Flunk Day 2008

Flunk Day 2008 is officially May 1st!! It is also tomorrow.

Rumors & Scares

Tuesday, Apr 15

ART/JOUR 218 graphic design students receive email from prof., re. a client project DEADLINE EXTENSION!

Original deadline: May 1 (Happy Flunk Day!). Negotiated deadline: May 2.

Monday, Apr 21

Rumors point to Monday as a good candidate date. This is corroborated by the fact that the 21st is now tomorrow, and everyone knows that Flunk Day is tomorrow.

However, one has to wonder whether the administration is really going to put flunk day right after 4/20.

Still, it might be worth it to throw off Ashcroft protests.

Tuesday, Apr 22

This date is likely for two reasons: first, the fact that it's Earth Day and the administration might want to disrupt festivities so that independently organized club events don't make the college's half-assed official sustainability efforts look bad.

Second, the John-Ashcroft-is-a Hoax theory states that actually John Ashcroft was never coming at all, and that it was simply a massive hoax to throw people off the track of Flunk Day. Then again, they totally wouldn't have advertised it to the public on the website. But it would certainly explain why no senate funds were used to bring him and why such a big name came to Knox.

Wednesday, Apr 23

Flunk Day was not on Wednesday however the best Flunk Day Scare ever happened. At 4:30AM over forty seniors gathered in all black at old Sigma Nu. The group couldn't wait till 5:45 to begin because most of them had been drinking all night. So at 4:50 a group picture was taken (will be on the next senior meeting flyer). At 5:00 the group was off towards Post and the Quads. Most of the seniors doing the scare decided that if it was really Flunk Day no one would come out. However, one suite in the quads was so convinced that they got in their swim suits and started drinking. A few min later security came. The event ended near the apartments after waking Jenny Davis up.

Pretty much everyone thinks it's Wednesday. It would be a good way to work off stress from john Ashcroft, and the weather prognosis is the best this week. But flunk day was probably planned long before weather reports came out.

Roger Taylor canceled a meeting with a student for "no reason." When she asked to reschedule to Thursday, he said, "I don't think that's a good idea."

A student was observed on the bench in the mailroom stuffing flyers that said "It's Flunk Day 2008!" on them into a manila envelope. I couldn't see a date, but what are the odds they do that way in advance?

Meryl Leventen, Alex Clark, and Jenn Snider were seen at Walmart between 11:30 PM - 12:00 AM. They were not buying anything. Rumor has it that they were checking up on orders for Wednesday. How this rumor started, nobody knows.

A cashier at Hy-Vee on Main St. told a Knox student that there was a large food order scheduled to be shipped out at an unknown date within April. When further questioned, he said to ask a Becca, a "red-haired girl who lives in Town House-B and frequents Beta", because she knows the exact date of this food order. However, there is no girl named Becca in Town House-B.

Thursday, Apr 24

Nick Kalmus thinks so. I heard they have a special order of a large quantity of food coming in Wednesday night.

Rumor also has it that a professor was warned off of having a field trip on thursday.

Also, Lucky Boys Confusion is coming on thursday. A band on a thursday is a bit weird, right? (Actually coming Thursday May 1st)

Although, The TRIO achievement program spring banquet is Thursday, Apr 24 evening. TRIO is part of the student development staff and on flunk day, the TRIO staff works the water station, tell people with booze to get rid of it, etc. I would imagine TRIO has booked this date and requested flunk day not to be Thurs Apr 21.

Friday, Apr 25

Well, it's never been on a friday yet...

Monday, Apr 28

Xavier Romano's coy little wink in the official Flunk Day e-mail indicated that we may be on the verge of experiencing a Monday Flunk Day (because we know a Friday Flunk Day could very well send half of campus to the ER), but it's unlikely to be the 28th. An acrobatic and aerial dance company (AMEBA) will be on campus all week, and an historian is giving a lecture to the public on Tuesday, Apr 29th. The weather forecast is also terrible, with a chance of rain all day and temperatures dropping down to 0 degrees.

