Flunk Day 2010

"It's coming to a Knox College near you in the fairly distant future."

Official projection for el Dia de Flunk 2010: Tuesday, May 4th, similarly the Official Sam Martone Flunk Day Projection is also Tuesday, May 4th.

March

-This just in: FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE BEING PICKED THROUGH A GAME OF ASSASSINS!!!

March 25

Sam Martone announces that he will act as a mercenary/spy for seniors who desire assistance during the Assassins game.

March 26

Tenured Professor of Economics, Jonathan Powers, asserted that Flunk Day IS tomorrow, Saturday, March 27th.

March 30

FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT BEING PICKED BY A GAME OF ASSASSINS BECAUSE KNOX COLLEGE NO LONGER ENJOYS FUN OR THINGS THAT ARE FUN. Are the Flunk Day Gods listening? Ginny Graves tells anonymous student that friars will now be picked through a large game of bingo. Hit your grandparents up for strategies people. It is on!

March 31

Many students are confused and lost now that their Master of Flunk has been dismissed. Now there will be no riding around in the Gator handing out condoms and being reprimanded by Roger again.

--> Simultaneously, the upperclassmen are throwing parties to celebrate the dismissal.

--> Simultaneously, the sophomores are confused as to why people are so mean.

--> Simultaneously, the first-years are confused as to what exactly Flunk Day is and who the Flunk Master is. They decide to start investing in the "Flunk Day stash" the upperclassmen were talking about, not sure if this really means alcohol, drugs, or party blowers. <---All of the above. This is important.

April

April 1

• 4AM

Students are emailed about being a part of Flunk Day and to remain secret.<--Friars? This could be huge!

• 8AM

Students are turned away from Campus Life only to realize they just got mega pranked!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!! and congratulations and fuck all those who orchestrated this prank!

April 5

• 2PM

In a stunning turn of events, the Flunk Day e-mail consists of Roger Taylor announcing his resignation. A new tradition is born.

• 10PM

Suspicious vehicles spotted in Dick Blick parking lot.

• 11PM

A bright flash of light is seen coming from the Northwest.

April 6

• 5 AM

Some people yell that it is Flunk Day. Unfortunately, they start out in Hamblin and the upperclassmen only grumble. We all go back to sleep.

April 7/Flunk Day Review

- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.

- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist. In one case a few years ago, the boy's baseball team was away at a game when Flunk Day occurred.

- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit. :)

- Don't believe any of the upperclassmen. Ever.

- Don't believe any of the faculty. Ever.

- Just because the caf is baking a lot of cookies does not mean Flunk Day is tomorrow.

- It is also not necessarily Flunk Day if the grass has just been mowed.

- Large trailers spotted at random businesses around town does not mean they are blow-up carnival rides.

- Flunk Day will not be on a Friday. Too many people would end up in the hospital from non-stop partying. OH YEAH!

- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.

- Everything they (the Flunk Day planners) say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.

- Here is also a map from last year's Flunk Day that we can update this year:

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF8&hl=en&msa=0&ll=40.944266,-90.371604&spn=0.011556,0.019312&t=h&z=16&msid=104372344600731454677.000468cb51e605ff87df2

Notable sightings would include Helmut leaving the caf at odd hours of the morning, etc.

-This morning was a very large and well organized and very loud Flunk Day scare. They had sirens, pots and pans, and at least twenty participants, one of whom screamed, "YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE!" as he ran away. This was a very stupid scare for everyone except the Freshmen and Freshwomen considering a.) the safety e-mail hasn't been sent out yet b.) IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF APRIL, HARDLY.

-Flunk Day will be April 29th. The powers that be have spoken.

April 9th

WHY IT IS -On Friday, I overheard something in the Campus Life Office about "this being the big week". Jenn looked super busy and the Flunk Day planners were seen leaving the office carrying a box and a bag. Also, we Facebooked a few of the admissions visitors that were scheduled to come early this week and we think that at least one of them is a completely made up person. Flunk Day IS THIS WEEK!

WHY IT ISN'T -This week is a big week because the drafts of club budget requests are due and it's the housing lottery, so of course Campus Life is busy this week. Also, I believe Craig Southern would kill someone if housing lottery was messed up. Flunk Day is NOT THIS WEEK!

April 13th

-Flunk Day email sent out, Flunk Day is tomorrow! And if not, senior meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, so it will be a good night.

