmut leaving the caf at odd hours of the morning, etc.
This morning was a very large and well organized and very loud Flunk Day scare. They had sirens, pots and pans, and at least twenty participants, one of whom screamed, "YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE!" as he ran away. This was a very stupid scare considering a.) the safety e-mail hasn't been sent out yet b.) IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF APRIL, HARDLY.
Flunk Day will be April 29th. The powers that be have spoken.
April 9th
-On Friday ), I overheard something in the campus life office about "this being the big week". Jenn looked super busy and the Flunk Day planners were seen leaving the office carrying a box and a bag. Also, we Facebooked a few of the admissions visitors that were scheduled to come early this week and we think that at least one of them is a completely made up person. Flunk Day is THIS WEEK!
This week is a big week because all the drafts of club budget requests are due and it's the housing lottery. Of course campus life is busy this week. Also, I believe Craig Southern would kill someone if housing lottery was messed up. Flunk Day is not this week!
April 13th
Flunk Day email sent out, Flunk Day is tomorrow! And if not, senior meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, so it will be a good night.
-Has anyone noticed that there are no significant campus events going on on Earth Day like there usually are? Flunk Day??
-Although people are suggesting things to the contrary: Flunk Day will NOT be Thursday, April 15th. This is the day of the Joe W. Morgan lecture, which is a HUGE deal and they have an editor from Rolling Stone coming, who has spoken on the phone with individual students and talked about her visit and what she's going to talk about while here. Plus they made reservations for her for dinner. -In response to the post above...flunk day can be placed on the same day as a huge event if it was not scheduled WAY in advance. It has happened before. Look back, flunk day almost always is placed during SOMETHING on campus. I still would not rule Wednesday or Thursday out.
-START DIGGING THE MUD PIT This is a very time consuming and difficult task that takes a long time to accomplish if you're an enormous wuss.
April 14th
3:56 am- The double doors in the hallway of Seymour are open suspiciously early. The light is on in the mail room. I don't know if that particular clue is actually indicative of anything, but I've heard it is.
it definitely, definitely is. lights are on in mailroom and dining services.
Clearly, Today is Flunk Day, start drinkin!
It's a scare<-- you're a scare. CAN'T STOP US!!!!!!!!!!
Flunk Day is Definitly Tomorrow!
April 15th
12:04am: Group of Conger/Neal residents begin digging of mud pit.
Also...shipping the seniors off to Buffalo Wild Wings seems innocent enough...or does it? Hmm, maybe a clever way to round up friars?
They just decided how they're going to PICK friars. Flunk Day is in May.
Poor naive little Underclassmen. Aside from the fact that Flunk Day is Tomorrow, there is no supporting evidence for anything yet. You need to get better at this.
Also Conger/Neal, don't fuck it up. And whatever you do, don't use the tiller that SNU has...
2:05am: Xavier Romano seen at beta incident with 7 cop cars, 2 firetrucks and his flunk day hat in hand. Continue digging the mud pit.
2:37am: Xavier being seen on campus is not true. I am one of the select few who has direct access to "The Raptor!" Alas, no Raptors at KC for el dia de Flunk forever :(
-The "mud pit" looks like a giant Cheerio made of shit. The middle section of hardened dirt and topsoil needs to be broken up and moved out of the way. An easy way to do this is by using a tiller. It looks like you went at it with a trowel. Your first attempt = Failed.
Flunk day TKS is printed (Flunk day next week!)
April 16
This will not be Flunk Day. It also needs to be defined what a "scare" is. A scare is not shouting it's Flunk Day at night. A scare is a well ordered conspiracy where you mislead a large amount of the student body so that they believe it's Flunk Day.
1:42am: The people shouting in the quads need to do two things: learn to read, and then read the definition of a scare and the history of epic scares.
Why are you so bitter? How about instead of complaining on the WikiFire, you get your ass out of bed and join the scare? You're so boring!
April 18
FLUNK DAY ANGER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAIN
FLUNK YOU!
Haven't you realized by now that Flunk Day doesn't exist?
