Jon Wagner
Jon Wagner is the head of the AnSo department. When not sitting in his darkened office amidst human skulls and cultural relics from a world away, he teaches Human Origins and serves as the academic advisor to 90% of the AnSo Department since everyone left for the 2006-07 school year. J-Wag is basically regarded as the god of the AnSo Department which is funny because he is a pantheist.
He also has a really sweet Woody Guthrie poster in his hallway. His PhD was based on analyzing Star Trek wormholes in comparison to Aboriginal hallucinations.
He is also banjo ninja.
At the beginning and end of each school year Jon has the entire AnSo Department over to his secret bandito hideout. He and his wife cook amazing food, feed the AnSo kids, and then sit around playing musical instruments around a fire until it is time to sacrifice the sacrificial goat and drag a virgin over the fields to ensure a good harvest the following year.
If the zombie outbreak happens, go to Jon Wagner's house. He may not have guns but it dosn't matter since he has all sorts of stone age tools which would be more effective against zombies anyways.
His wife, Jan, is a beautiful Goddess. Where Jan walks, she leaves a trail of broken hearts. Jon Wagner=very lucky man.
Priceless Quotes
"Look at all of these round, plump bunnies."
"Due to my misspent youth, I just happened to know how to hotwire a Landrover."
(In reference to his human origins phylogeny) "I've tried to weasel my way out of the problem through foliage."
(In reference to Australopithecus aethiopicus fossil, "The Black Skull") "Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the robustest of them all? Why it's you, blackie."
"If you choke or giggle, and you're at a slumber party, and of course you're drinking milk..."
"This skull has the cranial capacity up into the range of small people at Knox."