-Has anyone noticed that there are no significant campus events going on on Earth Day like there usually are? Flunk Day?? <--There actually are!

-START DIGGING THE MUD PIT

April 14th

3:56 am- The double doors in the hallway of Seymour are open suspiciously early. The light is on in the mail room. I don't know if that particular clue is actually indicative of anything, but I've heard it is.

-It definitely, definitely is! Lights are on in mailroom and dining services.

-Clearly, Today is Flunk Day, start drinkin'!

-It's a scare <--you're a scare. CAN'T STOP US!!!!!!!!!!

-Flunk Day is Definitely Tomorrow!

April 15th

-Although people are suggesting things to the contrary: Flunk Day will NOT be Thursday, April 15th. This is the day of the Joe W. Morgan lecture, which is a HUGE deal and they have an editor from Rolling Stone coming, who has spoken on the phone with individual students and talked about her visit and what she's going to talk about while here. Plus they made reservations for her for dinner.

-In response to the post above...Flunk Day can be placed on the same day as a huge event if it was not scheduled WAY in advance. It has happened before. Look back, Flunk Day almost always is placed during SOMETHING on campus. I still would not rule Wednesday or Thursday out.

12:04am: Group of Conger/Neal residents begin digging of mud pit.

-Also...shipping the seniors off to Buffalo Wild Wings seems innocent enough...or does it? Hmm, maybe a clever way to round up friars?

-They just decided how they're going to PICK friars. Flunk Day is in May.

-Poor naive little Underclassmen. Aside from the fact that Flunk Day is Tomorrow, there is no supporting evidence for anything yet. You need to get better at this.

-Also Conger/Neal, don't fuck it up. And whatever you do, don't use the tiller that SNU has...

2:05am: Xavier Romano seen at Beta incident with 7 cop cars, 2 firetrucks and his Flunk Day hat in hand. Continue digging the mud pit!

2:37am: Xavier being seen on campus is not true. I am one of the select few who has direct access to "The Raptor!" Alas, no Raptors at KC for el dia de Flunk forever :(

-The "mud pit" looks like a giant Cheerio made of shit. The middle section of hardened dirt and topsoil needs to be broken up and moved out of the way. An easy way to do this is by using a tiller. It looks like you went at it with a trowel. Your first attempt = Failed.

-Flunk Day TKS is printed (Flunk Day next week!)

April 16

-This will not be Flunk Day. It also needs to be defined what a "scare" is. A scare is not shouting it's Flunk Day at night. A scare is a well ordered conspiracy where you mislead a large amount of the student body so that they believe it's Flunk Day.

1:42am: The people shouting in the quads need to do two things: learn to read, and then read the definition of a scare and the history of epic scares.

-Why are you so bitter? How about instead of complaining on the WikiFire, you get your ass out of bed and join the scare? You're so boring!

April 18

FLUNK DAY ANGER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

COMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAIN

FLUNK YOU!

Haven't you realized by now that Flunk Day doesn't exist?

April 19

-Was not Flunk Day, despite all of the solid evidence that follows. A group of rowdy gentlemen informed the quads of this at around 7:30 A.M. See more below: April 24/Rowdy Gentlemen Who Scream "It's not Flunk Day" @ 730 AM

-Why is this day being neglected? No one is suspecting, thus it is the perfect plan. Is Flunk Day today?

-Probably won't be Flunk Day today because of housing lottery? And what about Phoneathon? And they haven't even sent the second email (The Fact/Myth email) out yet!

-Silly underclassmen, the Fact/Myth email is not an every year thing. Once that first email happens...it's on. ALSO, Flunk Day was on housing lottery before...it is just another way of screwing with us.

-Flunk Day is not today there is a guest speaker planned tonight Doug McAdam, but I would expect a scare at least. Also coincidence, I think not, HyVee put up decorations in the store that are remarkably themed to match Flunk on the Beach. All I can say is the shark, fish, and whale balloons are epic and a clear sign Flunk Day is on our doorstep.

-Roger Taylor said they are looking at Flunk Day in a new light this year. A safer one. <--Well this is it, today was Flunk Day.

6:45pm: Golf cart seen roaming Knox's campus. Persons talking w/ Ginny and Britt (Flunk Day planners). Tomorrow is surely Flunk Day. Get your stashes ready!

9:48pm: Confirmed: all four Flunk Day Planners shopping at Wal-Mart right now!

10:25pm: Lights on in the Union Board office.