Wednesday, May 6

Some people are banking on this to be the day, if the weather is nice enough. However, this day has the Carlin Career Development Luncheon scheduled, so sadly its a no go. Hopefully it won't be the week of April 28-May2, because it is supposed to be cold and rainy.

Wednesday, April 30th

Is a legitimate Flunk Day possibility (the only one of the week).

No way, the art field trip is that day. Too many students are going, the charter busses have been ordered, as well as the food. Also, the art department is cooler than the environmental studies department, so don't use last year's slip-up as an argument against this. FLUNK DAY IS NOT THIS WEDNESDAY!

Thursday, May 1st

Flunk Day is totally May 1st. (Unless it is raining, in which case I stand by the fact that it was supposed to be May 1st). This is a popular misconception that rain will move the date - it won't! Ask any professor that's been here for awhile, there have been plenty of rainy Flunk Days! Xavier sent e-mails to certain seniors inviting them to the "1st Annual Leadership Recognition Convention" held at Fun City. He advised these seniors to wear something comfortable, and to bring their ID's, since there will be a cash bar. It can be assumed that these are the friars, and they will be returning on campus Thursday morning to get us all up and drinking. Also, Lucky Boy's Confusion is on Thursday. DUH.

Has anyone actually seen the email mentioned above? If so, why isn't it posted here?

But! Caxton club is having a bigwig speaker that day, Sheryl St. Germain. Purchase orders were made and sent. But if they didn't do it before the Feb. 20 deadline, tough luck.

Perhaps this bigwig knows what's up because this morning the C-store got their big shipment, which ALWAYS comes on Thursdays!! Always. I unloaded this Thursday shipment last term, so I'm sure about this. Coincidence? No.

I was waiting near Xavier's office this afternoon (wednesday), and a lady from the business office hurriedly went in with what looked like some receipts, closed the door, and didn't come out for 5 minutes.

Roger is gone tomorrow.

The EMT kids know when flunk day is, since they might have to serve in the ambulance. Class tomorrow was mysteriously canceled.

Try taking a walk out now (12:30AM). There are guys emptying the garbage, and theres some people in the mail room (although the door is locked). Seymour loading dock is pretty active for a weeknight, and something smells funny.

There's nobody in the mailroom, but apparently the golf tournament was canceled.

The golf coach sat the team down and told them that they would be missing flunk day for the competition and to get over it.

Caxton club was canceled.

The seniors at the supposed leadership conference at fun city in Burlington IA just now (12:34AM) went out to a club. Since it takes an hour to get back here...UM clearly...

It would take way too many resources to fake a scare like this. On the other hand, if tomorrow isn't Flunk Day... damn. The Seniors are going balls-out.

THE SITUATION ROOM: In an effort to substantiate all of the rumors flying around about flunk day, some people here in the TKS room are fact-checking to see what we know. Thus far, this is what we have on good authority.

• Seniors gone: 100% certainty. As of 12:40, these seniors are still at a club for a leadership conference.
• Cancellations:

    Caxton club (50% certainty) - two sources confirm that the speaker isn't going to talk tomorrow, due to failure to schedule the purchasing order and rescheduling to Friday. 
    Golf tournament (80%) - Three independent sources have confirmed to us that the golf tournament is canceled.
    Environmental panel (80%) - The "only student on the panel" informed us that it was canceled.

• Roger: Nobody knows whether Roger is gone or not (0% certainty)
• Mailroom: (70%) There's been activity in the locked area surrounding the mailroom, but no activity spotted within the actual mail room.
• EMT kids: (25%) Some EMT kids have confirmed their instructor's knowledge of flunk day, but they themselves can't confirm anything.

I just got back from Taco Bell (Fourth meal baby..) The cashier guy said "Happy Flunk Day" (whatever that means). Also, I hear that some sort of prep is going on in the CAF. Dim lights are on and there are people inside doing something apparently.

