Flunk Day 2015

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Considering the "Final Flunk" is already years passed, will there even be a Flunk Day this year? Is it always going to be on a Monday? Will Professor Umbridge (The Deans Southern) finally and forever kill fun? Will Students For Flunk Day Truth actually "battle against the academic gluttony of the East Coast Ivory Tower Intellectual Liberal Elitists" and once and for all convince the Knox community that Flunk Day is not, in fact, real? Most importantly, what we must ask ourselves at such times is, "Should I grab my bong and Pabst Blue Ribbon now and squeeze and extra 12 hours out of this Flunk Day or wait for the email?" For answers, we look to history: Flunk Day 2014, Flunk Day 2013, and so on. As for tangible, informed sources, we know that only the true harbinger of Flunk is that revered pastoral scene of Xavier Romano and Roger Taylor riding Ol' Smokie (their unicorn) and puffing on their 6-footer. Until such a time comes: Flunk on, brave Flunkers, Flunk on.


June 18, 2014

Galesburg zoned for marijuana growing operations, THIS COULD BE HUGE.[1]

October 12th, 2014

3:32 PM STUDENT CAF WORKER INSIDER INFORMATION: Multiple beer kegs seen inside the loading area for the cafeteria. Could be for homecoming, OR HOMECOMING COULD BE A COVER. Helmut's stockin' up.

November 2nd, 2014

1:02 PM First signs of Hamgenda appear on campus. Several students receive ham in their omelettes when they asked for bacon. From this point on the Hamgenda's presence can only increase.

1:12 PM Students create first anti-Hamgenda party.

November 10th, 2014

Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars released. Uptown Funk? Uptown FLUNK. THIS IS HUUUUGGGEEEEE!!!

January 1st, 2015

Decoding the numbers from 2015 into letters 2-B 0- nothing 1-A 5-E

2015 WILL BE THE YEAR OF BAE Flunk day will be the flunk of bae

March 5th, 2015

WILD WILD FLUNK shirts being sold in Seymour while Donor Days sunglasses handed out, for FREE. This could bE HUGE.

March 7th, 2015

Helmut claims the dishwasher is broken, different brands of paper plates and plastic cups being used in the caf. Is the dishwasher really broken? Or are the cafeteria workers testing paper plate brands for FLunk Day?? Seems the dishwasher broke around the same time last year..hmm this cOULD BE hUGE!

Friday, March 20

Union Board announces that the "Flunk Day Pep Rally," at which the Flunk Day theme will be announced and seniors may sign up to be Friars, will be on Wednesday, March 25. Students contemplate whether to show up for this event drunk, high, or drunk and high.

Wednesday, March 25

Maybe Teresa will announce that the Pep Rally IS AND WILL COUNT AS Flunk Day this year. Wouldn't that be exciting?

"After the Pep Rally, let's all gather together in the Quads as a community and start digging the mud pit." - Roger Taylor

Tuesday, FB, Matt Sugai: "Flunk Day is tomorrow. Pass it on." <--- 35 likes <--- alumni confirmation from Nick Price and Jamie Ruml. <--- Andrew Cook: "has there been any wikifire activity yet?"

Diana Marutyan is a secret Flunk Day planner <--- CONFIRMED! <----NO IM NOT. LEAVE ME BE.

Union Board: Theme is Jurassic Flunk. Matt Sugai: Theme is Uptown Flunk. WHO TO BELIEVE???? #TeachtheControversy

Kyle Hall: "I was considering putting as the subject for the email for the show tonight 'FLUNK DAY THEME REVEALED.' Then they'd open it and it'd be like, 'The Flunk Day theme is punk. Come to the show.'" <--- Kyle Hall is a secret Flunk Day planner? #FlunxNotDead

Friday, March 27

Coltan Parker confirmed Flunk Day planner!! Wiktoria Goscik steps down from Union Board... THIS COULD BE HUGE

Wednesday, April 1

Cafeteria menus on My.Knox resort to gibberish. No meals tomorrow? FLUNK DAY.

Thursday, April 2

Coltan Parker and Ashlee Pitts seen walking together outside of Seymour Library. Highly suspicious.