11:02pm: Talked to Xavier, and asked if it was Flunk Day and he said, "He would not be making any trips to Knox tomorrow."

11:05pm: Ten well known seniors' phones are turned off, including Ginny Graves.

11:10pm: LIES!

11:12pm: Environmental Studies candidate lunch and lecture CANCELLED!

11:30pm: Pam Schuller has been cited at Knox again! Flunk Day is definitely tomorrow !

11:47pm: Erica Jaffe and Michael Sales spotted near the Gizmo. <--Michael Sales is in Maine, nice try!

11:50pm: Alumni member of the President's Circle gets email saying that Flunk Day is tomorrow! <--This is legit, I've seen it! Unless it's an awesomely orchestrated prank! See President's Circular Email Prank Below.

12:22am: SEAN FORS IS MISSING. IT MUST BE FLUNK DAY.

-Has no one noticed the blatantly scheduled home baseball game for tomorrow?!?! <-- fake home game was scheduled on FD in 2006. <--ok, but golf is gone to MO as well; both of these teams have been screwed over in the Seniors' Knox lifetimes, would they really do that again!?! <--yes. <--well, the game is on the website (http://www.robertmorris.edu/athletics/mensbaseball/springfield/schedule/).

-...better get that mudpit ready. This could be HUGE!

-*sniff sniff* I smell a scare. This could be HUGE!

-THEY MOWED THE SOUTH LAWN TODAY...MUST BE FLUNK DAY!

-Posted on Ginny's Facebook wall: kathleen mary podlipni: very clever baker, but i am 75% sure tmrw is not flunk day molly anne: i don't think it is Flunk Day but I really really really hope it is not. I lack some necessary supplies. virginia baker: that's too bad. i guess you should have listened to jnef and i....

Ginny confirming Flunk Day = Not Flunk Day also she is by her computer or using her IPhone meaning she IS NOT PHONELESS or INTERNET-LESS and it's NOT FLUNK DAY!

April 20

-Like having your birthday on Christmas, or possibly the best superholiday in history? Discuss.

-It'd be pretty smart on the administration's part; kill two birds in one stone. There are far too many conflicts however: multiple home baseball games, dance residency, and Dan Peterman's talk. <--Talk cancelled and dance residency unimportant. <-- EXCUSE YOU. IT IS IMPORTANT. We've been screwed over 2 years in a row.

-Naw, having your birthday on/around Christmas would suck. You get half the presents! So you get half the fun, you see...

-Why is the Oak Room going to be closed for breakfast in the morning? Suspicious much?

-Also, Andru Bemis is supposed to be performing today. Posters and a Facebook event have been up for a while. Proof it's not Flunk Day, or Flunk Day music??? <--DOES NOT MATTER! This was not organized before the Flunk Day calendar!

-Lights on in the mailroom? THIS COULD BE HUGE!

-Time for a Midnight Stroll. This could be HUGE!

-Lights on in the mailroom AND kitchen. This could be SMALL!

-Start Drinking!!!!!

-Even if it ISN'T tomorrow, someone had best to start workin' on that mud pit. That shit is pitiful. <--AMEN!

-Friars chosen, lost contact with my roomie. Get some sleep. BC TOMORROW's FLUNK DAAAAAAY!!!!!

-At this rate, if Flunk Day isn't tomorrow, a damn epic scare better materialize or I'll be thoroughly disappointed.

-2:55am Martha Baumgarten was seen in the union board office. FLUNK DAAAAAAAY... ALSO the lights in the caf & the GIZMO are on. WTFFFFF FLUNK DAY??!!!

-Two suspicious trucks parked in Seymour loading docks. Both are occupied by men who are not security. Security is driving around in unmarked car. Lights in mail room still on (rumor is that there are always on) seniors who received txt message to meet at 5 am are not picking up their phones. What does it all mean?

4:24am: TRAIN WHISTLE! Totally Flunk Day!!!

4:34am: Oh yeah. TOTALLY Flunk Day!!! ABBY PARDICK PROMISED!!! If it is not flunk, blame said sr. <--She never promised shit. <--Even if Abby promised she's a senior SHE'S GOING TO LIE!!!!!!

-ANOTHER TRAIN WHISTLE!!!

5:50am: Was there even a scare in the Quads? Nothing by Williston/apts...<--Shit was heard by Townhouse residents. Get yo heads outta yo asses Williston and suck it!