Big environmental studies panel just got canceled. (100% certainty) 12:55am

CONTINUING COVERAGE OF FLUNK DAY (?) 2008

1:01am - Contact was lost with two seniors at the out-of-town conference.

Flunk Day 2008 will be Lord of the Rings themed.

1:08am - Contact lost with Caf activity investigator

1:09am - Someone just told us here in the office that some students are actually off on the golf tournament.

1:20am - Another senior was confirmed lost. She was supposed to call at 1:20 if her phone hadn't been confiscated.

1:22am - Reports of lights on in the cafeteria were confirmed. The lights were observed in the dishroom and in the back preproom. However, the lights were dim.

        FURTHER investigation of the dining services area - Someone reported seeing Pinky in the Gizmo, not too long ago.

1:23am - The mailroom is still dark. But people have been into the outside room as a trap was set and discovered to have been triggered.

1:26am - The construction equipment in front of old main is reported to have been moved aside.

1:35am - Senior mystery verified again--another missing senior is called, and her phone goes straight to voicemail.

1:41am - Small gatherings of seniors were observed in the tennis courts. Also from the same source, although the fieldhouse is LOCKED, the lights are on and there are people inside.

1:46 am - TKS officially projects Thursday, May 1 to be Flunk Day 2008. Event is marked by a flashing banner on the <a href="http://theknoxstudent.com">TKS website</a>.

1:56 am - Investigation of the fieldhouse reveals that nobody is inside.

2:03 am - An interview with "Sam" at the Quickie confirms that a large quantity of alcohol was sold about an hour ago.

2:11 am - We're sending out an expedition to look for more indications.

2:32 am - The Quads have become mysteriously quiet, and its inhabitants are reported to be gathering a multitude of water projectiles.

2:48 am - The previous investigative expedition revealed no unusual activity. Given the circumstances, we advise everyone to get some sleep. Goodnight and good luck.

2:52 am - Elaine Wilson reports a large number of trailers / uhauls in the parking lot of a hotel on henderson.

3:12 am - A Security Guard spotted walking through interior gizmo doors, saying hi to the fine young gentleman buying a Twix candy bar at the vending machines, then proceeding to walk down the stairs to the union board office.

4:29 am - I went to check on said union board office situation, and all I found was a security guard watching tv in wallace lounge. that sucked. Also, nothing in the mail boxes yet and no signs of anything being set-up. Freakishly quiet. I AM VERY DISCOURAGED.

4:48 am - A man matching the physical description of none other than Santa Claus himself was seen approaching Seymour with a grocery bag full of bourbon.

5:00 am - Everyone who was was not invited to the "Leadership" day (some people who where invited were not leaders! Seriously)met in Tompkins.

5:16 am - Pam just left the campus life office with an armful of flunk day shirts... i am no longer discouraged.

5:30 am - A large group of students (some first years) ran a Flunk Day Scare, but they in fact knew it was flunk day. When the real friars did not show up the group was confused.

5:40 am - Mud pit was made

5:40 am - Students begin to cry because they have yet to get the email.

5:57 am - The email is here!!!!!!!!

6:30 am - Actual Friars show up - no one is interested.

"Happy Flunk Day to you.....Happy Flunk Day to you....Happy Flunk Day to you---oooooo...Happy Flunk Day to you!!!

'Tis the day! Have a wonderful Flunk Day 2008! Have fun and take care.

Xavier"

Xavier Romano's Coy Little Wink

XR's wink may just be a red herring, intended to make freshmen susceptible to all sorts of ludicrous Flunk Day scares. Possibly this is a genius move of strategery. The first-years could experience so many convincing scares that by the time Flunk Day actually happens, they won't believe it, and don't start drinking until the sun rises, reducing the number of injuries caused by sleepy, drunken pratfalls in the dark.

In order to combat this heinous grievance against the inebriation of first-years, every Knox student should begin each day with a shot of liquor, just in case.

"It's Polish week"

Flunk Day has yet to happen during the week of the celebration of the Polish Constitution. Tomorrow is not Flunk Day. That is all.