Flunk Day 2013

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Was 2012 The Final Flunk?

October 1, 2012 There was a large ring around the moon. No flunk day. <--- CONFIRMED. That shit was wack.

November 26, 2012 Xavier spotted with his 6-footer bong ("water-pipe" to undergraduates). Last year he was spotted hopping off a train car full of bums, holding his 6-footer, ripping his shirt off, and screaming "FLUUUUNK" so loud he shattered the Gizmo Patio and killed the lower branches on many trees, which explains both the replacement of the patio and the removal of a good amount of beloved foliage. This year, though Xavier is almost forgotten among the younger generations of Knox, he made a glorious comeback by returning today with former President Roger Taylor (also unknown among young Knoxians) in a stretch Cadillac limousine. Reports indicate the limousine "rolled up" to the Seymour loading dock where, bongs in hand and enveloped in smoke, Xavier and Roger emerged, tipped their purple leopard-print hats at Helmut, and simultaneously exclaimed, "FLUNK DIGGETY, MOTHA FLUNKAS," before entering the steam tunnels where they are to remain until the sacred Flunk Day rituals commence.<-----CONFIRMED!!!!

December 19, 2012 A few days before the end of the world, crows were spotted on campus NOT BEING OBNOXIOUS. Ladies and Gentlemen, the final flunk was definitely in 2012.

March 4, 2013 Roof falls off of Neal.

March 5, 2013 Flunk season is fast approaching. Ready your skepticism and flunk day stashes!

March 15, 2013 18-Wheel truck spotted on N Henderson. FLUNK DAY TOMORROW CONFIRMED!!!!

March 27, 2013 John Dooley says flunk day PROBABLY won't be on a friday. Could he be lying to us? <----John Dooley is a KNOWN LIAR <----Regardless, a friday is unlikely.

March 28, 2013 Official Tim Kasser Flunk Day prediction: April 26. The second mention of a Friday this Flunk Day season. This could be huge.

8:04 p.m.: Kaitlyn Duling spotted in Gizmo discussing secrets with Union Board members. Secrets of FLUNK????

March 29, 2013 Went to Master Stirfry. Got a fortune cookie and it said 'Behold! Andrei Papancea might be one of the flunk day planners'. ---> THIS COULD BE HUGE ----> Andrei Papancea went to Vegas for spring break. The Killers are from Vegas. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! ---> Fellow Union Board member Arnold Salgado went to Vegas with Andrei. IT WAS TOTALLY A SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNING SESSION. ---> Andrei's response to these accusations: "Muahahahaha." Smells fishy...

Flunk Theme 2013

The Flunk Day Theme of 2013 is SPACE. Fact: Flunk Day will be replaced by Flunk NIGHT.

April 1

At approximately 9:47 p.m, Jessica Howard was spotted in a groutfit while going into the Quickie. She may or may not had been struggling to stand up straight and trouble staying clothed. Is she possibly stocking up on booze for Flunk Day tomorrow? CONFIRMED THIS COULD BE HUGE!

April 3

All Union Board Events are scheduled for a Friday or Saturday. Smooth move giving us no clues from the UB schedule, Planners.

10:11 a.m.: TKS rumored to be making the Flunk Day issue tonight. Flunk Day is tomorrow.

April 8

First all-nighter of the term. Flunk Day swiftly approaches.

Flunk Day Friar Email sent out- this is the first time in my time here in these glorious lands that they have asked for sign-ups for Friars. Something is fishy.

The Flunk day planners seen together at the caf and immediately after at Post Lobby talking.

Freshman will have had their mandatory Flunk day suite meetings by Thursday of this week.

April 9

Saw Regina Rosenbruck on the west side of Galesburg walking alone by the sandwich shop on Main. Flunk Day is confirmed tomorrow. And its being catered cause caf food tastes like the inside of a pigs asshole.

The caf got large shipments of frozen cookies over the weekend, including seven extra boxes of the same flavor. Possibly preparing for Flunk?

April 22

Meatless Monday. Meatless Flunk Day? <--- False. Meatless Monday is a confirmed Earth month event.

April 26

Official Tim Kasser prediction.

April 29

The last two Flunk Days were on May 1 and 2. This week seems to be golden. But might it be earlier this year? Or later? <--- the school year goes later this year Flunk Day could be later. <--- Highly likely.

May 8

Liz Carlin-Metz, Professor and Smith V. Brand Endowed Chair in Theatre Arts, told her directing class that Flunk Day should be on May 8. And thus our queen has spoken, and so it shall be. <--- it's true the theatre professors wield more power than you might think <--- Not that much power. <--- no it's true it has to do with the scheduling of theatre plays and stuff. they're doing like a new play carnival they have to have the schedule so they can plan when the plays are gonna be. <--- Not confirmed. <--- no, it's true i talked to this girl who is in the New Play Carnival! <--- Liz is ruler of all and the godmother of empress Blue Ivy (as well as BFFs with her mother The Queen Bey so that they may bask in each others fabulosity and be drunk) and therefore holds all of the power. She also holds the unofficial title of the Petting Zoo Keeper at this New Plays Carnival.