6:08am: It is determined that the class of 2010 sucks. <--Our class is still better than yours.

Senior flunk scare member is chased valiantly by campus security, proving class of 2010's great scare pride and physical endurance.

5:00pm: Oliwia Zurek spotted drunk at Kaldi's - it's either Flunk Day tomorrow or she just gave up on her honors project.

11:05pm: Someone replaced the whole page with Happy Flunk Day, please don't do this as this page still serves to chronicle the hilariousness of all the scares and misinformation leading up to Flunk Day.

President's Circular Email Prank

The following email was (mistakenly?) sent tonight to an undisclosed list, but apparently they are recent donors to Knox.

-Hmm... I think it's time for some foot soldiers. Deploy my minions!!! Also, groom the mud pit. <-- Better be safe than sorry. That mud pit is in sad shape.

-It's a Fraud: [This is] Shopped. Grey box around lettering. I'm going to sleep. <--- Oh give me a break, those are just JPEG compression artifacts, that kind of "analysis" doesn't fly with lossy formats.

-It's Authentic: Opposite of shopped - screenshots captured and reassembled in Paint, then saved as JPG -- that's where your gray letters come in. I'd be happy to forward the original along to anyone who wants to see it.

-Real or fake though, that mud pit needs dug Conger/Neal. You're supposed to be on that shit by now.

-Is this Roger Taylor's goodbye prank?

-It's a Fraud: Look, guys, it's not fucking Flunk Day. What it is, is an absentee Flunk Day scare. THIS IS A MASSIVE ALUMNI CONSPIRACY, undertaken by our gone (but not forgotten) friends from 2009 who want to relive their Flunk glory as an escape from their student loans and meager employment prospects. It's next week for sure.

-It's Authentic: Flunk day IS tomorrow. This email was sent to a '93 graduate (official). FLUNK DAY!!!<-------- No way!<---------WAY! THIS IS TRUE!

-It's a Fraud: Look at the signature tag of Roger's email. Definitely not the same as previous emails he has sent out. Mailbox number is incorrect, and he always puts Roger L. Taylor '63, which does not appear anywhere in the signature. It is a hoax. Tomorrow is not Flunk Day, though I still hope it would be! <--http://www.knox.edu/About-Knox/We-Are-Knox/Our-President/2009-Presidents-Report.html That's the way the Rog always signs his letters btw.

-Point of Clarification: Why does it say circular? I thought it was President's Circle. <---- *Taken from the Knox Website* Participants in the Finley Society will be recognized for their leadership gifts to Knox with special mention in the Honor Roll of Donors, an invitation to the President's Circle reception at Homecoming, and subscription to the *PRESIDENT'S CIRCULAR*, an e-newsletter for all members of the President's Circle.

April 21

12:51am - I'm bored.

1:16am - I have a paper due tomorrow.. I mean today.. I wish today is Flunk Day

5:30am - Lights on in the Wilson House and Dining Services. Is that normal?

April 22

-The only thing scheduled for today is the dance residency. Last year they had Flunk Day on the day of the Blood Drive so I wouldn't put it past the planners to screw over the dancers.

-It's admitted students day...and it's not fake. I know prospies who are coming and spending the night...no Flunk Day today. Next week!<--Admissions has been known to call prospective students and ask them to not come in the night before. <--The Knox Admissions Office, I know would NEVER do that. No Flunk Day this week. <--They HAVE done that. <--They've also made up prospective students before. You may think you're volunteering to host, but really that person doesn't exist!

--It is the only day this week with NOTHING going on (no home games, no guest speakers, and dance residency has fallen on Flunk Day before)! <--Seriously, it's admitted students day. Students are coming to stay overnight on Thursday, since they aren't allowed here on the weekend. Students are coming from all over the U.S., they aren't going to just call up people the night before and ask them not to get on their plane. And too many individual prospies have verified with various students from Knox that they have connections to.

-Is it actually an admitted students day or are prospies just randomly coming? Cause usually admitted student days are advertised on the calendar, and a notice that the oak room will not be open for lunch goes up. We have already had two admitted student days which is usually how many there are, and I don't see anything on the calendar or any oak room notices. Admissions doesn't know when it is Flunk Day till last minute and so they have had to cancel visits before, it sucks, but its not their choice.