Monday, April 6

Overnight, the lawn in front of Alumni Hall has been turned into a symbol of the mud pit. It's a bold move, but perhaps the administration decided that the reopening of this building was a momentous enough occasion to finally announce their secret support of the pit and all it's muddy goodness.

Housing lottery numbers have still not been given. Koreen is obviously shirking her duties and drinking in preparation for Flunk Day tomorrow.

Michelle Weber -- Super secret Flunk Day Planner. Frequents Travis Greenlee's office and has a penchant for dinosaur-themed antics. THIS COULD BE HUGE. ------> CONFIRMED. MICHELLE WEBER IS SUPER SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNER.

Wednesday, April 8

Caf ladies overheard talking about having to come in EXTRA early on Wednesday. THE DAY OF FLUNK IS UPON US!!

Some Union Board members also mentioned having to work early in the morning???

Travis Greenlee was spotted on campus doing some "last minute preparation". Prepping... for FLUNK DAY?!?!?!!? <------ As hard as Travis works, there is NO WAY he would be on campus this late unless it was something as urgent as an early-morning Flunk Day!

6 large trailers in the walmart parking lot???????<------- BOUNCE HOUSES?! <---- WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE?!

11:57 PM Trains were heard. It's a sign. Prepare to Flunk.

Saturday, April 12th

IMPORTANT: After some digging (both in the mud pit and figuratively) the following evidence has been identified..

1.The theme is Jurassic Flunk--> Jurassic Park was directed by Steven Spielberg--> Spielberg directed the movie Lincoln--> The screenplay for Lincoln was written by Tony KUSHner --> I think you see my point here.

aka guest flunk appearance by Steven Spielberg and his 6 foot bong.

Monday, April 13th

First: this date tag was left blank for the entirety of April 12... This is very suspicious.

Second: On April 12th, Cassie McLaughlin posted on Facebook that Union Board has finished selling Flunk Day T-shirts. Confirmation that this is THE DAY??? I think so.

Also, The Knox Student has redone the layout of the paper. I have confirmation they have finished the Flunk Day edition of the paper.

Confirmed: Cassie McLaughlin sent Union Board an email telling them the times they would be working Flunk Day shifts. She also stated via Facebook T-shirt sells were ending.... FLUNK DAY IS NEAR

First scare was today. THIS COULD BE HUGE. <---- CONFIRMED the season of Flunk can now officially begin

Tuesday, April 14th

Several students have been seen changing their profile pictures to pictures from last year's flunk day.

ON TOP OF THAT THE GOOGLE LOGO HAS GONE WESTERN (IN REMEMBRANCE OF LAST YEAR'S WILD WILD FLUNK??) THIS IS DEFINITELY HUGE. THE FLUNK IS SOON.

Michelle Weber overhead talking to a friend on the phone about acquiring and/or expanding her Flunk Day stash. THE FLUNK IS NIGH.

Wednesday, April 15th

The annual flunk day email has been sent. I repeat, the email has been sent. Any day is now fair game for flunkage.

April 16th isn't even on here. This could be huge

Michelle Weber left her apartment late in the night and returned stumbling and singing the theme to Jurassic Park. She won't tell her roommates where she went. Flunk preparation activities? Check: Yes.

Thursday, April 16

Knox friars spotted preparing and drinking for Thursday's flunk day! Turn Up Up!flunk day 2015!

I'm still up in Seymour working on a IR paper from hell. No activity in the mailroom. It isn't today.

Everything about today is no.

Sources confirm that Michelle Weber is having a private Jurassic Park viewing party in her apartment this afternoon in order to brief herself on dinosaur-handling ethics. A quote from Michelle herself: "No dinosaurs will be harmed in the making of this Flunk." Stay tuned.

Friday, April 17

This is the last admitted students day. Let the games (and the flunking) BEGIN!

Monday, April 20

Flunk Day recently has been on a lot of Mondays, and maybe the administration hopes to kill two birds with one stone by forcing Knox students to consolidate two of their most important holidays. If there is anything we know to be true, it is that having a Flunk Day on 4/20 would be like having your birthday on Christmas, only worse.

