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The exact definition of a Zombie is disputed amongst analysts, but there are a few parameters that must be filled in order for something to be a politically correct Zombie. (1) They must eat human flesh. If the supposed zombie must be fueled by the blood of the living. (2) Living humans must be able to be infected "zombism" somehow, allowing them to turn. (3) No zombie can have serious intelligence outside of feeding. There are several major points that must be raised about disagreements and dissolutions to the definition of zombies: -Whether a zombie is necessarily devoid of a soul. There have been hints that some memory may remain after the turning. -Unlike vampires, and zombies are not "undead". They are reanimations of corpses, and must be killed before turning. Even when someone is merely bitten or scratched, death must occur before turning, or the zombie theory is void. -The "zombism" that is passed from person to person is a mystery, but we have some insights: In Night of the Living Dead, zombies simply awoke as they were postmortem. In Resident Evil, "zombism" was spread through the T-Virus. -28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later are NOT zombie movies, but they rule.

Zombies RULE! Oh, and eat flesh.

Zombie Contingency Plans[edit]

You should probably have one. Whatever you do do not let in the small child that is outside screaming. Zombies will sometimes wait until someone opens the door to a hideout and then swarm, killing not only the child but everyone hidden as well.

Hipster Contingency Plan[edit]

The studio of WVKC, on the fourth floor of GDH. The studio is one of the highest elevations on campus (as Night of the Living Dead taught us, basements are bad business) and is equipped with multiple locking doors and lots of heavy machinery. If all else fails, you can play LPs by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass and talk about what's really hot in the UK right now until the zombies get annoyed and go away. Beware, though: the lounge can only hold so many egos.

Four-Name Suite Contingency Plan[edit]

Originally designed for use in Simonds 2, this plan has the advantages of allowing continued access to running water, toilet facilities, and alcohol. Bedframes and other furniture may be wedged against doors to make them impossible to open. This is especially effective with the bathroom door. The suite door opens out; however, if properly locked, it is sufficiently heavy to prevent most zombie intrusion unless they have extraordinary coordination. Ideally, some ideal use of furniture would be conceived so as to free up a stairwell for escape to the third floor. In the event that the suite itself is breached, the door-wedge procedure may be repeated with individual rooms.

Seymour Contingency Plan[edit]

Designed for Seymour 3a and 3b, originally called the Central Campus plan, depends on a series of locks and checkpoints throughout the entire Seymour building. The Gizmo and basement would be shut off for good, but the four main entrances to Seymour in all directions would be manned by two to three armed guards. Supplies would be raided from the Caf, Walmart, Hyvee and the Quickie with designated raiding parties of 12 or more. Weapons would be acquired from the Walmart at first, then the National Guard would need to be contacted. If no one is left alive there, then raiding the armory and getting superior weapons would be second best. Seymour 2 would be a general residence hall, with 3 backing it up as a fall back position using soda machines to block the main hall entrance, and keeping the bookstore entrance locked at all times. Seymour 2 rooftop would be utilized for contacting aircraft in case of rescue.

Sigma Chi Contingency Plan[edit]

In order to fully prepare the Sigma Chi house for a zombie attack, reinforcements would be immediately made. The back deck/handicap ramp would be completely removed from the house in order to give those remaining alive a "higher ground" position over the zombies. The scraps from the deck will then be used to completely cover the North and South basement entry doors and any first floor windows. The lower roof on the East end of the house will be perfect for shooting zombies that are coming from the soccer field or the quad. The front porch will be reinforced with the many couches that fill up the inside of the Sigma Chi house. These couches will be used as barracades early in the fight and could possibly be turned into large fireballs when all other defenses have diminished. If the second floor becomes contaminated then all those who are left will be forced upstairs or left to be eaten; the stairs would then be barracaded with beds and even more couches. From there we decide if running or fighting to the death is the best decision. All of the food and weapon supplies will be "provided" by the local area department stores.

Sigma Nu Contingency Plan[edit]

In the event of a Zombie outbreak, the broken soda machine out back would be moved to secure the rear entrance. A barricade would be constructed on the front steps to hinder encroaching zombies. The basement windows, along with all 1st floor windows would be secured with plywood party signs nailed to the window frames and barricaded. All supplies in the basement and 1st floor would be relocated to the 2nd floor and attic where the survivors would hole up after knocking out the front and rear stairs. Rope ladders would be used to exit or enter the fortress and ferry supplies up. From Snu's well- fortified and defended position it would be able to maintain itself in the event of a zombie outbreak. A tin can phone line could be constructed and linked to Sigma Chi, providing communication between the two survivor holds. The Hookah Room would serve as an east-facing gunnery station considering its 290 degree view, while the bar would cover the fields between SMC and Knoxcrest.

