Knox Toilet Paper

It's called "Mor-Soft," but the only thing this stuff is "mor" soft than is a porcupine.

It's also often defective, breaking off every couple of squares, or with oddly shaped bits of extra toilet paper falling out of it as you take some off the roll. While one is taking a particularly long dump, it may be prudent to use these extra pieces in a way similar to an ink blot test, trying to figure out what one might see in the various strange shapes it provides. Some claim to have seen messages such as "Roger Taylor is cheap" or "Knox hates your nethers" in there, but these have not been confirmed.