Flunk Day 2013

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Was 2012 The Final Flunk?

October 1, 2012 There was a large ring around the moon. No flunk day. <--- CONFIRMED. That shit was wack.

November 26, 2012 Xavier spotted with his 6-footer bong ("water-pipe" to undergraduates). Last year he was spotted hopping off a train car full of bums, holding his 6-footer, ripping his shirt off, and screaming "FLUUUUNK" so loud he shattered the Gizmo Patio and killed the lower branches on many trees, which explains both the replacement of the patio and the removal of a good amount of beloved foliage. This year, though Xavier is almost forgotten among the younger generations of Knox, he made a glorious comeback by returning today with former President Roger Taylor (also unknown among young Knoxians) in a stretch Cadillac limousine. Reports indicate the limousine "rolled up" to the Seymour loading dock where, bongs in hand and enveloped in smoke, Xavier and Roger emerged, tipped their purple leopard-print hats at Helmut, and simultaneously exclaimed, "FLUNK DIGGETY, MOTHA FLUNKAS," before entering the steam tunnels where they are to remain until the sacred Flunk Day rituals commence.<-----CONFIRMED!!!!

December 19, 2012 A few days before the end of the world, crows were spotted on campus NOT BEING OBNOXIOUS. Ladies and Gentlemen, the final flunk was definitely in 2012.

March 4, 2013 Roof falls off of Neal.

March 5, 2013 Flunk season is fast approaching. Ready your skepticism and flunk day stashes!

March 15, 2013 18-Wheel truck spotted on N Henderson. FLUNK DAY TOMORROW CONFIRMED!!!!

March 27, 2013 John Dooley says flunk day PROBABLY won't be on a friday. Could he be lying to us? <----John Dooley is a KNOWN LIAR <----Regardless, a friday is unlikely.

March 28, 2013 Official Tim Kasser Flunk Day prediction: April 26. The second mention of a Friday this Flunk Day season. This could be huge.

8:04 p.m.: Kaitlyn Duling spotted in Gizmo discussing secrets with Union Board members. Secrets of FLUNK????

March 29, 2013 Went to Master Stirfry. Got a fortune cookie and it said 'Behold! Andrei Papancea might be one of the flunk day planners'. ---> THIS COULD BE HUGE ----> Andrei Papancea went to Vegas for spring break. The Killers are from Vegas. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! ---> Fellow Union Board member Arnold Salgado went to Vegas with Andrei. IT WAS TOTALLY A SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNING SESSION. ---> Andrei's response to these accusations: "Muahahahaha." Smells fishy...

April 20, 2013 4:204:204:204:204:20LINCOLNFEST4:204:204:204:204:20 The only day in recorded history Knox students were on time to anything.

April 21, 2013 IT'S DEFINITELY TOMORROW, RIGHT? Yeah. Totally.

Flunk Theme 2013

The Flunk Day Theme of 2013 is SPACE. Fact: Flunk Day will be replaced by Flunk NIGHT.

Flunk Predictions

Senior Anna Meier has a series on The Knox Student's website to predict flunk day. You can follow that here: http://www.theknoxstudent.com/editors/

Sophomore Cody Sehl has made a thing of beauty: http://isitflunkdayyet.com/

The Official Sam Martone Flunk Day Prediction stands at a bold April 24. "Things are moving fast on the Flunk front, which means the OSMFDP remains April 24." — Sam Martone (@s_martone) April 12, 2013

April 1

At approximately 9:47 p.m, Jessica Howard was spotted in a groutfit while going into the Quickie. She may or may not had been struggling to stand up straight and trouble staying clothed. Is she possibly stocking up on booze for Flunk Day tomorrow? CONFIRMED THIS COULD BE HUGE!

April 3

All Union Board Events are scheduled for a Friday or Saturday. Smooth move giving us no clues from the UB schedule, Planners.

10:11 a.m.: TKS rumored to be making the Flunk Day issue tonight. Flunk Day is tomorrow.

April 8

First all-nighter of the term. Flunk Day swiftly approaches.

Flunk Day Friar Email sent out- this is the first time in my time here in these glorious lands that they have asked for sign-ups for Friars. Something is fishy.

