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| − | Table of contents:
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| − | Disclaimer
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| − | Introduction
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| − | Known location of Vats (Names and locations + map)
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| − | History
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| − | Flunk Day Prank of 1995
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| − | Student testimony
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| − | Lawsuits Post Vat introduction
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| − | 1971 where Holly Valentine fought the idea of unprocessed sugar leading to the 1972 legislation
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| − | Legislation (Theo)
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| − | List of things lost in vats
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| − | Vat-Based Recipes
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| − | Myths and urban legends
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| − | Bibliography
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| − | Disclaimer
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| − | The point of this article is not to incite controversy, but instead to educate and speak out about the issue that plagues the Knox community. This article, of course, is referring to the large open sugar vats found around campus. The list featured here is not exhaustive, and there are many more issues that the vats have caused than can fit in this article. We are aware that this article is likely to be silenced because of the stigma surrounding mentioning the vats. While most authorities will not admit their existence, we are here to say that they do exist. And that we see them and suffer at their sticky behest. We have done our best to compile a complete record of the Knox sugar vats. We are calling it ‘A Knox Student’s Guide to the Sugar Vats’.
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| − | Introduction
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| − | Wandering around campus, the steaming vats of sugar are hard to miss. They dot the open areas and the sidewalks alike, and they cause mayhem on a daily basis. First built in 1953, after an unusual grant from Carl Sandburg, the sugar vats have become an unspoken staple of the college. They vary in size and location, but it is estimated that around 38 sugar vats can be found on Knox’s campus. In this document we have given names and locations to 16. Any newly discovered vats can be added to this list. They vary in size from Vat #1 VT0283516 on W South Street that is large enough to fit a car, to Vat #8 VT0031305 in the Umbeck Science-Math Center basement under D wing that can fit a shoe and little else. (And it has fit many a shoe) The larger vats are kept heated over the winter months while the smaller ones often are left to crystalize. This in and of itself has caused many issues due to students thinking it would be funny to stay in one of the vats overnight. The vats have caused many injuries, deaths, expulsions, and even a few turf wars. They have polarized the students into organizations, and the school has faced many lawsuits over the vats.
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| − | History
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| − | Founding: (1952-1955)
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| − | The story of the vats started in 1952 when Carl Sandburg gave a grant of $79,000 (approximately $945,297.38 today) to Knox college. The catch? This sum of money could only be accepted if half of it was used to build vats of sugar around campus. Knox college at the time desperately needed extra funds, so only a year later the first vat, #5 VT0164403, was built in the top of the tower in Old Main, near the classic knox bell. At first, officials at the time tried to place the vats in discrete areas that were less likely to be seen on tours or by students traveling from class to class, but soon the number of vats increased and their existence became unavoidable. Vats continued to be built steadily and with increasing density for the next few years. The Carl Sandburg grant grew exponentially as his own wealth increased. By the time of his death in 1967, the grant had reached about 4 million dollars a year in today's money. But during this vat-building time, the school faced backlash.
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| − | Knox Students Against the Vats: (1960)
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| − | The organization KSAV, or Knox Students Against the Vats, was founded in 1960 by student protester Brian Scott. After being injured in a vat-related accident that cost Brian his left foot, he sued Knox College in 1959 in the landmark case of Scott v. Knox College. (See lawsuits for more). After that case fell through and nearly cost Brian his scholarship, he organized the student body to create KSAV. KSAV went on to create stacks of anti-vat propaganda as well as an essay on the subject that was published in The Knox Student. Although the organization was shut down shortly after, in 1963, the essay Brian Scott published, A New Danger Afoot: Steps Away from Sticky Tankards of Sugar, reached beyond Knox. Scott’s essay, nearly 11 years later, was read by pre-law student Holly Valentine which led her to sue the school in 1971 in the case of Valentine v. Knox College. During this lawsuit, Holly reintroduced KSAV as a student organization. KSAV remained a student organization until Valentine’s graduation in 1973. At this point, the organization fell into disrepair, and was quickly swept under the rug by Knox College.
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| − | Carl Sandburg’s Death (1967)
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| − | The Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust continued to be in effect even after Carl Sandburg’s death in 1967. It is worth noting that Carl Sandburg's wealth grew exponentially both due to his success as a writer and his unexplainable financial decisions post-mortem. During the last year of Carl Sandburg’s life he told his eldest daughter, Margaret Mary, to, once the opportunity arose, place all his wealth into Apple stock as well as several other well-placed investments such as Gamestop and Amazon (mistaking it for the rain forest) despite neither stocks nor any of these companies existing. Many historians theorize about these strange actions, and it is often used by pseudo scientists as proof of time travel, and the healing properties of sugar vats.
