Dr. Laser
Dr. Laser is a medical doctor, relatively new to the practice with just over 5 years of operating experience. She got her degree from the wonderful Knox College (it was honorary, but that doesn't stop her from practicing.)
Dr. Laser was originally weilded by the fantastic Sean McKittrick when he used her, and her lost twin sister, to convert a couch into sawdust. She has since moved into the possesion of Andy Sheehan, who added a ring of metal to add luck and balance to the good Dr., and will continue to live in Sigma Nu room 204 ( Dr. Laser's Office (The sign means the outside window, not the hookah room one) until otherwise moved.
Dr. Laser was married to Senator Peanut (a pair of scissor) until he was caught with a dead hooker and deported. Did you know that killing a hooker is considered to be treason now? It's true, it is.
Dr. Laser is a direct descendant of Mjollner.
Dr. Laser is a crowbar, by the way.