The Flunk day planners seen together at the caf and immediately after at Post Lobby talking.

Freshman will have had their mandatory Flunk day suite meetings by Thursday of this week.

April 9

Saw Regina Rosenbruck on the west side of Galesburg walking alone by the sandwich shop on Main. Flunk Day is confirmed tomorrow. And its being catered cause caf food tastes like the inside of a pigs asshole.

The caf got large shipments of frozen cookies over the weekend, including seven extra boxes of the same flavor. Possibly preparing for Flunk?

April 11

T-shirt email sent out. Today is not flunk day, but tomorrow IS.

Andrei Papancea seen in a mirror at The Landmark. Shenanigans.

April 14

10:34pm - Hodor confirmed as musical act. I hope he plays "Hodor", it's a classic.

April 15

Regina and Kaitlyn were seen buying their flunk day stashes this weekend, FLUNK DAY IS THIS WEEK! ^that wasn't Kaitlyn's Flunk day stash- that was her weekend stash.

First day selling Flunk Day shirts!

5:27pm - Monday is Flunk Day. <--- CONFIRMED!

5:55pm - Prayer to the Flunk Gods of El Dia De FLUNK:

"Oh gods of the ether, gods of the Flunk Bring us this day our daily dunk of righteous catharsis and nightmarish rhymes so that we remember these drunk, dirty times."

6:07pm - I got the Walmart card from Cindy for an event this weekend, but she never said it was due on Monday. SHE ALWAYS SAYS. IT CANNOT BE DUE ON MONDAY BECAUSE CINDY IS GOING TO BE FLUNKING HER DAY AWAY!

6:40 looking at the weather forecast for the next 10 days... tomorrow? Only a 20% chance of rain and 60 degrees. Sounds like Flunking Weather.

7:05 PM. My friend works in the caf, and he overheard two ladies talking about tomorrow's schedule and how they need to fill an early shift tomorrow. The kitchen manager lady was nominated, but she said "There's no way I am going to come in THAT early tomorrow. It's way to early and Helmut can get someone from the Gizmo or something..." She obviously knows that Flunk Day is tomorrow and doesn't see the need to come in when it's FLUNK DAY. <------ also, there seem to be a lot of extra buns. ... and cookies!

7:27pm: Lincoln Fest is next Saturday. . . isn't Flunk Day usually within a week of that? <- And Earth Month events are primarily the following week, so early this week seems golden.

7:54 p.m: Any status on the mud pit and/or planners?? <-- Where are our trusty seniors!? Homework or Hogracing?

8:12pm: SPIES

8:27pm -- I JUST REALIZED THAT THE SIGN UPS FOR FLUNK DAY FRIARS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT HAS HAPPENED AND SO THAT MEANS THEY NEEDED TO KNOW ASAP WHICH MEANS THAT FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW BECAUSE IT IS AS SOON AS IT CAN BE WITHOUT INTERFERING WITH EARTH WEEK AHHHHHH START DRINKING! <-- Dude they haven't even had a chance to sell t-shirts or send out the safety e-mail... <+++++ SO!? THEY CAN SEND IT OUT ON THE DAY OF! THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR!! NO JIL GATES, NO SYSTEME!! ... Calm yerself. --> Flunk day isn't for awhile; no friars, shit weather, its too close to midterms

8:41p.

Flunk day is not today

But we did read this in an email from Deb Southern:

"The clock is ticking . . . let’s make sure that we work together to ensure that future generations of Knox students will have the opportunity to experience Flunk Day."

SAFETY EMAIL SENT OUT. The season of Flunk is upon us.

10:48 p.m: A mysteriously large vehicle drove past the quads twice, shining its luminescent headlights across the buildings. SUSPICIOUS!

April 16

Dear Conger/Neal, WHY IS THERE NO FUCKING MUD PIT YET?!?! Flunk day is just around the corner and there is no progress. Step it up quads! Plus, the fact that it might rain again will make the digging easier and more fun.

The famous Art Department Field Trip to Chicago that was scheduled for April 16 was mysteriously canceled on account of too few people signing up... riiiight...