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| − | Knox (Vat) Information War (1973 onward)
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| − | Six years after Carl Sandburg's death, and the decline in support for Holly Valentine's revived KSAV, Knox started a smear campaign against anti-vat student protesters. This campaign involved the erasure of Brian Scott’s poignant essay, and destruction of any documentation regarding the construction or grants for the vats. This information war is very much still present, with many students fearing to speak out about the poor living conditions on campus. Any semblance of an anti vat organization or even anyone mentioning the vats on or off campus are shut down vehemently by the school. Even today, if our organization were to be less careful about how we spread our information Knox would silence us too. In 2016 Knox’s mascot came into question. After the previous mascot, a depiction of an indigenous American, was deemed in poor-taste. One mascot option posed was an anthropomorphic sugar vat wearing a ‘no’ symbol. But ‘Vatty’ the vat got shut down immediately. The designer of the mascot was expelled and the mascot was replaced with the much more tasteful Blaze the Fox.
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| − | Bovine Issues (1996)
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| − | In the Spring of 1996, a small, mixed group of medium to large-sized ungulates escaped a local farmer's containment. The police arrived on Knox’s campus in udder confusion after reports of bovine falling into the vats and causing a disturbance in the early morning hours. The police report states that they were found in and around Vat #12, in total 4 of Quinton Renalds’ ungulates had escaped after he left the gate to the field ajar. Only 3 were recovered in their entirety, while the fourth was unable to be entirely extracted from the sugary bottom, and only one (named Harriet) was left entirely intact.
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| − | Student Pranking Sprees (2003-2008)
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| − | As the number of vats on campus grew, so did the number of pranks led by Knox students. One of the most common acts of tomfoolery amongst students were the Vat Traps. The Traps had a brief stint in 1958, in which students would put a camouflage tarp over the vat to trick others into falling into them, usually targeting faculty especially (Vat #6 was a favorite). However, when Brian Scott fell into the vats, students put an end to the Traps in order to stand with Brian and KSAV against the school. The Traps remained dormant until 2003, until Hannah Morris found an old tarp in GDH basement and decided that an old tradition needed to come back. As it had been almost twenty years since the last vat-related death, the Vat Traps quickly caught on and became a favorite activity among students. While many stuck to the classic tarps at first, eventually the greater Knox community became aware of said tarps, and so trappers had to get creative. Students’ alcohol budgets started to go towards rope nets and snares in order to get people to fall in. Trappers continued to get smarter and smarter, and eventually stopped trapping innocent students and faculty, and started trapping each other, leading to the Vat Turf Wars.
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| − | Doloris and Student Vat Assistance Line Added (2009)
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| − | In 2009, following several requests from students, a helpline was created for students stuck in the vats or somehow affected by the vats. The assistant, Doloris, has become a notable personality in her own right, as she is commonly known to be generally unhelpful and impatient. The phone line that was added (773 816 6646) has its office located in the campus safety office. There have also been reports of Doloris saying “Wait I can’t hear you,” followed by her making a fake static sound with her mouth and then hanging up abruptly. Interestingly enough she is more likely to make a fake static sound around 11am-1pm, students suspect that this is when she takes lunch.
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| − | Vat Turf Wars (2008-2012)
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| − | As Trappers continued to get one another to fall into the vats, eventually they got tired of getting rid of others’ traps and decided to make permanent installments. Students began modifying the vats themselves, from as little as adding a slant to the vat rims in order to get others to slide in to making extra sticky sugar to keep their prey ensnared for longer. As these installations became more popular, trappers started to fight over control of the vats, modifying and re-modifying the vats to their own liking. Eventually, a significant number of trappers decided to team up and form The Vat Trapping Squad. VTS was devoted to causing as much chaos and vat droppage as possible, with no regard for the people they were hurting. Vat accidents began to skyrocket, and as more and more of the Knox community fell into the boiling sugar, KSAV decided to create the Vat Safety Special Forces to combat VTS. VSSF added guard rails, decreased the temperature to make the sugar less boiling, and did all they could to protect the community against VTS. Some of the most notable changes were the spikes added to the Old Main bell in Vat #5 (VTS), the birds from hell that chase victims into both Vat #7 and #8 (VTS), Vat #14 being the first ever vat to be safe to swim/party in (VSSF), and Vat #15 giving out free art supplies to Knox students who pass by (VSSF). The VSSF and VTS continued to go back and forth with control of the vats, until the Boiling Point occurred. The Boiling Point, a massive confrontation in 2012 between VTS and VSSF in which injuries occurred on both sides, including the death of VTS leader Adam Starley. With this, both sides realized that the fight was a waste of resources and good people, and decided to call a ceasefire, banning further modifications on the vats and the dissolution of both organizations for the foreseeable future.
