Flunk Day 2012

Preparing Yourself for the Final Flunk

Any good Flunk Day celebration is well-prepared. Keep these tips in mind when you work yourself up watching for suspicious food trucks and random carnival rides!

1. Go buy your booze now. The worst thing that could happen is to be caught off guard with nothing to set your morning off right!

2. Check the Wiki Fire often. Post the conspicuous looking shit you see around campus/town and don't be a dick.

3. E-mail, bother, and/or harass the known Flunk Day planners/accomplices: Jil Gates, Deb Southern, Jack Moore, Regina Rosenbrock, Kaitlyn Duling. Watch Jack at all hours of the day. He is the Lord of the Flunk. See where he goes, write it down here!

4. Dig the damn mudpit already! <--as a former Conger/Neal resident, I can tell you it will take MUCH longer and be MUCH harder than you think! Have extra shovels hidden in your rooms, because anything left in the suite can be confiscated. Lookouts are a must, have them positioned by West street, on the other side of the Center for Intercultural Life, as well as someone in Neal or Conger 3 for better long-range visibility. Dig a little bit every night because it is seriously SO FUCKING HARD to dig a hole in the ground! <--- also, if campus safety happens to catch you digging, do not run into your building still wearing your muddy shoes because they will follow your muddy footprints and find you in the basement

Enlist the help of Sigma Chi. DO it.

5. Don't be fooled by lawn mowing or the quality of the weather. They mow the lawn nearly every other day in the Spring and there have been many not-so-sunny days of Flunk.

6. If you don't get all the Xavier and Raptor jokes, see the Flunk Day 2009 page[1].

7. Talk to new people. Share Flunk Day hints, clues, and stories. Sharing is caring, especially in the season of Flunk.

8. Believe everything you see, hear, and read in this wonderful and mysterious time of year. It's all true. We promise.

Is it Flunk Day yet?

We already told you not to bother with the lawn mowers, but what SHOULD you look for in finding clues? Here are some helpful clues!

Admissions Ask an admissions student worker to note days on the calendar where no visits are scheduled. These days are few and far between - and good hints.

Calendar Events For those who check the Events Calender daily (as all Flunk Day enthusiasts should) be sure to notice any changes that occur in the schedule from week to week. This is a tricky way to find clues, but the most committed investigators will double check other schools' sports schedules and compare them with ours, call to check dates and times, and watch for days with no events listed!

Note that the calendar is not bound by the honor code; some events may be made up. Additionally, even though a sports event may be scheduled, Flunk Days have occurred when the softball team has had a game, or the golf team has had a tournament.

Helmut and the Cafeteria Staff Watch for him heading into or out of work at odd hours - that has set off the Flunk Day alarm in the past!

Ask student employees about surprise food shipments.

And if you happen to be sharing a doobie with a dining services staff member, don't be afraid to take advantage of the situation and just ask. "So, uh, do you know when it is?"

Mailroom

If you see lights on in the Mailroom at an unreasonable hour, it could be the big day. Find a friend who works in the Mailroom and have them keep an eye out for suspicious deliveries or pick-ups!

Parking Lots, Community Sightings

Get out and procrastinate on all your work by driving around for a few hours a night and check out the local scenery. Notice any large trailer trucks, or carnival rides parked in the WalMart parking lot? Post them here. Pics or GTFO.

Flunk Day Planners

They're stone walls. If you are best friends, roommates, or just sleeping with one of them, ask questions. Pay attention to body language. Bug the shit out of them. Bring the results to your friends at the WikiFire. Known Planners: Jack Moore-tallest man on campus. senior. Regina Rosenbrock: blonde Kappa. junior. Kaitlyn Duling: Hot. Dark hair. junior.

Plus one secret one!!!! Probably a senior, doesn't need to be on Union Board. <--How do we know there's a secret one if it's secret?

Rumors and Scares

We can just come right out and say that last year the underclassmen were assholes. Sorry, but we are NOT sorry, and if you live in Post or the Quads (or the vicinity) you will be woken up for a scare or two. Don't whine about it, we've all been scared once or twice, too. Wake up, question whether today is that magical day, do a shot or two, and go back to bed if it isn't.

Believe everything. Live every day like it's Flunk Day.

NOW GET TO HINT HUNTING YOU MOTHER FLUNKERS!!

Pre-Flunk Hunt 2012

Xavier was spotted at several different points this summer by several different anonymous sources. Hopping off a boxcar with several drifters, each holding one of his four-footer (or so) bongs, he was said to have torn his shirt off each time while roaring, "FLUUUUUUUNK!"

Xavier is clearly behind all this unseasonably warm weather we've been having. Flunk Day will be earlier than ever this year as a result!!!