ALL THE SENIORS ARE CHANGING THEIR PROFILE PICTURES TO PICTURES OF FLUNK. FLUNK IS OBVIOUSLY UPON US.

3:30 p.m: The Axis Dance Company workshops that were supposed to take place Thursday, Friday, and Saturday have been cancelled! Obviously Flunk day is Thursday! I mean, how many emails did YOU receive about signing up for it, and now its suddenly canceled!

11:35pm: Suspicious yelling outside the Yellows. Seniors know all. Flunk Day is tomorrow.

April 17

It's a Wednesday. Suspicious.

Heavy rains are forecasted today; along with perfect conditions for Mud Pit Digging. GET ON IT CONGER/NEAL! ASSEMBLE THE SHOVELS! NEAL 1. MAKE THE FUCKING MUDPIT. I'm talking to you, Mickey, Jodi, Stephanie, Ella, Katie, Britney, Becky and Savannah. Oh And Angie, it would help if you would MOTIVATE your residents, to do THEIR FUCKING JOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^^^ who the fuck is Savannah?! #unansweredquestions #theflunkisuponus

THE MUD PIT DIGGING HAS COMMENCED! Flunk day screamers, start your engines!! <--- CONFIRMED!! The storm gods know its flunk season!

April 19

Flunk Day did - once - occur on a Friday. Tony Gant reported having extremely hungover, severely sunburnt students the following Monday.

Could 2013 be the year of FridayFlunk?

Weather forecast calls for snow. Flunking in the snow? Sounds worse than last year in the rain..

It's an Admitted Students day so it can't be today.

12:00 a.m: RUMORS OF MUDPIT DIGGING TONIGHT!

http://thewikifire.org/images/thumb/2/2b/FLUNKDAYISTODAY.png/180px-FLUNKDAYISTODAY.png

THIS MUST NEVER DIE Twas the night before Flunk Day, when all throughout Knox Not a creature was sleeping, not even the Fox. The Wiki and Facebook both opened with care, In the hopes that Flunk Day news would soon be there.

The friars were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of mud pits danced in their heads. And Roommate with booze, and I with my stash, Were all buckled in for the crazy ol’ bash.

When out in the Quads there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew in a flash, Where someone there shouted, “Get off of your ass!”

The sun on the top of newly-made mud Gave excitement and awe to first years and their buds. When, what to my wandering eyes should appear, But a big group of seniors, with a whole lot of cheer!

With a check of my inbox, to see what they say, I knew in a moment it must be Flunk Day! More rapid than eagles, the friars they came, They whistled and shouted, and called out by name:

“Now Conger! Now Neal! Now Elder and Four Name! Oh, Post! On, Furrow! Sherwin, don’t dare be lame! To the pit filled with mud! To the lawn of Old Main! Now drink away! Drink away! Let’s all go insane!!!”

April 22

Meatless Monday. Meatless Flunk Day? <--- False. Meatless Monday is a confirmed Earth month event. <--- Helmut is distracting us from the truth. The only way he would agree to such a dramatic change in his schedule is if he knew it wouldn't actually happen. #FlunktheEarthDay.

Kaitlyn Duling gets a glimmer of fear in her eyes every time someone mentions Meatless Monday. <----SUSPICIOUS.

Craig Southern spotted on campus several times this weekend.... making sure everything goes well for a Monday Flunk Day?

Upper Classmen seen at Hyvee buying their Flunk Day stash!--->CONFIRMED!

Good weather predicted. No athletic events. Seniors have made all necessary flunk day stash procurements.

SPOTTED: Regina and Craig Southern at the Landmark. Making final preparations undoubtedly. ---> WHAT TIME?!-> 8:30!

One of my senior housemates just disappeared and can't be reached. This is unusual. Friar?

Wouldn't a meatless Flunk Day be SO KNOX? Is there even meat in space? <--- Only freeze dried. If they want it to truly be Space Flunk, there will be no meat. <--- THIS COULD BE HUGE

8:31pm: Craig Southern spotted in Gizmo, paused in line, and exited. Last minute Flunk Day planning?

