Neal 1

Requirements for Residency

 In the interest of preventing a battle of the largest egos on campus the following information has 
 been added for clarification of the bizarre space-time anomalies surrounding Neal 1.

Neal 1 is traditionally occupied by enormous egos. As a side effect of this requirement each incoming group of residents believes themselves to be enormously greater than the last. The phenomena creates a duality of perspectives.

Since both groups have egos large enough to declare their opinions to be fact, the following contradiction arises:

• Each incoming group is certainly greater than the last by an order of magnitude.
• Each leaving group is certainly greater than the incoming group by an order of magnitude.

In Mathematics this is a contradiction, however due to the principles of quantum mechanics we find the two facts actually reside in quantum superposition — that is, both facts are simultaneously true and not true until we make a measurement. But once we make a measurement, we inherently disturb the system and force the wave function to collapse on a spike at a specific value. There is no way to find out which statements are true without looking at the system, and once we look at the system the superposition no longer exists. It then evolves with time according to the Schrodinger equation. Thus we can declare all of the following predicates as valid while our back is turned and we aren't looking at Neal 1 (as soon as we turn around, we cause the superposition to collapse and we see one answer to our question):

• The new residents of Neal 1 will certainly suck
• The new residents of Neal 1 will certainly show up the old residents
• The old residents of Neal 1 will certainly live on as the greatest of the Neal 1 residents
• The old residents of Neal 1 certainly sucked

However, as per the laws of quantum mechanics, we cannot know any of the above statements until we actually make a measurement on the system.

2007 Residents

The residents of Neal 1 in 2007 were insane. They never did anything wrong. They were also the best looking suite on the entire campus.

Neal 1 helped to construct Flunk Day 2007's epic mud pit.

Residents:

• Ryan Cash

• Adam Vera

• Muhibo Sharif-Sidi

• Karen Russell

• Devlin Reem

• Kevin Wickman

• Kimberly Anderson

• Elaine Wilson

• Pac Pobric

• Matt Baker

• Sam Jarvis

• Aaron Barnett

2008 Residents

The future residents of Neal 1 in 2008 are an esoteric group of derelicts. They are part of a housing block of 24 which also appropriated Conger 1 for the 07-08 year. This group represents a majority of the 06-07 residents of Seymour 2 and their friends. Neal 1 has been designated the rowdier half of Seymour 2's housing block, which means a couple people will drink alcohol and play live music.

Residents:

• John Lane

• Pier Debes

• Adam Kent

• Emman Mascariñas

• Lyall Wallerstedt

• Elliot McKinley

• Jake Whipple

• John Hutson

• Zack Stockdale

• Andrew Horn

• Carlos Wolf

• John Perleberg

Impending Reality Series Picked Up By MTVU: Trailer A

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See Conger 1

Can the new residents of Neal (2007-2008) handle the awesome power of Neal? When asked this question, the former Neal residents (2006-2007) were quoted as saying, "Are you fucking kidding me? We are so much hotter than they are..." True shit.

2009 Residents

The new Neal 1 crowd may need some help with the whole Flunk Day mudpit, but they're willing to take a stab at it:

• Helen Hapner

• Mary Reindl

• Chloe Bohm

• Natasha Largo

• Liz Ruiz

• Amanda Sicoli

• Carly Kirven

Others which are unknown at this time. But, according to tradition, they will be better than the last crowd no matter who they are.