Bethany is visiting for the weekend, possibly staying Monday to celebrate the flunk she never had as planner? -- CONFIRMED. Bethany is staying with Michelle Weber. Possibly conspiring as an alumni super-super-secret Flunk Day Planner.

Knox is famous for rainy Flunk Days...so it's definitely today.


WICTORIA CHANGES HER PROFILE PICTURE= FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW!

Yik yak claims there was significant digging done on the mud pit last night. Somebody confirm!

Approximately 9pm- Alyssa Gill, alum extraordinaire, makes a suspiciously flunky Facebook post telling us all to get some sleep... Tomorrow is flunk day

Tuesday, April 21

The only significant event on the events calendar is Natasha Trethewey. She was the commencement speaker last year, so she could be in on the Flunk plan!<-----Last I spoke with the TA they arranged this recently, until two weeks ago the date was up in the air. Flunk day was not planned around this.

Union Board official Flunk Day shirts are IN! Just in time for Flunk tomorrow?

Past Flunk Day planner, Bethany Marinier, sited on campus and speaking to Travis. They must have needed help with final preparations for Flunk Day TOMORROW and called in backups!

Wednesday, April 22

As of Tuesday, April 21, Walmart is out of Nalgene water bottles. THIS COULD BE HUGE

Professional photographer will be on campus on both the 22nd and 23rd. Coming to take pictures of Flunk Day perhaps?

Campus hasn't been buzzing nearly as much as it should be by now... This is the perfect time for the school to pull a surprise hump day flunk! What has humps besides a Wednesday flunk day? Dinosaurs. You're welcome.

Steve Harwell spotted running into the memorial gym - this could be HUGE. Smash mouth has arrived.

Is the Mud Pit ready yet? The Mud Pit determines when we flunk.

Thursday, April 23

William Shakespeare and Clint Davis celebrate their respective birthdays (420 years apart) today.

Overheard some caf workers talking about a big shipment coming in today. Flunk Day food? GET YOUR STASHES READY! THE FLUNK IS UPON US!

Former professor said he has been hearing rumors that he is "feeling good about" and advised to get prepared tonight. Can this source be trusted? Should we all be holding onto our butts?? <--- depends on where he heard the rumors, but if he's advising us to get prepared it might be a good source

Prof. Stuart Allison seen walking in front of the Beanhive carrying a suspicious paper bag at 3:48 PM. Clearly it is hallucinogenics. Clearly it's prep for flunk day. THIS COULD BE HUGE~!!

I'll be pulling another all nighter for Sue's IR theory class most likely, so I'll give updates on any mailroom activity early in the morning. In the future someone who lives in seymour should probably be checking the mailroom at 4 or 5. <--- what time do they start stuffing mailboxes? People should be checking the caf too! Helmut has to get in early to make Flunk Day Breakfast!

Yo, guys. They locked the mailroom. They're gonna fill all the boxes with goodie bags TONIGHT. THE FLUNK IS UPON US. <--- They lock the mailroom every night, we need more evidence than this

On Wednesday, April 22, actual Michelle Weber said, and I quote, "I reallllyyy hope tomorrow isn't Flunk Day." Which means: PREPARE TO FLUNK.

11:13 PM-The big one has the others testing the fences. They're looking for weaknesses. Flunk is nigh.

11:17 PM- Seniors in the Hamblin area screaming that Flunk Day is tomorrow.

Cassie McLaughlin asked Diana Marutyan to cover her C-Store shift tomorrow. Surely this means that Flunk Day isn't tomorrow???<---Unless this is just meant to throw us off the scent!

I asked Cassie McLaughlin if Flunk Day was tomorrow and she said, "I don't know, is it?" FLUNK CONFIRMED

Cassie McLaughlin is being talked about a lot today. She is slightly uncomfortable. <---confirmed

Coltan Parker's planner has X's on the 28th, 29th, and 30th. What does this mean??