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| − | Brief Internet Fame (2013)
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| − | While the vats have been known in some capacity to the general Knox population since their creation, they enjoyed a momentary instance of recognition in the larger digital world. On April 19th, 2013, an anonymous user (@VatTrutherKnox67) posted an image of Vat #5 VT0164403 on Instagram, with the caption, “Know the Truth. #VatsAreEverywhere #KnoxCollege”. While this post originally only attracted the attention of a few Knox students, a repost by a popular student at the time, Gina Wiśniewski, brought the image to statewide attention. It received over a thousand likes, and a variety of comments from accounts with no knowledge of vat history. Many of these comments were questions, and @VatTrutherKnox67 replied to all of them. More and more accounts continued to repost the image, and it seemed that a new era of vat awareness had begun. However, after only three days, the post was deleted without warning, and @VatTruther67 was banned. Many believe that this was due to threats from the school itself, with some speculating that widespread awareness would deter potential students.
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| − | While the photo itself was deleted quickly, a Knox sophomore managed to take a screenshot before its demise (shown below).
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| − | Today (2025)
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| − | The most recent branch of KSAV was founded in 2023. We are not at liberty to disclose any of the members, meeting places, or the means of its founding. But we do exist, and we will not be squashed by any pro vat rhetoric.
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| − | Major Lawsuits
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| − | -The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College(1953)
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| − | -Scott v. Knox College (1959)
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| − | -Valentine v. Knox College (1972)
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| − | -The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College (1984)
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| − | -Tanner v. The Department of Education (2006)
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| − | While many individuals have attempted to file suit against Knox College for the various damages the vats have been known to cause, the vast majority of said lawsuits are settled out of court, including the signature of extremely severe Non-Disclosure Agreements. There are rumors of a massive class action lawsuit made up of up to 30,000 former Knox students.
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| − | The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College (1953)
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| − | One of the many 1953 lawsuits that led to the brief closure of the vats were brought about by the deaths of both Rivka Blau and Elizabeth Clour. The families of both of the victims, along with Krain Jonson, who was severely injured when he fell into a vat during a particularly aggressive bout of ultimate frisbee, attempted to have the vats removed. They argued that the danger they posed to students, along with the extremely costly upkeep, offset whatever financial benefit they could provide the college. They unfortunately lost this suit, as until this point no one was aware of just how much funding the grant provided the school. It was however ruled that during the lengthy legal proceedings which lasted from 1954 to 1955, the vats should be closed. The resulting legislation was that as long as the vat was half closed and within 10 feet of adequate signage, the school was not responsible for any death or injury. (See legislation for more)
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| − | Scott V. Knox College (1959)
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| − | One of the cases that marked a turning point for this sordid tale was that of Brian Scott, who lost his foot to one of the smaller vats. The vat was exactly 50% sealed, and the sign, while within the required 10 feet, was a sheet of notebook paper face down on the ground near the vat. Any reasonable person would not view this as “adequate signage”, however the jury ruled that the college was clear of any wrongdoing, as they had in fact posted signage. The fact the wind had caused it to fall was counted as an “act of god”. Scott would go on to use his failed lawsuit as inspiration to found one of the most important groups discussed in this article, KSAV.