April 19
Was not flunk day, despite all of the solid evidence that follows. A group of rowdy gentlemen informed the quads of this at around 7:30 A.M.
Why is this day being neglected? No one is suspecting, thus it is the perfect plan. Is Flunk Day today? Discuss.
Probably won't be Flunk Day today because of housing lottery? And what about Phoneathon? And they haven't even sent the second email out yet! (The Fact/Myth email) -Silly underclassmen, the fact/myth e-mail is not an every year thing. Once that first e-mail happens...it's on. ALSO, flunk day was on housing lottery before...it is just another way of screwing with us.
Flunk Day is not today there is a guest speaker planned tonight Doug McAdam, but I would expect a scare at least. Also coincidence, I think not, Hy Vee put up decorations in the store that are remarkably themed to match Flunk on the Beach. All i can say is the shark, fish, and whale balloons are epic and a clear sign flunk day is on our doorstep.
Roger Taylor said they are looking at flunk day in a new light this year. A safer one. Well this is it, today was flunk day.
6:45pm: Golf cart seen roaming Knox's campus. Persons talking w/ Ginny and Britt, obvious Flunk Day planners. Tomorrow is surely Flunk Day. Get your stashes ready!
9:48pm: Confirmed: all four Flunk Day Planners shopping at Wal-Mart right now.
10.25: Lights on in the Union Board office.
11:02: Talked to Xavier, and asked if it was Flunk Day, he said. "He would not be making any trips to Knox tomorrow."
11:05: Ten well known seniors' phones are turned off, including Ginny Graves.
11:10: LIES!
11:12: Environmental Studies candidate lunch and lecture CANCELLED
11:30PM: Pam Schuler has been cited at knox again! flunk day is definitely tomorrow
11:47pm: Erica Jaffe and Michael Sales spotted near the Gizmo. <-- Michael Sales is in Maine, nice try!
11:50 pm: Alumni member of the presidents circle gets email saying that flunk day is tomorrow.....<----This is legit, I've seen it! Unless it's an awesomely orchestrated prank!
12:22am: SEAN FORS IS MISSING. IT MUST BE FLUNK DAY.
Has no one noticed the blatantly scheduled home baseball game for tomorrow?!?! <-- fake home game was scheduled on FD in 2006 <--ok, but golf is gone to MO as well. Both of these teams have been screwed over in the Seniors' Knox lifetimes, would they really do that again!?! <--yes. ..........well, the game is on the website (http://www.robertmorris.edu/athletics/mensbaseball/springfield/schedule/). may have looked at the wrong robert morris. but the game time is wrong. THIS COULD BE HUGE! <--- or just a simple mistake... what difference would an hour make?! really?
...better get that mudpit ready. This could be HUGE!
- sniff sniff* I Smell a Scare. This could be HUGE!
12:17pm: Look at the signature tag of Roger's email. Definitely not the same as previous emails he has sent out. Mailbox number is incorrect, and he always puts Roger L. Taylor '63, which does not appear anywhere in the signature. It is a hoax. Tomorrow is not Flunk Day, though I still hope it would be! Also, the baseball game is a non-conference game. The golf team was screwed over during spring 2008. It could happen again, unfortunately.
THEY MOWED THE SOUTH LAWN TODAY...MUST BE FLUNK DAY! IDK....
23 minutes ago: Posted on Ginny's Facebook wall: kathleen mary podlipni: very clever baker, but i am 75% sure tmrw is not flunk day molly anne: i don't think it is Flunk Day but I really really really hope it is not. I lack some necessary supplies. virginia baker: that's too bad. i guess you should have listened to jnef and i....
Ginny confirming Flunk Day = Not Flunk Day also she is by her computer or using her IPhone meaning she IS NOT PHONELESS and it's NOT FLUNK DAY
April 20
Like having your birthday on Christmas, or possibly the best superholiday in history? Discuss.