Sigma Nu is well armed in blunt objects of zombie destruction (such as Dr. Laser), which would be useful in scavenging in post-apocalyptic Galesburg. Cannons and lasers would be constructed, and household explosives synthesized. Other such weapons would be forged from the remains of broken tools in the basement. The Sigma Nu's have at least a few centuries of FPS gaming under their collective belts, and should be relatively prepared for any large-scale zombie attack. Scavaging parties from Snu would also check in with the National Guard base located on the outskirts of Galesburg and hopefully gain permission to use military-grade weaponry. Zombie could be driven away using the house's giant speaker system- otherwise known as "Tiny"- by blasting them with hours of the Sigma Nus' eclectic music tastes, including several days' worth of dance music, anarcho-punk, and death metal.

It is a well know fact that Brother Sean McKittrick is immune to the zombie virus, and would crush their puny skulls like grapes. Eminent Commander Alex Kemmsies has placed Brother Alex Enyart in charge of defending and equipping Sigma Nu in the event of a zombie outbreak. Zombie Expert Rohel Terrazas would function as head of intelligence, and would spearhead any effective zombie-fighting tactics.

Naked House or Jazz House[edit]

Should zombies attack Naked House or Jazz House inhabitants of both should combine forces. Because Jazz House has roof accessibility it should be the base of operation in case of a need to evacuate.

Furrow Contingency Plan[edit]

Supposing that zombies are swarming all over campus, this plan would immediately go into effect. First, a large stash of marijuana would be gathered for the days ahead. Secondly, the C-Store would be taken for everything it had. Then we would board up the windows, push a couch in front of the door, grab our makeshift weapons, and get high.

Preferred Weapons[edit]

There is some level of debate about which weapons are ideal for fighting off zombies. Some options, such as explosives or incendiary devices, are highly effective, but are also dangerous to their users and are limited in supply. When there is some opportunity to plan, very effective booby traps might be constructed, but lead time between warning of a zombie attack and actual attack, especially considering the small size of Knox and Galesburg, may be too limited for adequate installment of these devices. Firearms, chainsaws, and other weapons also have their advantages, but rely on resources such as gunpowder or gasoline that would likely be limited in a major zombie attack, especially if one has fortified oneself into a redoubt. Furthermore, Residential Life and Campus Safety are not likely to look kindly upon a stockpile of explosives, firearms, chainsaws, and gasoline, no matter how impending the zombie invasion is (although during a zombie apocalypse they will likely have no control over the situation). Therefore, most hold that some durable and easily wielded type of melee weapon is ultimately necessary, at least as a backup weapon. In some cases, it may be the only option available. One should ideally amass a variety of weapons for use in all situations, including both long-range and melee combat.

Conceivably, a weapons stockpile should be large enough to wipe out, over the course of several days, the entire population of Galesburg (about 33,000 people), assuming the worst-case scenario of total zombie dominance and no outside assistance. Defensive weapons would be most important for most strategies, but offensive options should exist if one's fortifications fail or as a mop-up strategy after the major waves have been killed, but safety is still threatened by stragglers.


Although ammunition will be hard to find in a zombie infected land, firearms (when used correctly) are very effective against zombies. When choosing an ideal weapons system, most people choose foolish guns like M134 vulcan cannons or .50cal sniper rifles. These guns, while effective at what they do, are not effective in a zombie infected world.

Machine guns, or SAW guns: Not effective. These guns can not be switched to semi-auto, and will waste valuable ammunition on ineffective body shots. Range is far-medium

Assault rifles: While assault rifles offer the most bang for the buck, their ammunition will be harder to find. Also, when aiming for headshots, 5.56mm and 7.62mm rounds are a bit of an overkill. Range is far-medium-short.

Sub Machine guns: The most effective zombie killers. They are easy to suppress, which means there will be less zombies knocking on your door becuse they heard gun shots. They are small and easy to aim. 9mm and .45 Ammunition is easy to find, and spent brass can be reloaded with kits found in Walmart. SMG's can share the same ammunition that a sidearm (pistol) uses, so carrying two types of bullets would not be necessary. They offer the least recoil and are easy to strip and clean. Range is medium-short

Pistols: Just as effective as SMG's, but harder to aim and shoot. The stock and size of an SMG means that more of your body takes the recoil, but with a pistol most of the recoil is going to your arm, which will tire you out faster. The moving slide also means that aiming while using rapid double tapping will be more difficult. Still, it's better than nothing. Range is short.