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| − | Valentine v. Knox College (1972)
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| − | One of the biggest and most important cases in this saga is that of pre-law student Holly Valentine. After reading Brian Scotts seminal essay, she was inspired to fight against the unsafe sugar being used in the vats. She successfully argued that the sugar previously used, while cheaper, boiled at far too high a temperature. This led to regulations, though dubiously enforced, that prevented the college from keeping the vats too hot. (see legislation for more)
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| − | The People of the State of Illinois v. Knox College (1984)
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| − | One of the biggest controversies around the vats came with the tragic death of Chini Ardi. She was walking to a harpsichord lesson when the ground opened up beneath her, causing her to fall into an underground sugar vat. Knox college had discovered a loophole in the grants language, which never specified that the vats had to be above ground. They believed that it was safer, since there was less risk of students falling into them. They also believed it to not be against the previously established “half covered” rule. Court transcripts of the trial show the defense using the following argument: “Um, the ground was sealing it, wasn't it? You don't step on a tupperware lid and expect it to hold. That totally counts. Why is a pothole randomly opening up suddenly my clients fault? Sorry she died or whatever but Jesus, everyone needs to chill out. Goddamnit I need a drink, I hate this fucking job” He was instantaneously fired and disbarred.
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| − | Tanner v. The Department of Education (2006)
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| − | While many people have attempted to sue Knox College for various reasons relating to the vats, however few got as far as James “Femur” Tanner, who sought to overturn his expulsion in 2006. He claimed the school had violated his first amendment rights, and that his vandalization of vat vats was an act of protest against the vats. He claimed the school “silenced him”, after during a drunken “vat crawl” he spraypainted the words “Michelle Morganson sux” on a vat. There is no existing record of a person by this name employed by, enrolled at, or associated with Knox College in any way during that decade. When pressed for why he did this, he merely repeated “Michelle Morganson sucks”. He was not affiliated with KSAV in any way, and had never expressed any opinions against the vats prior to the trial. In fact, two months beforehand, when interviewed by another student for an anthropology project, he said “i could care less”. Needless to say, the lawsuit failed.
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| − | Student testimony
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| − | The following is a transcript from an interview with a Knox student. The student's name has been removed for privacy and safety reasons.
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| − | M: Yeah. The vats are a real problem. The number of times I’ve fallen into one, and just had to pretend it didn’t happen? I mean it’s ridiculous at this point, but I can’t even tell anyone about it. You guys are the first time someone has actually talked about it with me. Even if I just mention them to my friends or to my classmates they look at me like I’m crazy, or they shush me. But having you guys here… it’s… it’s really great. (M turns away from the interviewer for a second) Sorry, I just, it’s nice to have an ear to talk to.
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| − | Interviewer: Can you share an experience you’ve had with the vats?
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| − | M: Of course. There are so many. I mean, just the other day, I was walking from alumni hall to GDH for my next class. I was walking with two of my friends. And all of a sudden I hit my shoe on this, like, practically invisible lip, and I fell forward. It felt like slow motion. And before I knew it… (M smacks their hands together.)
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| − | Interviewer: You were in the vat?
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| − | M: I was in the vat. And it sucked. Majorly. I couldn’t move. And I was practically face first in this thing. And after a second of shock, I realized I was sinking. And one of my friends was like ‘I’ll call the lady!’
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| − | Interviewer: The lady?
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| − | M: You know, Deloris? She is the one who’s number is at the bottom of the vats on that little sticker. She’s supposed to help people get out but never does her job. Like she literally has one job. And she can’t even do that well. Anyway, that day we realized that none of us had her number except me, and I was stuck. They kept telling me to pull out my phone but I was sinking and sinking and I couldn’t even see; my glasses had fallen off at some point. And I kept thinking ‘where are my glasses, can’t see, sugar in my eye’ I mean in my fucking eye. It was awful.
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| − | Interviewer: How did you get out?
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| − | M: I just ended up crawling out. Not much else to do. My friends tried to help pull me out but after a bit they had to go to class, and I was still stuck. I was like an hour late to my class, and I was so sticky. I walked into GDH super late, missing a shoe and a sock, covered in sugar leaving footprints on the floor.
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| − | Interviewer: That’s really tough. I’m sorry.
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| − | M: But that’s just what we have to live with, right? That’s just what it means to be a student at Knox.
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| − | Legislation
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| − | The existence of the large, open vats of sugar that find their abundance on Knox’s campus seem, at first, to be nothing more than a hazard to those living at Knox and the larger Galesburg community. While not entirely inaccurate, it would be inaccurate to say there is no reason for their existence and continued maintenance. Carl Sandburg and his legal team worked tirelessly to ensure their continued construction, as well as creating Carl Sandburg’s Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust, an organization that provides the generous grants to Knox. There has been significant legislation passed due to these lobbying efforts that have proved incredibly fruitful for Carl Sandburg’s bizarre fascination with the construction of large sugar vats. In addition, the Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust continues to be Knox’s primary source of revenue, and as such it is unlikely that the construction of these vats.
