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===April 16=== | ===April 16=== | ||
Revision as of 18:11, 25 April 2010
"It's coming to a Knox College near you in the fairly distant future."
Official projection for el Dia de Flunk 2010: Tuesday, May 4th, similarly the Official Sam Martone Flunk Day Projection is also Tuesday, May 4th.
Contents
March
-This just in: FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE BEING PICKED THROUGH A GAME OF ASSASSINS!!!
March 25
Sam Martone announces that he will act as a mercenary/spy for seniors who desire assistance during the Assassins game.
March 26
Tenured Professor of Economics, Jonathan Powers, asserted that Flunk Day IS tomorrow, Saturday, March 27th.
March 30
FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT BEING PICKED BY A GAME OF ASSASSINS BECAUSE KNOX COLLEGE NO LONGER ENJOYS FUN OR THINGS THAT ARE FUN. Are the Flunk Day Gods listening? Ginny Graves tells anonymous student that friars will now be picked through a large game of bingo. Hit your grandparents up for strategies people. It is on!
March 31
Many students are confused and lost now that their Master of Flunk has been dismissed. Now there will be no riding around in the Gator handing out condoms and being reprimanded by Roger again.
--> Simultaneously, the upperclassmen are throwing parties to celebrate the dismissal.
--> Simultaneously, the sophomores are confused as to why people are so mean.
--> Simultaneously, the first-years are confused as to what exactly Flunk Day is and who the Flunk Master is. They decide to start investing in the "Flunk Day stash" the upperclassmen were talking about, not sure if this really means alcohol, drugs, or party blowers. <---All of the above. This is important.
April
April 1
- 4AM
Students are emailed about being a part of Flunk Day and to remain secret.<--Friars? This could be huge!
- 8AM
Students are turned away from Campus Life only to realize they just got mega pranked!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!! and congratulations and fuck all those who orchestrated this prank!
April 5
- 2PM
In a stunning turn of events, the Flunk Day e-mail consists of Roger Taylor announcing his resignation. A new tradition is born.
- 10PM
Suspicious vehicles spotted in Dick Blick parking lot.
- 11PM
A bright flash of light is seen coming from the Northwest.
April 6
- 5 AM
Some people yell that it is Flunk Day. Unfortunately, they start out in Hamblin and the upperclassmen only grumble. We all go back to sleep.
April 7/Flunk Day Review
- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.
- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist. In one case a few years ago, the boy's baseball team was away at a game when Flunk Day occurred.
- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit. :)
- Don't believe any of the upperclassmen. Ever.
- Don't believe any of the faculty. Ever.
- Just because the caf is baking a lot of cookies does not mean Flunk Day is tomorrow.
- It is also not necessarily Flunk Day if the grass has just been mowed.
- Large trailers spotted at random businesses around town does not mean they are blow-up carnival rides.
- Flunk Day will not be on a Friday. Too many people would end up in the hospital from non-stop partying. OH YEAH!
- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.
- Everything they (the Flunk Day planners) say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.
- Here is also a map from last year's Flunk Day that we can update this year:
Notable sightings would include Helmut leaving the caf at odd hours of the morning, etc.
-This morning was a very large and well organized and very loud Flunk Day scare. They had sirens, pots and pans, and at least twenty participants, one of whom screamed, "YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE!" as he ran away. This was a very stupid scare for everyone except the Freshmen and Freshwomen considering a.) the safety e-mail hasn't been sent out yet b.) IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF APRIL, HARDLY.
-Flunk Day will be April 29th. The powers that be have spoken.
April 9th
WHY IT IS -On Friday, I overheard something in the Campus Life Office about "this being the big week". Jenn looked super busy and the Flunk Day planners were seen leaving the office carrying a box and a bag. Also, we Facebooked a few of the admissions visitors that were scheduled to come early this week and we think that at least one of them is a completely made up person. Flunk Day IS THIS WEEK!
WHY IT ISN'T -This week is a big week because the drafts of club budget requests are due and it's the housing lottery, so of course Campus Life is busy this week. Also, I believe Craig Southern would kill someone if housing lottery was messed up. Flunk Day is NOT THIS WEEK!
April 13th
-Flunk Day email sent out, Flunk Day is tomorrow! And if not, senior meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, so it will be a good night.
-Has anyone noticed that there are no significant campus events going on on Earth Day like there usually are? Flunk Day?? <--There actually are!
-START DIGGING THE MUD PIT
April 14th
3:56 am- The double doors in the hallway of Seymour are open suspiciously early. The light is on in the mail room. I don't know if that particular clue is actually indicative of anything, but I've heard it is.
-It definitely, definitely is! Lights are on in mailroom and dining services.
-Clearly, Today is Flunk Day, start drinkin'!
-It's a scare <--you're a scare. CAN'T STOP US!!!!!!!!!!
-Flunk Day is Definitely Tomorrow!
April 16
-This will not be Flunk Day. It also needs to be defined what a "scare" is. A scare is not shouting it's Flunk Day at night. A scare is a well ordered conspiracy where you mislead a large amount of the student body so that they believe it's Flunk Day.
1:42am: The people shouting in the quads need to do two things: learn to read, and then read the definition of a scare and the history of epic scares.
-Why are you so bitter? How about instead of complaining on the WikiFire, you get your ass out of bed and join the scare? You're so boring!
April 18
FLUNK DAY ANGER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAIN
FLUNK YOU!
Haven't you realized by now that Flunk Day doesn't exist?
April 19
-Was not Flunk Day, despite all of the solid evidence that follows. A group of rowdy gentlemen informed the quads of this at around 7:30 A.M. See more below: April 24/Rowdy Gentlemen Who Scream "It's not Flunk Day" @ 730 AM
-Why is this day being neglected? No one is suspecting, thus it is the perfect plan. Is Flunk Day today?