11:45 PM-I have still have half of this paper to write. Based on my luck, flunk will be tomorrow and I will write the rest hungover on Friday. <--- Hello hulett my old friend

1:00AM-MAILROOM LIGHTS ARE ON!!! IDK HOW I GOT IN HERE [2] <--- This isn't a picture from tonight, there's way more stuff down there right now.

1:26 AM-Teresa and Ray spotted riding across the Quads on a T-Rex. THIS COULD BE HUGE.<---Anybody hear that? It's a, um... It's an impact tremor, that's what it is... I'm fairly alarmed here <---CONFIRMED!!<---Couldn't catch a pic of the T-Rex, but here's my water cup as evidence! [3]

1:31 AM-Senior Social went past expected time and seniors migrated to Cherry St. Their movement patterns are just like birds. Birds are dinosaurs. FLUNK CONFIRMED >>> "False. Birds may be descendants of theropods, but even that is controversial and based entirely on cladistics. Flunk day cannot be tomorrow." - Mikko Jimenez

1:35 AM-Campus suspiciously quiet...<---CONFIRMED. Silence = THE FLUNK IS NIGH!<---Campus is obviously trying not to move to hide from Teresa's T-Rex. FLUNK DOUBLE CONFIRMED

2:25 AM — I really really want to give up on this paper but I'm going to crank out 2 more pages and live with the consequences of not caring at all. IF IT IS FLUNK DAY TOMORROW SOMEONE WILL UNDOUBTEDLY GET YOLKED UP.

Friday, April 24

A road crew in China discovered dozens of fossilized eggs, clearly this is a sign of the unexpected: A FRIDAY FLUNK


Michelle Weber, Coltan Parker, and Diana Marutyan spotted at Baked at the SAME TIME. Friday flunk preparations in the works?! THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!

imagejpeg_0.jpg <---- That is a very convincing piece of evidence, FLUNK TOMORROW

Saturday, April 25

The paper plates and plastic utensils were out for lunch. Helmut leaves and secrets get out.


Sunday, April 26

April 26, 1995: "The Making of Jurassic Park" aired

1:20 PM - Ashlee Pitts, confirmed Flunk Day Planner, is blasting the Jurassic Park theme from her apartment!!! WHY SHE DO THIS?? BECAUSE FLUNK DAY IS MONDAY!!!<---confirmed.

2:24 PM - Just spotted Travis walking through Seymour. Is he usually here on weekends? THIS COULD BE HUGE. <---CONFIRMED!! Travis works every weekend NOT CONFIRMED

2:45 PM- Just got off the phone with Teresa, they're adding Paleontology as a major. THIS COULD BE HUUUUGE

3:53 PM - Overheard Michelle Weber saying "...gotta finish this work before tomorrow" <---Who says that?? FLUNK DAY MUST BE TOMORROW!!

4:01 PM - No copies of TKS left in the caf or in the library. They probably got rid of them so they could replace them with the Flunk Day Issue. Travis and TKS Editor Kate Mishkin were spotted weeks ago walking through Seymour carrying stacks of TKS. Probably the Flunk Day issue. Probably tomorrow.

4:50 PM - Ashlee Pitts spotted near library sipping out of her Flunk Day flask!<-- CONFIRMED!!

5:22 PM - Just acquired my flunk day stash. I'm so ready.

5:30 PM - Teresa Amott was seen trying to hide a Brachiosaurus in her backyard. YOU AIN'T SLICK GIRL THAT THING IS HUGE!

6:03pm- More dino eggs have been found in China. Strange that now's the time they choose to reveal themselves....

6:32 PM - Ashlee Pitts seen drinking on her balcony. Flunk Day Tomorrow!

6:51 PM - Isla Nublar in the mud pit is looking good. Flunk Day must be tomorrow <--- Pics or it didn't happen

7:00 PM - SPOTTED! Ashlee Pitts seen leaving sorority chapter early for a "project".

7:45 PM - LATER, ASHLEE PITTS SEEEN WEARING DINOSAUR HAT!! <--- THIS COULD BE HUGE! pics or it didn't happen

Monday, April 27

Nothing on the calendar for today and nothing on the Wikifire yet either? Suspicious...

The planners really like Mondays. Flunk Day has been on a Monday for the last couple of years. I'm sure it's this day. I can just feel it.