It'd be pretty smart on the administration's part. Kill two birds in one stone. There are far too many conflicts however: multiple home baseball games, dance residency, and Dan Peterman's talk. --> Talk canceled and dance residency unimportant<-- EXCUSE YOU. IT IS IMPORTANT. We've been screwed over 2 years in a row. Flunk day is tomorrow.
Naw, having your birthday on/around Christmas would suck. You get half the presents! so you get half the fun, you see...
Why is the Oak Room going to be closed for breakfast in the morning? Suspicious much?
Also, Andru Bemis is supposed to be performing today. Posters and a Facebook event have been up for a while. Proof it's not Flunk Day, or Flunk Day music???<----DOES NOT MATTER! This was not organized before the flunk day calendar!!!!
The following email was (mistakenly?) sent tonight to an undisclosed list, but apparently they are recent donors to Knox.
Hmm... I think it's time for some foot soldiers. Deploy my minions!!
Also, groom the mud pit. <-- Better be safe than sorry. That mud pit is in sad shape.
Shopped. Grey box around lettering. I'm going to sleep. <--- Oh give me a break, those are just JPEG compression artifacts, that kind of "analysis" doesn't fly with lossy formats.
Opposite of shopped - screenshots captured and reassembled in Paint, then saved as JPG -- that's where your gray letters come in. I'd be happy to forward the original along to anyone who wants to see it.
Real or fake though, that mud pit needs dug Conger/Neal. You're supposed to be on that shit by now.
Lights on in the mailroom? THIS COULD BE HUGE.
Time for a Midnight Stroll. This could be HUGE!
Is this Roger Taylor's goodbye prank?
Look, guys, it's not fucking flunk day. What it is is an absentee flunk day scare. THIS IS A MASSIVE ALUMNI CONSPIRACY, undertaken by our gone (but not forgotten) friends from 2009 who want to relive their flunk glory as an escape from their student loans and meager employment prospects. It's next week for sure.
Lights on in the mailroom AND kitchen. This could be SMALL!
http://www.knox.edu/About-Knox/We-Are-Knox/Our-President/2009-Presidents-Report.html That's the way he always signs his letters btw.
Start Drinking!!!!!
Flunk day IS tomorrow. This email (above) was sent to a '93 grad (official). FLUNK DAY!!!<-------- No way<---------WAY! THIS IS TRUE!
Even if it ISN'T tomorrow, someone had best to start workin' on that mud pit. That shit is pitiful.<------ AMEN!
friars chosen, lost contact with my roomie. get some sleep. BC TOMORROW's FLUNK DAAAAAAY
at this rate, if Flunk Day isn't tomorrow, a damn epic scare better materialize or I'll be thoroughly disappointed.
2:55 am martha watever-her-face (the union board person that no one knows who is apparently planning flunk day) was seen in the union board office. like.... 4 minutes ago. FLUNK DAAAAAAAY... ALSO the lights in the caf & the GIZMO are on. WTFFFFF FLUNK DAY
Two suspicious trucks parked in seymour loading docks. Both are occupied by men who are not security. Security is driving around in unmarked car. Lights in mail room still on (rumor is that there are always on) seniors who received txt message to meet at 5 am are not picking up their phones. What does it all mean?
4:24: TRAIN WHISTLE! Totally flunk day.
4:34: Oh yeah. TOTALLY flunk day. ABBY PARDICK PROMISED!!! If it is not flunk, blame said sr.<------- She never promised shit.
ANOTHER TRAIN WHISTLE!!!
5:50 AM: Was there even a scare in the Quads? Nothing by Williston/apts
6:08 AM: It is determined that the class of 2010 sucks. <---- Our class is still better than yours
Senior flunk scare member is chased valiantly by campus security, proving class of 2010's great scare pride and physical endurance.
5:00PM Oliwia Zurek spotted drunk at Kaldi's - it's either Flunk Day tomorrow or she just gave up on her honors project
April 22
The only thing scheduled for today is the dance residency. Last year they had Flunk Day on the day of the Blood Drive so I wouldn't put it past the planners to screw over the dancers.
it's admitted students day...and it's not fake. i know prospies who are coming and spending the night...no flunk day today. next week!<--admissions has been known to call prospective students and ask them to not come in the night before.<-- the Knox Admissions Office I know would NEVER do that. No Flunk Day this week.