Shotguns: The most common weapon to find, The power behind a shotgun blast is extreme, but is wasted on a zombie. Most conventional shotguns hold 6-8 shotgun shells, and the shells are much larger and heavier than conventional bullets. Shotguns are best as sawed-off backups for when your SMG and pistol run out of ammunition or jam. The most valuable tool a shotgun holds, however, is as a "Master Key". No lock can withstand the blast of a shotgun, and any door can be opened in a hurry with a blast and a kick. Range is medium-short, but the closer you are the higher chance of a kill.

.22 rifles: Very effective. Ammunition is very common. Harder to jam, easy to operate, and some .22's have the ability be fed by a 30rd magazine. Highly recommended for when an SMG and pistol fail.

Sniper or hunting rifles: These are a bad option when fighting in CQB, or Close Quarters Battles. These guns are best used for "dwindling the hoard" from the top of your fortified position. It's best for a marksman to focus on larger, stronger zombies than smaller weaker ones. The rifle scope can be taken off in an emergency, and can be used at closer ranges if needed. Range is very long-medium.

Gun tactics: Always use semi-auto. There is no reason why a zombie should take more than two bullets to down. When with others, always use crossing fields of fire (the ability for several to aim at one target), ambushes (trigger control to make zombies easier targets because they're closer) and most importantly, communication. Calling targets and knowing where zombies are are very important to situational awareness. If you have a choice, always get a gun using 9mm or .45 ammo. Two 9mm bullets take up the same room as a 5.56mm (m16) or 7.62mm (AK47) bullet. You can carry much more ammunition if you use a smaller caliber gun. Vests and LBV's (load bearing vests) will always be a good option. They allow the ability to carry lots of ammo and still be maneuverable. Reloading with them is easier. When reloading, DO NOT THROW MAGS on the floor. They can easily be reloaded when they're spent. If you're low in magazines but have plenty of bullets, using a "crossbow" reloading plan with a friend is optimal. Have your buddy reload mags while you carefully take shots with your gun. When your mag is depleted, switch with your friend and he will reload the mag as you shoot.

An unfortunate fact, but in the case of complete and utter zombie defeat a firearm is much easier to kill yourself with than a knife or hammer. Better to be dead than be one of those bastards!

Melee Weapons[edit]

When one thinks of effective melee weapons, they usually don't consider the actual effect a said weapon would have on a zombie. Assuming that a single blow to the brain would put a zombie down, it's very dangerous to use certain types of weapons when trying to break a skull. When considering a weapon, remember that cutting tools will be harder to break bone with. Don't throw your machettes and swords away yet! They are very valuable tools for body removal and secondary weapons. Dual wielding a blunt-hitting object with a cutting tool would be a most effective combination. The blunt object would be for the final blow to the head, and the cutting tool is used for immobilizing the zombie by cutting off legs or arms in several swings. Also up for consideration are the physics of an object entering the brain and skull. If it ends up being easy to cut into a skull with a cutting tool, consider the task of taking the took out of the brain. Imagine hitting a melon with a large knife or machete - when you try to pull the blade out, it doesn't come easily. With a hammer or blunt object, the brain and skull are pretty much destroyed, and there is no friction holding the object in place. The hammer will be covered in mush, but will come out easily.

Preferred blunt object (primary melee weapons) Hammers of any kind, Axe, Baseball bat (aluminum preferred over wood - easier to keep clean of zombie blood), Baton, etc.

Preferred cutting objects (secondary melee weapons) Machete, Small axe or hatchet (see camping section of store), sharp sword (harder to maintain and keep sharp)

Use of chainsaw[edit]

The use of a chainsaw has been under debate by zombie survivalists for years. Like most topics brought up by Hollywood, the use of a chainsaw might seem awesome, but in reality it's effectiveness is countered by danger. Depending on the reason for initial zombie outbreak (virus, magic, "hell is full", etc), it's generally a bad idea to make ANY contact with zombie flesh or blood. It could easily be infected, and getting any of it into any of your orifices could result in your infection. A chainsaw would send flesh and blood in every direction, including your own. Not only would the blood and flesh of a zombie be infected, but the flesh itself would most likely be rotted and half-decomposed. Getting rotten flesh all over you might not infect you, but it would be absolutely repulsive and make operating a chainsaw a difficult task. If a chainsaw is the only option, a gas mask or other HAZMAT options are required.

Creative Weaponry Suggestions[edit]

  • Although it may be frowned on, mixing gasoline and diet cola from the Quickie creates a powerful homemade napalm. Strapping glass containers of it to the engine of a car, and sending it into a crowd of zombies will eliminate any threat in one swoop that will not cost lives.
  • Fun fact: Lots of Chlorine + Acid/Soda/any liquid that is not a bagillion gallons of water = lighting sh** on fire. Good to know. - Leslie's Pool Service Employee