-Yes, it is an admitted student day on April 23rd. They have frequently advertised it to prospective students, the employees are hard at work scheduling and setting up for it, and they've spent tons of money getting ready for it. There is no way they would cancel it just to surprise us with Flunk day. It's been planned for over half a year in advance, too. If you want proof, check out the Oak Room schedule. http://www.knox.edu/dining/weeklyoak.aspx

-April 23rd is an Admitted Student Day... NOT April 22nd!! OH SHIT!

-But they're not stupid enough to have Flunk Day right before an open house. <--They've done it many times before, so this is a moot point. <--WHEN have they done it "many times before" and what constitutes "right before"? The day before? A few hours before? Remember, students who are coming in for the admitted students day are staying over night on THURSDAY...not Friday. Meaning they would be arriving during the day on Thursday, and during the day on...Flunk Day? I don't think so. <--They're not staying overnight. It's just an admitted student day. Can I give you exact years? No, but ask the Seniors 'cuz they know best. It's gonna be HUGE. <--Yes, they are staying overnight in various dorms and in the admission suite, because it's admitted students day and since they can't stay over night on Friday, they come on Thursday, stay over night, do stuff on Friday, and then leave. So unless all of the prospies who have talked to individual students about coming on Friday (or Thursday) are all part of a big conspiracy, I'm guessing it's not going to be Flunk Day.

-An alumnus reports his fave Knox memory is his FIVE flunk days, once as a prospie. Said alumnus is now a trustee. Roping in prospies with an extra Flunk Day with hopes for Alumni Hall?!

-Something suspicious was overheard by a student working in Admissions... "The hotel rooms have been taken care of for tomorrow." Possible that the overnight students who are supposed to sleep over are staying in a hotel instead? Note: Families might stay in hotels, but Admissions doesn't plan that for them. <--In the C-store earlier tonight, when an overnight host asked an admissions student worker about details on her prospie, the student deflected the question with an abrupt and mysterious "I don't know. Don't worry about it." This person isn't usually taciturn...suspicious? I think VERY <--are you talking about Hayley? She was totally bullshitting. Flunk Day isn't tomorrow.

-Ginny Graves sent notes to random people who did the Assassins game planning a "scare" for Wednesday night. Ginny is practically in charge of Flunk Day AND this is what they did last year... Planned a "scare" then it really was Flunk Day. It IS Flunk Day tomorrow.

-Seniors are STRONGLY ENCOURAGED to come out for Senior Meeting tonight... abduction?

10:30pm: Flunk Day Planners Martha, Jenni and Ginny seen stress eating in the Gizmo. Britt Anderson was not eating--everyone knows she loves to eat--something's up.

SPOTTED: JNef in Founders attempting to unzip her jacket to show off her "friar" t-shirt, but failing miserably while she and Ginny both proclaim that tomorrow is flunk day. (10:50pm) Shenanigans!

10:52pm: Loud yelling heard coming from the betta house. Tomorrow is for sure Flunk Day!

-All campus email about a new printer in GDH? TOTAL DEFLECTION! TOMORROW IS FLUNK DAY! <--SELF EDIT! Apparently it didn't go out to all of campus. It did, however, go out at 10:30 PM. Here's the email:

Please join us in George Davis Hall on Earth Day, Thursday, 4/22 10:00am - 12:00pm and 1:00pm - 3:00pm to view new printer technology!

The Xerox ColorQube is the most environmentally friendly piece of copy/print equipment on the planet. This is truly an amazing piece of equipment, and we want to share this new green technology with everyone during this special week. See how the ColorQube's revolutionary solid ink technology cannot only help you be green, but save you some green as well!

Xerox representatives will be present to discuss this equipment and if you are a part of a Green Solutions Expo, the Sustainability Committee, and anyone wanting to celebrate 30 years of Earth Day they would like to speak with you.

BERTL

BERTL awarded the ColorQube 9200 Series multifunction printer a 5-Star "Exceptional" rating, noting the device’s vibrant image quality, reasonable print productivity and excellent ease of use.

September 2009 Sheryl Nyman, Lab Manager

-It's a printer. An email went out over a printer = NOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH FLUNK DAY!!! However, I think it's very awesome, Go Knox environmental friendliness!

-WHAT THE FUCK DOES THIS MEEEEAAAAAN?!

RIGHT NOW: People are drunk. Tomorrow is Flunk Day. <--People are always drunk, like Zak Khan so it doesn't mean it's Flunk Day... unless you live everyday of your life like it's Flunk Day.