April 21-23
Flunk day can't be this week; the college wouldn't risk their precious campus getting destroyed before admitted students day. <----Perhaps it's a fake admitted students day? <-- Not possible. After all the calls students make about it? <--remember last year when Flunk Day was on the day of the APO Blood Drive and APO had it all organized only for the planners to secretly cancel it behind their backs? It could happen again.
Why does it say circular? I thought it was president's circle. <---- *Taken from the Knox Website* Participants in the Finley Society will be recognized for their leadership gifts to Knox with special mention in the Honor Roll of Donors, an invitation to the President's Circle reception at Homecoming, and subscription to the *PRESIDENT'S CIRCULAR*, an e-newsletter for all members of the President's Circle. Also Phoneathon would get really pissed so I think they may wait for it to end.
April 26 or 28
This day is going to be Flunk Day. Remember that I told you so as you gleefully fling yourself into the mudpit.
I'm calling you out on arbitralily guessing these dates and not actually knowing anything for sure. Fuck you
...no, actually they will be. The week prior to these dates there is a HUGE dance residency that's being paid for/arranged by like four different groups/grants/departments on campus. Residencies are planned a year in advance and LAST time they had Flunk Day during a dance residency the dance department FLIPPED and it caused them major havoc. The week after that, the only possible days are Monday and Wednesday due to a.) Midwest Conference tournaments AT KNOX and b.) dance main stage shows, which, due to dance ensemble, count as academics this term and thus cannot be messed with. They want to have Flunk Day in April since it's been in May so long so it can't be any other week than this.
-You have your facts wrong...academic things CAN be messed with if they are not requested off from the flunk day planners. Also, who wants to have flunk day in april..you say "they"...who is they? Give us hard core facts...or else you are just guessing. Thanks!
-FACT: Jen Smith and Kathleen Ridlon (dance faculty) have said that they made the dates of the mainstage dance concert known on the "Don't let it be Flunk Day" Calendar. Dance has been screwed over the past two years, and this is a two-term academic commitment. They just CAN'T do it the first week of May.
-What is all this talk of 'facts'? What are these strange beings and who decided Flunk Day was about them? WHAT IS THIS CRAZINESS?
-two security guards were overhead near the mudpit talking that flunk day will be tuesday ... and that they should tell the bettas that it will be thursday just to mess with the bettas... (why specifically the bettas?) <---I do believe the fraternity on campus is not a type of fish (betta), I do believe that they prefer it to be spelled Betas. Now back to important flunk day ramble.<-- says you.
-is flunk day better than sex? discuss. <- Why do you assume they are mutually exclusive? is Flunk day better WITH sex? Discuss.
-Britt Anderson's 21st birthday is the 28th--could she have given herself the best birthday present ever?
READ BEFORE BITCHING ABOUT MUD PIT AGAIN:
we're working on it...yeah, it looks like shit. we know. it has to start out somewhere. do you really want us to finish it in time for security to fill it in? that's what i thought. <---also, all of our shovels keep getting confiscated; even the hidden ones. it's not like we're not trying. <---you have a good week to do it, chill out. and become better at not getting caught. <---Keep trying! It's a lot of pressure, we know. I'm sure that the Flunk Day 2010 mud pit will be the best one yet!<-----This just in! Flunk day mud pit will be turned into a flunk day jello pit for 2010.<--The girls of Conger 3 last year never needed shovels. Grow a pair and improvise or use your hands, because as of now the flunk day Gods do not approve.
UPDATE! I quote Jenn Snider, "Flunk Day will not be next Monday(April 26th), I would cry."
^Everyone knows that you can't trust anything Jenn says. She's crafty.<--club budgets are due this day and the finance committee is meeting at night to go over them. <---They will be meeting at night, meaning if the lights are on late at night people shouldn't be suspicious? Are they trying to mislead us?