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| − | Lobbying Efforts:
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| − | While the initial construction of the vats was certainly marred with controversy, and subsequent vats have not been more popular among the public, they have become significantly less of a legal hazard for Knox College, Carl Sandburg, and his constituents. While you may have questions about the attempts of legal actions against Knox College, or the constructors of the vats of boiling sugar, the Legal section of this article goes over specific cases. The point of this section is to underline the legislation that has protected these people and institutions. As a point of fact the Carl Sandburg legal team has seen unprecedented success in developing legislation that protects all relevant parties. They have also been exceedingly successful in putting said legislation into practice.
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| − | The first piece of legislation was put into place in 1955, only two years after their development, in 1953 following a slew of lawsuits that caused their brief closure. They spent those two years creating the Vaccilitation Development Protection Act, a bill that protected the builders of the vats as well as the college on the grounds of research. Carl Sandburg lobbied the representative of the Galesburg area, C.W. Bishop, who was able to get the bill on the Congress floor in 1954. A year later it was added to a piece of legislation as a free rider which was sent through the other chamber of Congress and then passed by Dwight D. Eisenhower. The development of this bill was headed by Sandburg’s chief legal counsel, Phillip Robilson, who was able to employ his pre-existing relationship with Representative Bishop. This was the fifteenth article in the Lodge Bill. In Article 15. Sec 4 of the Lodge Bill, it is plainly stated “Accidental injury inflicted by or adjacent to tankards, or large containers, as long as the vat was at least half sealed at the time of the incident, and was adjacent to proper signage”. While this is not the entirety of the bill, and certain stipulations were not legally insignificant, for the purposes of this article understanding that the vats were deemed “not of unpreventable danger”. This is significant, as it allowed the vats to reopen in the coming year, and did not prevent liquid sugar from remaining a constant obstacle for students, faculty, and Galesburg residents alike. This also ignored the most overtly dangerous part of the vats, which was the temperature of the sugar which was the source of most of the severe injuries.
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| − | The second piece of legislation was put into place in 1972, following the Valentine v. Knox College case in 1971 which challenged the use of sugar in the vats. Following the events referenced earlier in the article (see the History section), and the lawsuit similarly referenced earlier, the sugar in the vats was called into question, along with the accessibility of the open vats. Though the lawsuit decidedly ruled against the idea that the vats may not be left ajar, they did successfully make a ruling against the use of the sugar within the vats, deeming it dangerous and reckless. This would start Phillip Robilson’s second bout of legislative work on the vats, this time employing the aid of Representative Leslie Arends, and Senator Charles Percy. The result of the legislation was the use of a special variety of unrefined sugar replacing the previous boiling sugars which boils at a lower temperature, allowing the possibility of keeping the vats at a distinctly lower temperature. The unfortunate reality of the situation, however, is that these vats are not always turned this low. At one point an anti-vat interest group tried to remove the setting that allows the vats to go into dangerous temperatures, but it was unsuccessful. It is to be duly noted that mere days later Carl Sandburg released his poem Killers which regards criticism of the vats, and clearly was an act of boasting of legal victory. The opening lines of the poem are as follows: “I AM put high over all others in the city today.”
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| − | (Phillip Robilson, Carl Sandburg Chief Legal Council)
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| − | Grants and the Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust:
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| − | The Grants
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| − | Specific Figures: (Credit due to Frank Harland, Carl Givangeilum, and Joseph Robertson)
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| − | 1952: $79,000 (~$945,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 1967: $850,000 (~$4,000,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 1984: $2,100,000 (~$7,000,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 1993: $3,900,000 (~$8,500,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 1999: $4,400,000 (~$8,300,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 2004: $5,250,000 (~$8,750,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 2007: $6,500,000 (~$10,000,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 2011: $6.400,000 (~$9,000,000 as of 2025)
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| − | 2015: $6,950,000 (~$9,250,000 as of 2025)
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| − | Because of Carl Sandburg's unprecedented post-mortem investment gains, and his prophetic ability to continue to add to his wealth even more than 50 years after his death, his grants have only increased. The Vaccilitation Accomplishments Trust has become one of the greatest contributors to Knox’s annual income, donating over $8-$10 million every year since the early 80s (accounting for inflation). The grant is given under the explicit stipulation that at least half of the money donated is contributed to maintaining, developing, and researching the sugar vats. Because of the nature of the grant, and the research it focuses on, many exact numbers of each respective year is hard to come by, however, a team of Knox statisticians were able to get consistent estimates for several sample years (all listed above). Because these grants contribute so greatly to the college, it is unlikely that the administration will be disposing of the vats anytime in the foreseeable future. Furthermore, the precise deals that have been signed by the college are also unknown, so there may be extenuating legal circumstances.