The weeks of April 23-27 and April 30- May 4 are the weeks of pre-enrollment but this does not necessarily mean that flunk day will not be in those two weeks. These weeks are the most common weeks for flunk day historically.

So, the theme of Flunk Day is The Final Flunk, right. Because the end of the world is supposed to happen in this year of 2012. Wouldn't it be just so clever, then, if this year marked the end of Flunk Day as well? As in, no Flunk Day? As in, the rumors that Flunk Day doesn't exist finally come true? THIS COULD BE HUGE. Also, everyone knows Teresa Amott DOESN'T LIKE FLUNK DAY!

At 2:24 on March 28, J-Pow predicted Flunk Day would be May 9. That's economics. <-- Furthermore, the Art Dept. is having their once-a-term field trip to the Art Institute of Chicago. So many students will already be excused from classes. Would this not be perfect timing?

Cody Dailey is currently finalizing his Flunk Day prediction. This could be HUGE.

Where is the "official email" for Flunk season? --An email regarding "policies and rules" was sent out on April 18 last year.

At 11:53 on April 4, the official Flunk Day email is sent out. Obviously Flunk Day is TOMORROW! --> It was a particularly classy Flunk Day e-mail and included pictures and bullet points. Maybe they think if they illustrate Flunk Day they can convince us it already happened?

                     -----> early flunk day email + summer in march = EARLIEST FLUNK DAY IN HISTORY. 

READ THIS: Admitted Student Days are April 13 and April 20. Flunk day fucks up campus and thus will not happen before all of the precious prospies come to visit.

Any clue who the planners are this year? <--- Jack Moore, Regina Rosenbrock, Kaitlyn Duling, and a SUPER SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNER! FIND OUT WHO IT IS!!!! <--Totally and completely false

April 5th

Flunk day shirts are here. Union Board is selling them AFTER Flunk Day because Flunk Day is tomorrow!

Jack Moore seen being really tall <---THIS COULD BE HUGE! <---Rumor: Jack Moore is "huge." <---MMhmm. CONFIRMED.

Debbie Southern heard chatting with Jil Gates before Flunk Day email was sent out about how it would "catch them off guard."

Spotted: JPow walking across the gizmo patio saying how he's "ready for flunk day".

It isn't even April 5th yet guys... <---FLUNK DAY HAS NO BOUNDARIES, rookie mistake. Wait, so you can see into the future?

Today is Wednesday, but it's almost over, which means it's almost Thursday. Therefore, it's almost Friday. So Flunk Day will be tomorrow.

looks like he's taking a break from hunting vampires... ABE IS IN THE HOUSE!!! <--- This could be HUGE!! can someone confirm?! <---I have visual confirmation!! <--- Pics or it didn't happen.

April 6th

Students saw a clown in a car, driving through Illinois. Obviously, Flunk Day is tomorrow.

April 8th

11:54pm seniors are seen leaving Hamblin, exclaiming "we need to get our stash PRONTO!"

April 9th

Two people seen digging in the mud pitt!!! Somebody please confirm this!!! <---CONFIRMED. Ladies and gents, start your flunk engines. VROOM VROOM

April 10th

There's a baseball game on the schedule for 6:30 PM. Our field doesn't have lights. Interesting.

The game is at Galesburg High School, they have lights CONFIRMED.

All this talk of people digging the mud pit is false. Get on that, quads.

Planners seen entering Old Main and exiting one hour later...Flunk?! <----you waited them out?

Just heard Regina and Kaitlyn planning a booze run- flunky flunk tomorrow, definitely. <--False. Junior planners can't drink on Flunk Day

7:56 PM -- Helmut was hanging around the caf a little late tonight...just spotted him leaving!

Rumors are running around that tomorrow could be the big day...could it be? A flunk day this early? Remember, the Safety e-mail hasn't gone out yet. But you'd better get your stashes ready...

COME ON CONGER/NEAL! GET GOING ON THAT MUDPIT!

Helmut is back on campus!!! The Mudpit has to happen! <-- 8:55 p.m. <---pics or it didn't happen

Obama tells the tale of the flunk >>> http://i.imgur.com/NFcyC.jpg

9:21p.m. observed Kathleen Drake and Jill Gates on the corner of West and South St. Both looked tired. one yelled, "See you in a few hours!" Get your Flunk On!!! <---They probably were leaving R.A. class is SMC.

9:38 p.m. overheard one of the library workers: "No, don't worry about it, we can do it tomorrow. Wait no...I'll do it on Thursday *laughs*"

9:49 PM: Regina Rosenbrock says tomorrow is Flunk Day, she's not doing her homework but instead kickin' it with her awesome suitemates.