12:12am: Make a wish. Tomorrow will be Flunk Day with enough wishes.<--It's 11:11 when you make a wish. Lolz.

-DIG mudpitters DIGG!! MUAHAHAHAHAAAA

1:35am Can I haz Flunk Day?

5:00am Martha Baumgarten and Britt Anderson (Flunk Day Planners) were spotted heading to Seymour...hmmmmmm.

5:01am Security drove by mudpit.

5:07am Security drove by mudpit again.

5:58am Lame ass-scare wakes everyone up.

-Maybe it's because I go to sleep at 4, but none of the scares have woken me up yet.

11:37pm Random stars were drawn around campus sidewalks with the unusual number "73" written in them.

11:45pm Group with guitar were roaming around campus singing.

April 21, 22, and 23

-Flunk day can't be this week; the college wouldn't risk their precious campus getting destroyed before admitted students day. <--Perhaps it's a fake admitted students day? <--Not possible. After all the calls students make about it? <--Remember last year when Flunk Day was on the day of the APO Blood Drive and APO had it all organized only for the planners to secretly cancel it behind their backs? It could happen again.<--Flunk Day will absolutely not be anytime before the admitted students day. It's neither fake nor the same kind of event as the blood drive. <--It won't happen ON admitted students day, but BEFORE is totally okay.

-Flunk Day is not this week. The Admissions Office HATES knowing when Flunk Day is, and therefore, would not make their own lives harder by scheduling an entire fake admitted students day. Plus, there are at least 10-15 people staying overnight on Thursday. Thus, no Flunk Day that day.

-This Just In: ROGER TAYLOR SEEN WALKING AROUND CAMPUS WITH A CUPCAKE. FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW.

1:21am It's quiet, TOO QUIET.... tomorrow HAS TO BE IT.

-Pie a Pi Phi has been postponed till the 26th, could this be FLUNK DAY? <-- No, that's just because it was raining and all the whipped cream would just be washed off our faces and then people would be said that their efforts to pie us came to nothing.

April 24/Rowdy Gentlemen Who Scream "It's Not Flunk Day!" @ 7:30 AM

According to sources close to the residents of Conger/Neal (who are tired of the rowdiness of the Rowdy Gentlemen AKA the SNUs who are currently residing or squatting at the SNU house) instigated a false alarm scare of their own today at around 6 am.

One of the Conger/Nealians says a SNU emerged with a super soaker. Apparently this super soaker was empty. Womp, Womp.

The Week of April 26, 2010-April 30, 2010

-April 26th is going to be Flunk Day. Remember that I told you so as you gleefully fling yourself into the mudpit. <--Why not the 29th? This is the REAL Flunk Day.

-The week prior to these dates there is a HUGE dance residency that's being paid for and arranged by four different groups, grants, and departments on campus. Residencies are planned a year in advance and LAST time they had Flunk Day during a dance residency the dance department FLIPPED A SHIT since it caused them major havoc. The week after this, the only possible days are Monday and Wednesday due to a.) Midwest Conference tournaments AT KNOX and b.) dance main stage shows, which, due to dance ensemble, count as academic events this term and thus cannot be messed with. If they want to have Flunk Day in April since it's been in May for so long so it can't be any other week than this. <--You have your facts wrong...academic things CAN be messed with if they are not requested off from the Flunk Day planners. [EDIT: THEY HAVE BEEN REQUESTED OFF VERY SPECIFICALLY. THEY CANNOT RUIN A TWO-TERM ACADEMIC COMMITMENT!!!!!!!!] Also, who wants to have Flunk Day in April?! You say "they"...who is "they"? <--POINT OF INFORMATION: Jen Smith and Kathleen Ridlon (dance faculty) have said that they made the dates of the mainstage dance concert known on the "Don't let it be Flunk Day" Calendar. Dance has been screwed over the past two years, and this is a two-term academic commitment. They just CAN'T do it the first week of May.

-Two security guards were overhead near the mudpit saying Flunk Day will be Tuesday and that they should tell the bettas that it will be Thursday just to mess with them. <--Why specifically the bettas? <--I do believe the fraternity on campus is not a type of fish (betta), I do believe that they prefer it to be spelled Betas. Now back to important Flunk Day ramble...

-Britt Anderson's 21st birthday is the 28th, could she have given herself the best birthday present ever?