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| − | Myths
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| − | Myth: Abe Lincoln and the vats
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| − | While Lincoln predates the development of the sugar vats, it is commonly believed that he was found in the vats days before his debate This would be definitively an urban legend, however significant photographic evidence was found of Lincoln jumping and frolicking in the vats found in the Seymour Library Archives circa 2002. While nobody knows how this makes any sense, the existence of such photographs is confirmed, while not being released to the general public. The editing team on this article has and will continue to implore the Knox library staff to release these, but until further notice, they will remain unpictured here.
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| − | Myth: The Mega-Vat
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| − | Many students believe that there is a massive vat that is under construction beneath the surface of the Knox campus. While there are not many specificities available due to its clouded nature, it would be enough to engulf Knox’s campus, and a majority of the larger Galesburg community. These reports are largely unfounded, though there have been reports of underground construction many of these have been retroactively linked to the construction of the vat constructed under the Conger-Neal dorms.
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| − | Myth: The Old Pool has Been Converted Into a Vat
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| − | After being condemned due to supposed ‘structural issues’ many students theorize that this year’s vats provided by the Vaccilitation Accomplishment Trust are being built in the newly opened area. Other students believe that the pool wasn’t actually experiencing structural issues, and that the school used these false pretenses to shut the space down in order to make a single large vat.
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| − | Myth: The Birds and the Sugar
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| − | The birds in the basement of SMC are already living a tortured existence, held in the dark prison beneath the SMC classrooms, shrouded in darkness. But, to make matters worse, it is often rumored that after their short supply of food ran out and their numbers began to grow, they turned to the more calorie-efficient solution of feeding the birds the sugar from the vats. If true, this would prove incredibly concerning considering the hazardous material in the vats. There have been anonymous reports that the sugar has turned the birds into grotesque homunculi which are no longer able to fly due to their weight. There is no definitive evidence of this but there has been overwhelming anonymous testimonies that corroborate their respective stories.
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| − | Myth: Sugar-Dipped Black Squirrels
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| − | Some say that black squirrels, which are otherwise rare outside of our campus, got their distinctive black fur from falling into the sugar vats. A student in the 90’s claimed she saw a squirrel with a distinct golden fur pattern fall into a vat and come out with a pitch-black coat. Of course, the official science behind it talks about melanism and black fur being a more effective way at keeping warm in colder regions, but that seems like a cover-up.
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| − | Myth: The Vats are Not Real
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| − | False. i am in vat. I am stuck. I don’t think i can get out, and i don’t want to call Doloris. She’s so mean. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I write this in the hopes that someone will come help me plssss I’m in vat 11… or 20? Help D:
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| − | Flunk Day Prank of 1995
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| − | One of the most infamous events in sugar vat history is the flunk day prank of 1995. That year’s Flunk day happened unusually late (Wednesday, May 10th), and unbeknownst to faculty and staff, a senior named Jennifer Micheals added copious amounts of THC into vat #3. Micheals was a member of the Flunk Day planning committee that planned for students to swim in vat #3 in small groups. The first group entered the vat, which had been cooled to a relatively comfortable 105 degrees Fahrenheit, and had to be ushered out of the quad due to extreme intoxication only 3 minutes later. One student, freshman Jeremy Finkl, ran out of the vat coated in spiked sugar and fled the campus to Hope Cemetery. He returned hours later covered in leaves, sticks, and other foliage to the point that he was unrecognizable. He was then hunted by a pack of feral flunk day students who thought he was a beast of the woods. The vat spiker, Micheals, was subsequently found with 410 empty vials of THC. She was an otherwise model student, so she was let off with a stern talking-to from Dean Martin.
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| − | On this note, we do not condone the making of “Vat Cocktails” that many students like to partake in. This is possibly dangerous and could injure other students. Students who make these Cocktails are viable for expulsion.
