Portland, Oregon

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Portland, Oregon is pretty cool and right across the river from Vancouver, Washington!!


Portland, Oregon features the biggest book store west of the Mississippi (really). At one city block square and 6 floors high, Powell's Books is enormous. Portlanders like books almost as much as they like coffee.


People from Portland are coffee snobs. Good coffee doesn't exist in the midwest, although some people think Kaldi's gets kind of close. They have obviously never have had coffee in Portland.

Conversations about coffee with Portland residents are best avoided, they might make you cry. If you ever go to Portland, order Stumptown coffee. If you ever meet a Portlander ask them if their parents send them Stumptown beans – if so, make that person your new best friend.


There is beer, and then there is Beer. The city is home to more breweries than Cologne, Germany and some consider PDX to be the source of the microbrew revolution in the United States. Mayor Tom Potter recently declared the city's official nick name to be "Beertown," which, despite their love of beer, makes most Portlanders think he's a total moron. Fortunately for Knox Oregon-based Rogue Ale ships their quality product all the way to Discount Liquor in Galesburg. Unfortunately it's 7 bucks for a six-pack, but that's what you pay for quality.


The Portland Public School district is a disaster. If your Portland friend came out of the public school system you can be guaranteed they emerged a grizzled, jaded, disenchanted anti-student. If they look shocked on the first day of class it's probably because the Knox class rooms are clean, have heat, have a teacher and aren't full of 45 other students.


People from Portland are all gay (at least a little bit).


Portland, Oregon is home to a plethora of hipsters. The truth is, it's a fucking epidemic, but you can't have that much cool in a city without some consequences.


Portlanders are big on activism, bigger on civil disobedience, and biggest on making a scene. Don't piss them off, they might start a riot, especially if they run out of soy milk.

PDX @ Knox[edit]

Many people from Portland go to Knox, which is a little weird given the distance. Most assume Portland residents are lured by the good looks of Paul Steenis — Dean of Admissions and head of recruitment in the Pacific Northwest. It certainly wasn't the coffee that brought them here (or the beer).

People from Portland are conceited, and with good reason. They can't help that God made them this way.

Portland is also known as "Little Beirut" (coined by George Bush Senior) "Ptown," "Stumptown," "The City of Roses," "Bridgetown," and "PDX".


Portland is full of good music, bands that call PDX home include:

  • The Dandy Warhols
  • The Decemberists
  • Everclear (note: Everclear sucks, but you gotta take the good with the bad)
  • Elliot Smith (R.I.P.)
  • The Thermals
  • Lifesavas
  • Sleater-Kinney
  • The Shins
  • Gossip
  • The Epoxies
  • Yacht

Having such artists on hand does not help the PDX ego complex.