-UPDATE! I quote Jenn Snider, "Flunk Day will not be next Monday (April 26th), I would cry." <--Everyone knows that you can't trust anything Jenn says. She's crafty.<--Club budgets are due this day and the Senate Finance Committee is meeting at night to go over them. <--They will be meeting at night, meaning if the lights are on late at night people shouldn't be suspicious? Or are they trying to mislead us? Is the Senate Finance Committee secretly involved in Union Board affairs or at least helping Ginny Graves & Co. keep this campus on its toes? <--Senate has nothing to do with Union Board. This is why they got angry when Senate tried to plan a coup d'etat on them in November. Jenn Snider however is both the Union Board advisor and the advisor for the Senate Finance Committee. <--POINT OF INFORMATION: Who is on the Finance Committee? <--Kathleen Motherfucking Podlipni is. Oh and like 5 other people. <--Other Finance Committee members include: the Treasurer Liesl Pereira (also President of the Class of 2010, interesting...) Freshman Kenton Tilford, Freshwoman Sara Ahmed, Sophomore Gordon RUGGLES Barrat, Junior Maxwell Carson Galloway and Sophomore Greg Noth who is pretty fuckin' legit, I bet he knows when Flunk Day is.

-This just in: Kelly Hogan gives her Women's Playwrights class the day off on Monday the 26th for a "work day"... Flunk Day?<--erroneous

-Creative Writing senior seminar students had the due date of their 25-page self-reflection paper pushed back from Monday to Wednesday ... Flunk Day?

-Note regarding above: Knox Professors do not know when Flunk Day is.

-This math guy created an algorithm to predict Flunk Day that's never been wrong and it predicts the 26th.

-SOOOOOO... someone heard from someone who heard from someone else that... follow along people: a Knox staff member went to dentist office (owned by a Knox alum) and told them that a freezer is stuffed! AKA with Flunk Aay food... minutes later another staff member went to the same dentist and dentist informed this staff member of the recent developments...and this staff member told the someone who told the other someone and that someone told me!!! THIS COULD BE HUGE!<-- I heard from someone who heard from someone that this is EPIC! Let's think about this, isn't the same amount of food needed on Flunk Day as on any other day the Caf is open. Maybe even less considering there is less selection when food's on the Gizmo patio and the Oak Room is closed. Why would the freezers be any more packed pre-Flunk Day (or Lincolnfest or anything) than on any other random day?

-I can confirm that a Knox Staff member heard from a Knox Alum, who heard from a cafeteria worker, etc.... Our experienced Caf workers lovingly predict Monday OR Tuesday is el Dia de Flunk.

-So, I was in the C-Store and one of the ladies who works there was talking to a guy in a purple knox shirt (he works in facilities or something, idk) and he said that Flunk Day is Wednesday, April 28th.

-Jenn Snider just sent an email to seniors saying to watch out for a text because friars have been picked. Oh and Varakin is not having class on Monday because he conveniently has to go out of town.

-PROFESSORS DO NOT KNOW WHEN FLUNK DAY IS. Therefore if they cancel class or are out of town it is not because they know it's Flunk Day. It simply means that they have something to do. Also the freezer could be stocked with the food for the cookout during next weekend's UB music fest.

-Dean Breitborde, out of his office today (Friday, 23rd) - four day weekend? Yes, indeed, he loves vacation. FLUNK DAY is this MONDAY (26th). Also, his calendar had lotssss of white space on MONDAY. THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!!! Wait, no. THIS IS HUGE!!!! <--Dean Breitborde does not know when Flunk Day is.

-*POINT OF CLARIFICATION*: The only people on campus who know when Flunk Day is, are the Flunk Day Planners, Jenn Snider, Debbie Southern, and John Schlaf. Re: Pt of Clarification: WHAT ABOUT HELMUT?!!! You think he randomly gets a call at 3AM from Jenn telling him to get his pans and pancake mixes together (not to mention he needs some help) because Flunk Day is happenin' in 2 hours? There are way more people who know, HOWEVER for their own peace of mind, they say they don't know... Imagine if Larry Breitborde said he knew when it is - people would not stop asking him... <-----Guys, come on. MANY administrators know when it is (including Dean Breitborde). As much as we would like to think 4 students and about 3 administrators could orchestrate something as elaborate as flunk day, that would be needless--and quite frankly--impossible. Not only do (most) administrators know when it is, many staffers do too. There is a ton of data processing and abundant paperwork associated with the event; secretaries also need to know when is appropriate to schedule appointments. In addition to this, several people in admissions (obviously) have to know when it is. If they are not told outright, then I'm sure they can figure it out by using process of elimination.