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| − |
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| − | List of (Major) Things Lost to Vats
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| − | Most recent thing lost to the vats:
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| − | Cybertruck
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| − | Major things lost:
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| − | Foot
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| − | Many many pairs of glasses
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| − | At least 9 laptops (In recent years)
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| − | 2 hardcover chemistry textbooks valued at $162 each
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| − | A pair of Air Jordans
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| − | A cat named “Chulk” that may or may not have fallen in in the first week of fall term. (The body of the cat was recovered entirely encased and preserved in sugar; he is being held in SMC’s basement)
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| − | Whole backpacks
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| − | At one point 4 crows were found in a single vat
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| − | A hearing aid
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| − | Antique compass (It was broken but valued at $6,000)
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| − | Antique cumpiss (Which was also lost)
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| − | A final physics project (A successful perpetual motion machine that was never recreated.)
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| − | Railroad spikes (this majorly injured a student who fell in shortly after)
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| − | Various minifridges and televisions lost during move in day
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| − | Gerald Franklin lost nearly all his stuff falling into the vat on his first day of school (He quit soon after)
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| − |
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| − | Note: at least 6,276 key replacements can be traced back to key losses in the vats. (36 in 2025 so far)
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| − |
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| − | Automotive losses:
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| − | 3 Toyota Corollas (notably all lost independently from each other yet all in the span of one week)
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| − | 2 Tesla series X’s
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| − | School Golf Cart (driver not found)
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| − |
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| − | Classic Knox Vat-Based Recipes (Good for get togethers and parties)
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| − | All Recipes Created by Bellson Boyle:
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| − | -Vat Cake:
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| − | Brief Description: Essentially a lava cake, but made with caramelized sugar from the vats instead of melted chocolate.
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| − | Ingredients: ½ cup of butter, 3 eggs, 1 ¼ cups pure vat sugar, 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour, 1 pinch salt, 4 teaspoons unsweetened cocoa powder.
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| − | Directions:
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| − | 1.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
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| − | 2.) Place 1 cup of vat sugar and butter in the top of a double boiler over simmering water. Stir frequently until vat sugar and butter fully mix together.
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| − | 3.) Combine eggs and ¼ cup of vat sugar in a large bowl; use an electric mixer to beat until tan and thick. Mix in the melted vat sugar, flour, cocoa powder, and a pinch of salt until combined. Pour batter into four properly greased and floured 6-ounce ramekins. Place on a baking tray.
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| − | 4.) Bake in the preheated oven until the sides are set but the middle is still jiggly, 10-13 minutes. Let cool for 5 minutes before serving, and enjoy!
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| − | -Vat Lime Pie:
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| − | Brief Description: Essentially a key lime pie, but made with vat sugar.
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| − | Ingredients: 5 egg yolks (beaten), 1 (18 ounce) can unsweetened condensed milk, 1 cup pure vat sugar, ½ cup key lime juice, 1 (9 inch) prepared graham cracker crust.
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| − | Directions:
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| − | 1.) Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
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| − | 2.) In a saucepan over medium heat, combine unsweetened condensed milk and vat sugar. Bring mixture to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer, continuously stirring. Turn off heat, and let milk cool.
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| − | 3.) Combine milk, key lime juice, and egg yolks in a large bowl; mix well.
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| − | 4.) Pour mixture into unbaked graham cracker crust.
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| − | 5.) Bake in the preheated oven until filling is set, about 15 minutes.
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| − | Allow to cool completely before slicing, and enjoy!
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| − | -Sex in a Vat:
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| − | Brief Description: NOT freaky. This is a dessert. Instead of a layer of cream cheese, it has a layer of vat sugar.
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| − | Ingredients: 1 cup all-purpose flour, 1 ¼ cup pure vat sugar, ½ cup margarine, ½ cup confectioners’ vat sugar, 3 cups milk, 1 (5.9 ounce) package instant chocolate pudding mix, 1 (5 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix, 1 cup cold heavy whipping cream, 12 chocolate wafer cookies (crushed).
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| − | Directions:
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| − | 1.) Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.
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| − | 2.) Place flour and ¼ cup vat sugar into a medium bowl. Cut in margarine with a pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse crumbs. Press mixture into a 10x10-inch square baking dish.
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| − | 3.) Bake in the preheated oven until crust is lightly browned, about 25 minutes. Set aside crust to cool.
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| − | 4.) Melt 1 cup vat sugar and mix with confectioners’ vat sugar until fully combined. Spread mixture over cooled crust in an even layer. Let cool.