-Probably won't be Flunk Day today because of housing lottery? And what about Phoneathon? And they haven't even sent the second email (The Fact/Myth email) out yet!
-Silly underclassmen, the Fact/Myth email is not an every year thing. Once that first email happens...it's on. ALSO, Flunk Day was on housing lottery before...it is just another way of screwing with us.
-Flunk Day is not today there is a guest speaker planned tonight Doug McAdam, but I would expect a scare at least. Also coincidence, I think not, HyVee put up decorations in the store that are remarkably themed to match Flunk on the Beach. All I can say is the shark, fish, and whale balloons are epic and a clear sign Flunk Day is on our doorstep.
-Roger Taylor said they are looking at Flunk Day in a new light this year. A safer one. <--Well this is it, today was Flunk Day.
6:45pm: Golf cart seen roaming Knox's campus. Persons talking w/ Ginny and Britt (Flunk Day planners). Tomorrow is surely Flunk Day. Get your stashes ready!
9:48pm: Confirmed: all four Flunk Day Planners shopping at Wal-Mart right now!
10:25pm: Lights on in the Union Board office.
11:02pm: Talked to Xavier, and asked if it was Flunk Day and he said, "He would not be making any trips to Knox tomorrow."
11:05pm: Ten well known seniors' phones are turned off, including Ginny Graves.
11:10pm: LIES!
11:12pm: Environmental Studies candidate lunch and lecture CANCELLED!
11:30pm: Pam Schuller has been cited at Knox again! Flunk Day is definitely tomorrow !
11:47pm: Erica Jaffe and Michael Sales spotted near the Gizmo. <--Michael Sales is in Maine, nice try!
11:50pm: Alumni member of the President's Circle gets email saying that Flunk Day is tomorrow! <--This is legit, I've seen it! Unless it's an awesomely orchestrated prank! See President's Circular Email Prank Below.
12:22am: SEAN FORS IS MISSING. IT MUST BE FLUNK DAY.
-Has no one noticed the blatantly scheduled home baseball game for tomorrow?!?! <-- fake home game was scheduled on FD in 2006. <--ok, but golf is gone to MO as well; both of these teams have been screwed over in the Seniors' Knox lifetimes, would they really do that again!?! <--yes. <--well, the game is on the website (http://www.robertmorris.edu/athletics/mensbaseball/springfield/schedule/).
-...better get that mudpit ready. This could be HUGE!
-*sniff sniff* I smell a scare. This could be HUGE!
-THEY MOWED THE SOUTH LAWN TODAY...MUST BE FLUNK DAY!
-Posted on Ginny's Facebook wall: kathleen mary podlipni: very clever baker, but i am 75% sure tmrw is not flunk day molly anne: i don't think it is Flunk Day but I really really really hope it is not. I lack some necessary supplies. virginia baker: that's too bad. i guess you should have listened to jnef and i....
Ginny confirming Flunk Day = Not Flunk Day also she is by her computer or using her IPhone meaning she IS NOT PHONELESS or INTERNET-LESS and it's NOT FLUNK DAY!
President's Circular Email Prank
The following email was (mistakenly?) sent tonight to an undisclosed list, but apparently they are recent donors to Knox.
-Hmm... I think it's time for some foot soldiers. Deploy my minions!!! Also, groom the mud pit. <-- Better be safe than sorry. That mud pit is in sad shape.
-It's a Fraud: [This is] Shopped. Grey box around lettering. I'm going to sleep. <--- Oh give me a break, those are just JPEG compression artifacts, that kind of "analysis" doesn't fly with lossy formats.
-It's Authentic: Opposite of shopped - screenshots captured and reassembled in Paint, then saved as JPG -- that's where your gray letters come in. I'd be happy to forward the original along to anyone who wants to see it.
-Real or fake though, that mud pit needs dug Conger/Neal. You're supposed to be on that shit by now.
-Is this Roger Taylor's goodbye prank?
-It's a Fraud: Look, guys, it's not fucking Flunk Day. What it is, is an absentee Flunk Day scare. THIS IS A MASSIVE ALUMNI CONSPIRACY, undertaken by our gone (but not forgotten) friends from 2009 who want to relive their Flunk glory as an escape from their student loans and meager employment prospects. It's next week for sure.
-It's Authentic: Flunk day IS tomorrow. This email was sent to a '93 graduate (official). FLUNK DAY!!!<-------- No way!<---------WAY! THIS IS TRUE!
-It's a Fraud: Look at the signature tag of Roger's email. Definitely not the same as previous emails he has sent out. Mailbox number is incorrect, and he always puts Roger L. Taylor '63, which does not appear anywhere in the signature. It is a hoax. Tomorrow is not Flunk Day, though I still hope it would be! <--http://www.knox.edu/About-Knox/We-Are-Knox/Our-President/2009-Presidents-Report.html That's the way the Rog always signs his letters btw.
-Point of Clarification: Why does it say circular? I thought it was President's Circle. <---- *Taken from the Knox Website* Participants in the Finley Society will be recognized for their leadership gifts to Knox with special mention in the Honor Roll of Donors, an invitation to the President's Circle reception at Homecoming, and subscription to the *PRESIDENT'S CIRCULAR*, an e-newsletter for all members of the President's Circle.
April 21
12:51am - I'm bored.
1:16am - I have a paper due tomorrow.. I mean today.. I wish today is Flunk Day
5:30am - Lights on in the Wilson House and Dining Services. Is that normal?
June
Clearly the administration will wait until senior week to hold Flunk Day, thus saving all of those budding alcoholic underclassmen from alcohol poisoning. <--LOVES IT!
