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| − | Sam Jarvis is from the city of [[Galesburg]], also known as "The Armpit of America." He is rarely funny even though he likes to tell jokes that often lead to him giggling by himself in a puddle of his own urine as everyone else walks away shaking their heads. His entire being is inappropriate, and people often find themselves on their knees praying for the future and wellbeing of humanity as a whole, regardless of prior religious disposition, after meeting him. And that's saying a lot. He is an infamous drunk who is notorious for his drunken tirades and the aftermath that follows. In fact, the entire Neal 1 suite was charged nearly $150.00 each for things that Sam broke by punching, kicking, head-butting, etc., them while being blackout drunk, and then irresponsibly refusing to take responsibility for his damage. He is an embarrassing lightweight who can frequently be found passed out in random places with a half empty bottle of Boone's Farm Kiwi-Strawberry Wine Cooler, or as Sam often refers to it, "Cheerleader Piss." Before going out for a night of drinking, he can often be heard loudly proclaiming, "Alright, time to drink my bottle of piss! Hahahaha!" Ironically, he is an R. Kelly fanatic.
| + | Can kill you with his barehands. Or revive you if someone else tries. |
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| − | While he may not admit it, Sam Jarvis' penis is painfully small. He will deny this to the death and even threaten to show you (which he never will for the fear that his secret will be exposed), there is actual video evidence of him admitting this, ironically, while being blackout drunk. If you ask the right people, you can see it for yourself, but the scenario played out as follows:
| + | [[Category:Class of 2009]] |
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| − | (AV): Hey Sam, with your hands, show us how big your penis is.
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| − | Sam then proceeds to clap his hands together, leading one to believe that either,
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| − | A) Sam is slightly exaggerating the fact that his penis is in fact very small.
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| − | OR
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| − | B) Sam is coming out and admitting that he has no penis at all.
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| − | Everything stated here is scientifically and evidentially proven fact, and by no means should it be interpreted as retaliation for Sam defacing someone else's page.
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| − | [[Category:Students]] | |
| | [[Category:Fraternity Members]] | | [[Category:Fraternity Members]] |
| | [[Category:Galesburg Residents]] | | [[Category:Galesburg Residents]] |
| | + | [[Category: Sigma Chi]] |
Latest revision as of 20:02, 30 January 2012
Can kill you with his barehands. Or revive you if someone else tries.