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| − | 5.) Pour milk into a large bowl. Beat in chocolate and vanilla pudding mixes with an electric mixer until mixture is smooth and thickened, about 2 minutes. Spread pudding over vat sugar layer.
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| − | 6.) Wipe the same large bowl clean, then pour in cream and whip with an electric mixer to soft peaks. Spread whipped cream gently over pudding layer; sprinkle with chocolate wafers. Refrigerate for at least 1 hour before serving, and enjoy!
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| − | -Vat Brûlée:
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| − | Brief Description: Covered with a layer of caramelized, hardened vat sugar.
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| − | Ingredients: 3 large egg yolks, ¼ cup pure vat sugar, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, 1 cup heavy cream, 2 tablespoons pure vat sugar, 1 tablespoon brown vat sugar.
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| − | Directions:
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| − | 1.) Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. Move an oven rack to the lowest position.
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| − | 2.) Whisk egg yolks, ¼ pure vat sugar, and vanilla together in a heatproof bowl until smooth. Bring cream just to a simmer in a saucepan over medium-low heat; gradually whisk hot cream into egg yolk mixture (a little at a time to prevent the mixture from scrambling), whisking continuously until combined.
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| − | 3.) Bring a couple of inches of water to a simmer in a saucepan over medium-low heat; set the bowl with cream mixture over the saucepan to form a double boiler. Cook, gently stirring with a wooden spoon, until cream mixture thickens enough to easily coat the back of the spoon.
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| − | 4.) Pour hot cream into a heat-proof baking dish or individual ramekins set on a rimmed baking sheet. Place in the preheated oven; bake until mixture sets but has a slight jiggle, about 20-30 minutes.
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| − | 5.) Chill in the refrigerator for 2 hours.
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| − | 6.) To make the topping: Preheat the oven’s broiler and set the oven rack about 6 inches from the heat source. Combine 2 tablespoons pure vat sugar and brown vat sugar in a small bowl; sprinkle evenly over cold vat brûlée.
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| − | 7.) Heat under the preheated boiler until vat sugar melts and browns, 2 to 3 minutes; return immediately to the refrigerator and chill until sugar is set, about 15 minutes, and enjoy!
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| − | -Vat Jungle Juice:
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| − | Brief Description: Put whatever the hell you want in a vat (as long as it’s a liquid), mix it around until it all forms one solid color, pour into a bucket, and enjoy!
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| − | *The long-term effects of vat sugar are unknown. Proceed with caution.
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| − |
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| − | Known locations
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| − |
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| − | Vat #1 VT0283516 Underneath South Street, near the intersection of South and West.
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| − | Vat #2 VT0434305 Next to the three flagpoles in front of Old Main
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| − | Vat #3 VT0213611 George Davis Hall basement
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| − | Vat #4 VT0227518 Underneath the Share Shop in Conger-Neal basement (No longer extant following its cave-in)
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| − | Vat #5 VT0164403 The Old Main belltower
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| − | Vat #6 VT0524915 The office of Dean Michael Schneider in Old Main
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| − | Vat #7 VT0180504 Umbeck Science-Mathematics Center basement
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| − | Vat #8 VT0031305 Umbeck Science-Mathematics Center basement
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| − | Vat #9 VT0151826 Umbeck Science-Mathematics Center makers’ space
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| − | Vat #10 VT0261306 Atop Whiting Hall Apartments (No longer extant following Whiting’s closure and selling)
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| − | Vat #11 VT0123304 Atop the media stand at Turner Field
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| − | Vat #12 VT0252208 Queer and Ally House Backyard
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| − | Vat #13 VT0050505 Post Hall lobby
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| − | Vat #14 VT0795331 Auxiliary Gym
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| − | Vat #15 VT0231408 Maintenance garage at 413 S Prairie St
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| − | Vat #16 VT0030201 Whitcomb Arts Center outdoor display
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| − |
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| − | Bibliography
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| − | https://www.ebay.com/itm/186650509244
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| − | https://www.ocregister.com/2015/01/21/sugar-vat-becomes-a-pond-and-keeps-teaching-lessons/
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| − | https://www.indco.com/shop/product/issv-100/100-gallon-304-stainless-steel-portable-mixing-vat
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| − | https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/276304/vat-cake/
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| − | https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/12698/easy-vat-lime-pie-i/
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| − | https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/213588/sex-in-a-vat/
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| − | https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/218988/perfect-vat-brulee/
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| − | https://www.pli.edu/faculty/phillip-robinson-esq.-i1583259
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