10:17pm >>>>Confirmed reports cite seeing Craig Southern on the telephone in his office around 10:00pm. >>>>THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!! <<<NOPE! Interviewing campus life position

10:17pm: BBBBBBRRRRRRIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKKKK SQQQQQQQUUUUUAAAAAADDDDDDD

10:20 Who has tabs on Regina and Kaitlyn? COULD FLUNK DAY BE TOMORROW?!

10:29 Lights on in the mailroom! Someone keep watch!

Matthew Becker, one of last years friars, was on campus this weekend. Supposed to be leaving Monday. Why not Sunday? Something's Flunky!

Three students in Tompkins were just informed by Kathleen Drake that tomorrow is el Dia de Flunk! Should we start drinking now??

10:45 Kaitlyn's cover photo has turned to Flunk.

10:57PM: Andrei Papancea looks unusually chipper doing his homework tonight... Sign of Flunk Day in the air?

11:03 Three Seniors seen with booze and air horns. Are they Friars? >>>>>>THIS COULD BE HUGE<<<<<<<

11:12 Strange animal noises coming from Tompkins. Tomorrow is Flunk <<<<< CONFIRMED.

11:14 Senate president Mike Gasparro changed his profile pic to FLUNKING with Senior class president Justin Steele in it!!! Coincidence? I think not!!!! he has to know <<- THIS COULD BE HUGE!! >>>>>CONFIRMED<<<<<<

11:20 Bethany Marinier leaves the townhouses suspiciously, refuses to answer questions as to where she's going <<< Confirmed!

11:24 Jil Gates, former Master of Fun and Flunk Goddess changed her cover photo to a picture from Flunk Day 2011. She definitely knows that tomorrow's the Flunk.<--- SHE DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE ANYMORE! <--- You think the planners wouldn't invite her to Flunk with us?!!?!? THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!

11:27pm There are barely any people in the library.....the flunk is all around us. <<<-CONFIRMED

It has be said that the flunk shipment arrived friday, they can't it for too long. Flunk day is tomorrow. <---- Shipment could also have been for the Lincolnfest picnic. The caf gets shipments every single day. Doesn't mean anything.

The old flunk day twitter is in denial. Why so eager to say there's no flunk? Suspicious. <<<- CONFIRMED

No one thinks it's Flunk Day tomorrow.....ergo, Flunk Day is tomorrow!

11:30 pm Bethany Mariner and Andrei Papancea are spotted hurrying into the Gizmo. Flunk is afoot...

11:45 I see a new Flunk Day Song. Found from a status on Facebook: I believe I can flunk. I believe I can flunk this year! I think about it every night and day. Pour a drink and flunk away! I believe I can flunk!!!! I see me running through Old Main's lawn. I believe I can flunk :-)

11:57pm: Matt J has a court date at 10:30 on April 22nd, it's totally Flunk Day. <-- I don't know if this is CONFIRMED but either way THIS IS HUGE.

11:59p.m: Regina Rosenbrock spotted sealing her eyes shut with neon puffy paint. Flunk? <-- Why would you seal your eyes with puffy paint if the greatest day of the year is coming up? Should be lining them and making them stay open! For all the Flunking!

12:03am: Renowned former Knox attendee, Alicia Niles seriously considers buying a 7am train ticket as Flunksurance, THIS COULD BE HUGE <-- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUFT35S7Jb4

12:31 AM: SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS <--- When the Dark Lords of Flunk evoke the ghost of Lincoln, times are desperate.

April 23

Nothing proves otherwise, isn't that good enough?

April 24

Josh Hosmer-Quint asked Kaitlin Duling if Flunk Day is gonna be this upcoming Wednesday. She winked at him. Seems legit. <--- NOT LEGIT. NOT CONFIRMED. Just because she winked at him DOESN'T MEAN IT'S GONNA BE FLUNK DAY. <--- Yeah! Kaitlyn Duling winks at everybody. REAL NICE PREDICTION YOU HAVE THERE. <--- I so agree with you. I wish people would stop posting jokes on the WikiFire. I actually want to know when Flunk Day is going to be. <--- Confirmed. Some people are serious students and actually need to know for their planning. <--- I KNOWWWW. <--- Yeah, people seriously need to stop trolling. <---but the WikiFire is troll central. It's part of the fun. DO YOU EVEN GO HERE <--- Look, referencing The Breakfast Club doesn't make you look smarter. Editing The Wiki Fire doesn't make you more clever. And trolling me definitely isn't gonna stop me from beating you. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. <--- Well that escalated quickly.

