Flunk Day 2010
"It's coming to a Knox College near you in the fairly distant future."
Official projection for el Dia de Flunk 2010: Tuesday, May 4th, similarly the Official Sam Martone Flunk Day Projection is also Tuesday, May 4th.
Contents
March
-This just in: FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE BEING PICKED THROUGH A GAME OF ASSASSINS!!!
March 25
Sam Martone announces that he will act as a mercenary/spy for seniors who desire assistance during the Assassins game.
March 26
Tenured Professor of Economics, Jonathan Powers, asserted that Flunk Day IS tomorrow, Saturday, March 27th.
March 30
FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT BEING PICKED BY A GAME OF ASSASSINS BECAUSE KNOX COLLEGE NO LONGER ENJOYS FUN OR THINGS THAT ARE FUN. Are the Flunk Day Gods listening? Ginny Graves tells anonymous student that friars will now be picked through a large game of bingo. Hit your grandparents up for strategies people. It is on!
March 31
Many students are confused and lost now that their Master of Flunk has been dismissed. Now there will be no riding around in the Gator handing out condoms and being reprimanded by Roger again.
--> Simultaneously, the upperclassmen are throwing parties to celebrate the dismissal.
--> Simultaneously, the sophomores are confused as to why people are so mean.
--> Simultaneously, the first-years are confused as to what exactly Flunk Day is and who the Flunk Master is. They decide to start investing in the "Flunk Day stash" the upperclassmen were talking about, not sure if this really means alcohol, drugs, or party blowers. <---All of the above. This is important.
April
April 1
- 4AM
Students are emailed about being a part of Flunk Day and to remain secret.<--Friars? This could be huge!
- 8AM
Students are turned away from Campus Life only to realize they just got mega pranked!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!! and congratulations and fuck all those who orchestrated this prank!
April 5
- 2PM
In a stunning turn of events, the Flunk Day e-mail consists of Roger Taylor announcing his resignation. A new tradition is born.
- 10PM
Suspicious vehicles spotted in Dick Blick parking lot.
- 11PM
A bright flash of light is seen coming from the Northwest.
April 6
- 5 AM
Some people yell that it is Flunk Day. Unfortunately, they start out in Hamblin and the upperclassmen only grumble. We all go back to sleep.
April 7/Flunk Day Review
- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.
- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist. In one case a few years ago, the boy's baseball team was away at a game when Flunk Day occurred.
- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit. :)
- Don't believe any of the upperclassmen. Ever.
- Don't believe any of the faculty. Ever.
- Just because the caf is baking a lot of cookies does not mean Flunk Day is tomorrow.
- It is also not necessarily Flunk Day if the grass has just been mowed.
- Large trailers spotted at random businesses around town does not mean they are blow-up carnival rides.
- Flunk Day will not be on a Friday. Too many people would end up in the hospital from non-stop partying. OH YEAH!
- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.
- Everything they (the Flunk Day planners) say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.
- Here is also a map from last year's Flunk Day that we can update this year:
Notable sightings would include Helmut leaving the caf at odd hours of the morning, etc.
-This morning was a very large and well organized and very loud Flunk Day scare. They had sirens, pots and pans, and at least twenty participants, one of whom screamed, "YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE!" as he ran away. This was a very stupid scare for everyone except the Freshmen and Freshwomen considering a.) the safety e-mail hasn't been sent out yet b.) IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF APRIL, HARDLY.
-Flunk Day will be April 29th. The powers that be have spoken.
April 9th
WHY IT IS -On Friday, I overheard something in the Campus Life Office about "this being the big week". Jenn looked super busy and the Flunk Day planners were seen leaving the office carrying a box and a bag. Also, we Facebooked a few of the admissions visitors that were scheduled to come early this week and we think that at least one of them is a completely made up person. Flunk Day IS THIS WEEK!
WHY IT ISN'T -This week is a big week because the drafts of club budget requests are due and it's the housing lottery, so of course Campus Life is busy this week. Also, I believe Craig Southern would kill someone if housing lottery was messed up. Flunk Day is NOT THIS WEEK!
April 13th
-Flunk Day email sent out, Flunk Day is tomorrow! And if not, senior meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, so it will be a good night.
-Has anyone noticed that there are no significant campus events going on on Earth Day like there usually are? Flunk Day?? <--There actually are!
-START DIGGING THE MUD PIT
April 14th
3:56 am- The double doors in the hallway of Seymour are open suspiciously early. The light is on in the mail room. I don't know if that particular clue is actually indicative of anything, but I've heard it is.
-It definitely, definitely is! Lights are on in mailroom and dining services.
-Clearly, Today is Flunk Day, start drinkin'!
-It's a scare <--you're a scare. CAN'T STOP US!!!!!!!!!!
-Flunk Day is Definitely Tomorrow!
April 16
-This will not be Flunk Day. It also needs to be defined what a "scare" is. A scare is not shouting it's Flunk Day at night. A scare is a well ordered conspiracy where you mislead a large amount of the student body so that they believe it's Flunk Day.
1:42am: The people shouting in the quads need to do two things: learn to read, and then read the definition of a scare and the history of epic scares.
-Why are you so bitter? How about instead of complaining on the WikiFire, you get your ass out of bed and join the scare? You're so boring!
June
Clearly the administration will wait until senior week to hold Flunk Day, thus saving all of those budding alcoholic underclassmen from alcohol poisoning. <--LOVES IT!
