Jesus Fucking Christ
As reported in The Knox Student, Jesus Fucking Christ is speaking at commencement in 2008. As a result of recent controversy, J. F. Christ's appearance may be cancelled. J. F. C.'s popularity on Knox campus has been bolstered by the recent controversy, with many more students calling out his name in times of dire distress or boning.
The controversy arose because of the headline used in the story in the Flunk Day Issue 2007 of TKS. Many people found the phrase "Jesus Fucking Christ" offensive, and its use prompted a public reprimand from President Roger Taylor, two formal charges to the Board of Publications, and numerous letters to the editor of TKS. Some found the phrase obscene, others hurtful, insensitive and gratuitous. The editorial staff of TKS admitted its hurtful nature in a printed apology in the May 11th issue. Other letter writers defended the use of the phrase on the grounds of the humorous nature of the Flunk Day issue and because the editors did not intentionally seek to cause harm. Still others defended its use on the grounds of free speech, and demonstrated to that effect outside the BIP hearing room.
Jesus Fucking Christ to speak at 2008 commencement
By the Holy Spirit, Official Spokesman for Jesus Christ
Knox College has received a lot of media attention over the past few years for its illustrious commencement speakers. John Podesta '71, President Bill Clinton's chief of staff, has helped Knox to book some of the hottest names in politics, including Barack Obama and Clinton himself. Next year, however, Knox has lined up one of the biggest social and political figures in history: Jesus Christ.
Stephen Colbert, Knox's graduation speaker for the graduating class of '06, was instrumental in convincing Christ to come all the way south from Heaven to Galesburg.
"It did upset me to be upstaged by Clinton, I'll admit, but I don't mind sharing my thunder with Jesus," said Colbert, who has what he describes as a "personal relationship" with the '08 speaker.
"[Christ's agent and Patron Saint of communication] Gabriel has been telling Me I should come out of the shadows sooner or later," said Christ. "I figured a graduation speech would be a nice way to get My feet wet without doing that whole second coming thing." Christ added that He was looking forward to being in a center of learning again, being a retired teacher Himself. He gave the famous "Sermon on the Mount" that has been well documented.
Though Christ is a largely Christian figure, students of all creeds are excited about His visit to Knox.
"I'm an atheist, but I'm also a pacifist," said junior Arb Orhugger ouch., who approves of the college's choice of speaker despite his lack of religious faith. "Do you think he'd do the water into wine trick at the luncheon? Can he do mimosas?"
Other students, however, were not so enthusiastic.
"I would have rather booked Oprah," said sophomore Cap Italist-Pig. "She and Jesus both think they're God, but Jesus probably won't leave us all car keys under our seats."
Although Knox is happy to have Christ on campus, the commencement will be tinged with a bit of sorrow, as Christ will be the last commencement speaker the college will ever have.
"I'm very proud that Jesus Christ has chosen to come to Knox, but He is an impossible act to follow," said President Roger Taylor, who plans to give Christ an honorary degree in theology. "After His coming to Knox, we will have no choice but to close the school."
Main article at Flunk Day Issue 2007
- "[A]lumni from outside Galesburg have called the College to express feelings ranging from disappointment to outrage. A trustee telephoned me to say that he was 'embarrassed' to be a Knox trustee and that he had not ruled out resigning from the board."
Ten faculty members, 43 members of the staff, 2 students and one emeritus professor signed a letter to the editor in the May 11th TKS, claiming that the language used in the TKS Flunk Day headline "revealed a complete and reprehensible lack of sensitivity to people of faith who work or study in the Knox community" and calling it "thoughtless, insensitive, profane, and perhaps even hostile." Another student wrote that the headline "exhibited poor taste"; he made the point that "there is a generally accepted line for where fun ends and offensive language begins. That line ... was crossed by the Flunk Day edition of TKS." On the other side of the ledger, a letter from a student praised the Flunk Day issue, calling it a "masterful piece of sidesplitting literature" and the lead story (on J.F.C.) "amazing."
The following issue (May 17) saw seven more letters to the editor. Six (4 students, 1 faculty member and 1 alumnus) defended TKS's use of the headline and/or criticised the administration for coming down too hard on the editors in its response. Three of the letter-writers defending the paper made a point of their own identify as Christians. One letter from a faculty member, on the other hand, found the TKS apology inadequate.
The final issue of the year (May 24) saw two more letters from students, one arguing that "many students and TKS editors haven't been able to walk in the moccasins of those who deemed the Flunk Day article inappropriate" and claiming that mainline Christians get little respect on the Knox campus, and one arguing in defense of free speech and claiming that "the administration is crossing a line ... in condemning the actions of TKS to the point that they are threatening to censure the newspaper or fire the current staff."
The following apology was printed as a Thoughts from the Embers column in the May 11, 2007 issue of TKS:
Flunk Day headline in bad taste
Every Flunk Day, the staff of The Knox Student publishes a joke issue. These issues are supposed to make people laugh and add to the spirit of celebration that accompanies the day.
However, a headline on the front page story of the issue (called The Looking Glass) took its joking too far. It used an expletive in the middle of the name Jesus Christ. People were offended and upset, some of them passionately so.
We deeply regret hurting some of our valued readers, and hope you will not hold our ability to report the news to the standard of this horrible misjudgment. We had intended for the word to show our imagined bewilderment at the announcement of Jesus as the 2008 commencement speaker (the topic of the story below it). But we understand that the use of an expletive in conjunction with the name of Jesus is not a joking matter to some of our readers. And for that misjudgment, we apologize.
Please read the letters to the editor in the center column. These are voices from our community that we alienated and harmed. Maybe through an intelligent and caring conversation, we can prove to you, our offended readers, that we care about you.
Main article at TKS Hearing
Two charges were filed against the editorial staff of TKS. One by Sue Hulett, Lance Factor, et. al. and the other by Dean Larry Breitborde. A hearing was held on May 24 in front of the Board of Publications. The verdict has been published.
Many others are of the opinion that Roger should just lighten up for Jesus Fucking Christ's sake.
Demonstrators outside the hearing distributed flyers including a "friendly reminder from conscientious members of the student body: Thou Shalt Not Censor. Jesus Says Don't Hate. In an authentic environment, no belief (read: IDEOLOGY) is exempt from parody or ridicule."