^^^FOR THE SAKE OF THE ABOVE, LET IT BE FLUNK ON THIS DAY. Have you people lost the spirit entirely? Or are you first years who know no better? Flunk Day is not about planning. Flunk Day is not about being a serious student. Why else would they put FLUNK in the title? FLUNK your planners, FLUNK your regular lives, FLUNK FLUNK FLUNK. THIS COULD BE HUGE.

April 25

This was the day that was supposed to be Flunk last year. It was sunny, it was warm, and there was a good scare, but everyone ended up walking around looking depressed because it was not Flunk. How clever would it be of the planners to give us the Flunk we've been waiting for?

April 26

Official Tim Kasser prediction.

Admitted students day- Flunk will not be today. Unlikely to be day before because campus will be messed up for the prospies. <--- False. Admitted Students Day is this Friday (the 19th). CHECK YO EVENTS CALENDAR. <---CONFIRMED. April 26 is NOT an Admitted Students day. There are no more of them!

Run-A-Thon- Flunk will not be today.

Plus, Knox is making a big deal of the Earth Month activities for that weekend and they likely don't want the campus all messed up for that. <---Campus has been flunked up for bigger activities. If this day is not Flunk, it will more likely be because it is a Friday.

The State Superintendent of Education is visiting campus today. Not a chance of Flunk.

April 29

The last two Flunk Days were on May 1 and 2. This week seems to be golden. But might it be earlier this year? Or later? <--- the school year goes later this year Flunk Day could be later. <--- Highly likely. <-- But Amott is concerned with the aesthetics of the campus and its marketability, so she may want it earlier to clean up before the late spring and summer round of school visits.

Word is the Baseball Gods and the Flunk Day Gods have been working in cahoots this year. After a long trip to and from Wisconsin on this weekend the combo of Gods have decided that this is the only viable option for Flunk Day. The scripture is written and so it shall be.

There is a professor from California giving a lecture today.

April 30

There is a Caxton Club speaker coming from Nevada on this day, but who cares about Nevada?

This is Max Potthoff's birthday. Obviously it is Flunk Day.

Custodial Staff is predicting a late April , Early May Flunk Day! April 30 has to be Flunk Day<---------------This Could Be Huge!!!!!! <-- Certain Caf workers also informed me that they got the Menu for Flunk Day in the second week in April. They said that usually the day happens only a week or two after they receive the menu- placing it around the 4th week in April or April 30th. If its April 30th, its gonna make cinco de mayo the shit that sunday.

Also who's got ideas about the flunk day stash? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/8/84/Bottles_of_Canadian_Club_Whisky.JPG

May 7

There is a 65% chance that Flunk Day is before May 7. So sayeth the Gods of Flunk. <--- My Honors defense is May 7. My committee says I have to defend regardless of Flunk. There is only one way to deal with this possibility. <--- Be drunk all the time?

May 8

Date of UB music event changed to May 8th from the 11th. <---Moved due to a Knox Dems event that day

Liz Carlin-Metz, Professor and Smith V. Brand Endowed Chair in Theatre Arts, told her directing class that Flunk Day should be on May 8. And thus our queen has spoken, and so it shall be. <--- it's true the theatre professors wield more power than you might think <--- Not that much power. <--- no it's true it has to do with the scheduling of theatre plays and stuff. they're doing like a new play carnival they have to have the schedule so they can plan when the plays are gonna be. <--- Not confirmed. <--- no, it's true i talked to this girl who is in the New Play Carnival! <--- Liz is ruler of all and the godmother of empress Blue Ivy (as well as BFFs with her mother The Queen Bey so that they may bask in each others fabulosity and be drunk) and therefore holds all of the power. She also holds the unofficial title of the Petting Zoo Keeper at this New Plays Carnival.

May 9

JPow thinks Flunk Day is May 9. Just sayin'. <--JPow predicted that this was the Flunk Date LAST YEAR. He will prove to be incorrect again!