9:53pm: there has already been an preliminary text from an unknown number sent to a selection of seniors that simply says "I hope you're FINALLY done with all of your homework...we wouldn't want you to FLUNK out of Knox during your last term!"

Rick Santorum dropped out of the race so he could make it to Flunk Day!

BREAKING NEWS: Maddie Davis, secret Flunk Day planner?! <-----Evidence?? From Galesburg, knows Knox well, works in the mailroom, lives with Rachel Hautzinger a UB member...NEED I SAY MORE?!

Any updates on the MUDPIT!? <---- the mud pit is dryer than a desert <-- Still no mudpit at 11:00pm

Carrie and Rachel spotted digging the mudpit with red solo cups in their hands! <---Can you confirm?? <---Carrie didn't even help with the mudpit last year and she lived in Neal. Tomorrow MUST be Flunk day <---False, she watched for campus safety and screamed obscenities out the window.

11:08 PM Maddie Davis is hammered right now <---- THIS COULD BE HUGE!<----- THIS COULD BE ANY DAY OF THE WEEK! <---God damnit.

11:11pm Kaitlyn Duling spotted leaving her house headed towards campus. Dressed too nice for it to be Flunk Day tomorrow. <-----Kaitlyn always dresses pretty nice, to be fair. <--- I was wearing a suit earlier tonight, does that mean no flunk tomorrow? I think NO CORRELATION! <-- Confirmed! She was wearing a dress but had a bag, perhaps with extra clothes. These planners will go to all lengths to trick everyone

11:15pm Papers covering the mail room windows means no evidence for Flunk Day Foolery <---pics? they haven't covered the windows in years past File:Mail Room 11pm.jpg

11:20pm: back from a Quickie run, and the guy at the counter said he predicts Flunk Day will be a Wednesday this year

April 11th

Proof:Media:FlunkDay2012isonApril11th.jpeg <-- CONFIRMED

Faculty meeting scheduled for April 11th was canceled! <-- CONFIRMED! NO MEETING!

Helmut seen talking to caf ladies suspiciously during lunch.. could he be scheming for flunk? <-- DINOSAUR CUP, I FILL YOU UP, LET'S HAVE A PARTY. TODAY IS FLUNK DAY.

Flunk day shirts have arrived. They're gray and will be on sale April 11th for $10 <--- JUST IN TIME FOR FLUNK DAY!

This is the second day of the Almost There Fair, which all graduating seniors must attend to get their cap and gown, etc. Thus Flunk Day would not be on this day because that would mess up graduation for a good number of students, who were planning to go buy their stuff on the 11th. No Flunk Day. <---Why not reschedule? An early Flunk is a good flunk. <--- When picking up my gown the guy next to Kathleen Drake complained about what a hassle it is that Knox can't commit to their original schedule and now he has to change his.... FLUNK DAY IS TODAY!

Underwear dance party in the quads tomorrow <---- CONFIRMED!

Did a ride-along for my journalism class today. The officer told me he was asked to come in early tomorrow, along with half of the early shift! there is no events in town. unless it's flunk day!

11:20 PM Saw people walking into the room, but when i got there mailroom doors were covered! Proof? Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhbN0GHsO54&feature=youtu.be

April 12th

Stephanie Meyer author of Twilight is supposed to be in town signing books. Flunkpocalypse coincidence? I think not!

April 13th

Could the flunkopalypse be coming on Friday the 13th?!?! Prospies are supposed to be here but it could just be the most bad ass open house of all time. They won't Flunk on a Friday

Student workers in admissions have reportedly still not received their work schedules for the open house today. Could admissions be in on the hoax?

April 19th

ZERO EVENTS ON THE CALENDAR: [2] <--- False: That is the performance of an Honors Project as well as the middle of Greek Week. <--- easiest Greek Week event ever!!!! It MUST be Flunk Day!!!<---It doesn't matter when Greek Week is, Flunk day has no limitations! Flunk Day is April 19th<---This could be HUGE!<---That's what she said.

20th is admitted student day -- Amott won't want a Flunked up campus for Friday.

April 25th

Zazen meditation is the only event on the calendar. Is it Flunk or is it foolery?

May 2nd

Flunk Day!

Guys, this was the date of Flunk Day last year. They wouldn't do it on the exact same day twice in a row... or would they? <----CONFIRMED they would!

May 8th

What are these fake showcases? Will they wait until Teresa is officially our President to bring the flunk? <---yes! there is too much planning that goes into events like the installation to flunk it up with Flunk Day.

May 8th is the perfect Flunk Day.

May 9th

Once again, only meditation..is it too late for flunk?

May 10th

Another "showcase" or flunk??