A little pterodactyl just flew by my window and told me that this will be the day. Would the cute little thing lie to me? That's your call but I'd get ready for a three day weekend!!! LET'S MOTHER FLIPPING FLUNK!!!


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There's a punk show on Sunday night at 8 at the barber shop. This means flunk must be Monday. Punk day!!!!

Tuesday, April 28

I'm suspicious that this date was not included yet. Are they hiding something????

There's a Milk Route performance for writing majors, which isn't even until 7:30pm. PLENTY of time for flunk

Wednesday, April 29

It is confirmed that John Schlaf will be retiring on April 30th. Far more plausible than good ol' John abandoning the campus just in time for a Friday Flunk Day is that he'll put in one last Flunk Day (but JUST one, dammit) and then retire promptly the day afterwards.

On April 6th, many Yik Yakers cited this as the foreshadowed date of the annual Flunk. They cited a booking with Entertainment Avenue as the reason behind such staunch belief, but this information is yet to be confirmed... <---- Entertainment Avenue doesn't keep listings of their bookings out on the website, so is it a flunk planner trying to throw us off, an excited freshman, or someone IN THE KNOW!!!! <--- don't you think the agency would know about the secrecy of the event, especially if they've been used before??? It's not going to be that easy to get the date from the company

A Women's Softball game scheduled for today was confirmed canceled. THIS COULD BE HUGE.

CASSIE A FLUNK DAY PLANNER HAS AN X IN HER CALENDAR FOR THIS DAY! <---- pics or it didn't happen

Pretty much nothing on the events calendar

Thursday, April 30

On March 12, John Schlaf announced that he will retire on April 30th. The advanced notice of his retire in the middle of the term seems suspicious...

But there's a big TRIO trip on this day, and I doubt they would plan them together. So I doubt its this day. Hmm.

The lucky numbers on my Joy Garden fortune cookie are 2, 12, 19, 30, 36, 40. I think that means today, the 30th, is the flunk. Or, May 2. Either way, THIS COULD BE HUGE.

Friday, May 1

John Schlaf probably decided to retire the day before so that he wouldn't have responsibility for FRIDAY FLUNK DAY!!!

The Orpheum debuts Shrek the Musical on this day. COULD THIS MEAN SMASH MOUTH IS THE FLUNK DAY MUSICIAN? THIS COULD BE HUGE.

HOLY FUCK SHREK THE FUCKING MUSICAL IS COMING TO GALESBURG???????

Avengers: Age of Ultron is released in theaters today. Chris Pratt plays a character in the MCU. Chris Pratt is starring in the new Jurassic Park movie. FLUNKVENGERS CONNECTION!!!

Monday, May 4

The only things on the events calendar that day are a few club meetings and Writer's Block. Easily rescheduled. FLUNK

Confirmed. May the Fourth be with you. <-- The Union Board is a big fan of Star Wars. <-- Confirmed

Tuesday, May 5

It's a Tuesday, warm weather... Is this finally the year we will see Cinco de Flunko??

Wednesday, May 6

Later in the term, to avoid backlash from students and bad weather. Good midweek break. Coltan has his worst classes on Wednesdays - it stands to reason he would try to avoid them. No athletic events scheduled this day. THIS IS IT. ==> Best Buddy Olympics is today, I doubt planners would force that to be rescheduled. <----- when was the best buddy Olympics scheduled? If it wasn't in the fall basically, it wouldn't be taken into account when picking the day. It could STILL BE FLUNK

Williams Shen thinks the Flunk will occur today. <----- But is the GoPro ready?

Thursday, May 7

Jurassic Park was broadcast on television for the first time on May 7, 1995

Thursday, May 14

On May 14, 1992 the FBI led a raid to claim the famous T Rex fossil Sue for the federal government. Rumors about an early flunk are merely a coverup for the real day. This late flunk will surprise everyone when Union Board leads its own raid on the Field Museum to claim Sue for flunk festivities.

Friday, June 12

Jurassic World will be released this day. Jurassic Flunk is millions of years in the making, so it can transcend the boundaries of the academic year.