-Can we start a separate section for individual days? Whoever made this section for the whole week apparently wants to make the wikifire even harder to read.<-- Anyone can edit the Wikifire. Do it yourself. <--Done. You don't need to be an asshole about it <---'THIS COULD BE HUGE (depending on the hole diameter).... <-- DISCUSS. <--Who keeps writing this, it's kinda annoying. <--It can't be Flunk Day because not enough people are hyped up about it yet. Discussion would lead to more people getting excited? Idk.

Wednesday, April 28

Facilities members suspect this day?

2 possible conflicts (though not necessarily excluding this day) are a confirmed home baseball game and the McNair Fellow Proposal Presentations.

Numerous residents in Hamblin Apartments woke up on April 25th with "Wendísimo" written on their dry erase boards. As mostly seniors live in Hamblin, could this made up word be a hint that Flunk Day is on Wednesday???

Thursday, April 29

Nothing has really been said about this day. <--- I have an exam, Flunk Day has to be today.

The Men's Golf Team will be at Conference in Rockford. Flunk Day is not today.<-- Golf has been screwed before, it can be screwed again. <---not twice in three years... not to mention that it's been confirmed by a senior (as in experience, not year of college) dining services employee that flunk day is not on a day that golf is gone. BOOYAH.

Sorry but Flunk Day is Monday, the 26th.

May

May 4

-Official El Dia de Flunk/Sam Martone Flunk Day Projection. If Sam Martone is correct he will forever go down in Knox College history as the boy who did the impossible- predict Flunk Day correctly and more than 24 hrs in advance. He deserves a cookie.

-Jessi Chan (clearly the secret Flunk Day Planner) was overheard in the caf talking about how she can't wait for the week of May 3rd--possible flunk day leak??

-Would not be May 4th.... it is the Environmental Racism field trip, which has already been fucked once by Flunk Day. And while things can be fucked multiple times by Flunk Day, it would be a very dumb idea to make Peter Schwartzman and Konrad Hamilton mad again... they're vicious. <--If they didn't let the Flunk Day Planners know ahead of time, then it doesn't make a difference, they would not have been able to plan around it. <--It was the administration's fault that the Environmental Racism field trip coincided with Flunk Day '07. Schwartzman and Hamilton have coordinated with the admins since then to prevent repeats- can't be flunk day.

May 5

-No one has provided a logical reason for why Flunk Day could be this day (although there isn't ANYTHING going on)...and yet it keeps coming up. Everyone's talking about May 5; no one knows why. Do YOU know why? Post here... Well, Flunk Day 2008 was May 1st and Flunk Day 2009 was May 6th, people are probably projecting Flunk Day in early May since it has been the recent trend.

-Caxton Club has something scheduled. <--Caxton Club stuff is scheduled real late sometimes. <--AND PROFESSORS (WHO SCHEDULE CAXTON CLUB DEPENDING ON WHEN THE READER IS ABLE TO COME) DON'T KNOW WHEN FLUNK DAY IS.

-Professor Williams cites Flunk Day as May 5th on his syllabus for the Shakespeare class. <--Irrelevant. Professors always cite potential "Flunk Days" in their syllabus just so that there is a flex day, because Flunk Day is bound to happen. Whether or not it's actually that day is completely besides the point, and he wouldn't know. <-- Professor Williams is a SMOOTH OPERATOR.<-- Professor Williams is new, why in the world he know when Flunk Day is?! LAME! <--Well he cancelled classes Monday the 26th, and Flunk Day is definitely the 26th.

June

Clearly the administration will wait until senior week to hold Flunk Day, thus saving all of those budding alcoholic underclassmen from alcohol poisoning. <--LOVES IT!

FYI: Flunk Day- Not only a Knox Tradition?!

-According to this website: http://kohawktalk-kali.blogspot.com/2010/04/tomorrow-is-flunk-day.html Coe College located in Iowa also has a Flunk Day. <--We're WAYYYYYYYYYYY cooler than Coe College. They're copycats. <--Fuck the kohawks!

-Of course it's not only Knox. Doane College in Nebraska has the same thing called Stop Day. <--Yeah, there are a lot of schools similar to Knox who have these kind of surprise all day carnivals...Except Flunk Day is waaaaaaay better.