Flunk Day 2010
"It's coming to a Knox College near you in the fairly distant future."
Official projection for el Dia de Flunk 2010: Tuesday, May 4th, similarly the Official Sam Martone Flunk Day Projection is also Tuesday, May 4th.
March
-This just in: FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE BEING PICKED THROUGH A GAME OF ASSASSINS!!!
March 25
Sam Martone announces that he will act as a mercenary/spy for seniors who desire assistance during the Assassins game.
March 26
Tenured Professor of Economics, Jonathan Powers, asserted that Flunk Day IS tomorrow, Saturday, March 27th.
March 30
FLUNK DAY FRIARS ARE OFFICIALLY NOT BEING PICKED BY A GAME OF ASSASSINS BECAUSE KNOX COLLEGE NO LONGER ENJOYS FUN OR THINGS THAT ARE FUN. Are the Flunk Day Gods listening? Ginny Graves tells anonymous student that friars will now be picked through a large game of bingo. Hit your grandparents up for strategies people. It is on!
March 31
Many students are confused and lost now that their Master of Flunk has been dismissed. Now there will be no riding around in the Gator handing out condoms and being reprimanded by Roger again.
--> Simultaneously, the upperclassmen are throwing parties to celebrate the dismissal.
--> Simultaneously, the sophomores are confused as to why people are so mean.
--> Simultaneously, the first-years are confused as to what exactly Flunk Day is and who the Flunk Master is. They decide to start investing in the "Flunk Day stash" the upperclassmen were talking about, not sure if this really means alcohol, drugs, or party blowers. <---All of the above. This is important.
April
April 1
- 4AM
Students are emailed about being a part of Flunk Day and to remain secret.<--Friars? This could be huge!
- 8AM
Students are turned away from Campus Life only to realize they just got mega pranked!!! HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!! and congratulations and fuck all those who orchestrated this prank!
April 5
- 2PM
In a stunning turn of events, the Flunk Day e-mail consists of Roger Taylor announcing his resignation. A new tradition is born.
- 10PM
Suspicious vehicles spotted in Dick Blick parking lot.
- 11PM
A bright flash of light is seen coming from the Northwest.
April 6
- 5 AM
Some people yell that it is Flunk Day. Unfortunately, they start out in Hamblin and the upperclassmen only grumble. We all go back to sleep.
April 7/Flunk Day Review
- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.
- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist. In one case a few years ago, the boy's baseball team was away at a game when Flunk Day occurred.
- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit. :)
- Don't believe any of the upperclassmen. Ever.
- Don't believe any of the faculty. Ever.
- Just because the caf is baking a lot of cookies does not mean Flunk Day is tomorrow.
- It is also not necessarily Flunk Day if the grass has just been mowed.
- Large trailers spotted at random businesses around town does not mean they are blow-up carnival rides.
- Flunk Day will not be on a Friday. Too many people would end up in the hospital from non-stop partying. OH YEAH!
- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.
- Everything they (the Flunk Day planners) say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.
- Here is also a map from last year's Flunk Day that we can update this year:
Notable sightings would include Helmut leaving the caf at odd hours of the morning, etc.
-This morning was a very large and well organized and very loud Flunk Day scare. They had sirens, pots and pans, and at least twenty participants, one of whom screamed, "YOU WON'T CATCH ME ALIVE!" as he ran away. This was a very stupid scare for everyone except the Freshmen and Freshwomen considering a.) the safety e-mail hasn't been sent out yet b.) IT'S THE SECOND WEEK OF APRIL, HARDLY.
-Flunk Day will be April 29th. The powers that be have spoken.
April 9th
WHY IT IS -On Friday, I overheard something in the Campus Life Office about "this being the big week". Jenn looked super busy and the Flunk Day planners were seen leaving the office carrying a box and a bag. Also, we Facebooked a few of the admissions visitors that were scheduled to come early this week and we think that at least one of them is a completely made up person. Flunk Day IS THIS WEEK!
WHY IT ISN'T -This week is a big week because the drafts of club budget requests are due and it's the housing lottery, so of course Campus Life is busy this week. Also, I believe Craig Southern would kill someone if housing lottery was messed up. Flunk Day is NOT THIS WEEK!
April 13th
-Flunk Day email sent out, Flunk Day is tomorrow! And if not, senior meeting at Buffalo Wild Wings, so it will be a good night.
-Has anyone noticed that there are no significant campus events going on on Earth Day like there usually are? Flunk Day?? <--There actually are!
-START DIGGING THE MUD PIT
April 14th
3:56 am- The double doors in the hallway of Seymour are open suspiciously early. The light is on in the mail room. I don't know if that particular clue is actually indicative of anything, but I've heard it is.
-It definitely, definitely is! Lights are on in mailroom and dining services.
-Clearly, Today is Flunk Day, start drinkin'!
-It's a scare <--you're a scare. CAN'T STOP US!!!!!!!!!!
-Flunk Day is Definitely Tomorrow!
April 15th
-Although people are suggesting things to the contrary: Flunk Day will NOT be Thursday, April 15th. This is the day of the Joe W. Morgan lecture, which is a HUGE deal and they have an editor from Rolling Stone coming, who has spoken on the phone with individual students and talked about her visit and what she's going to talk about while here. Plus they made reservations for her for dinner.
-In response to the post above...Flunk Day can be placed on the same day as a huge event if it was not scheduled WAY in advance. It has happened before. Look back, Flunk Day almost always is placed during SOMETHING on campus. I still would not rule Wednesday or Thursday out.
12:04am: Group of Conger/Neal residents begin digging of mud pit.
-Also...shipping the seniors off to Buffalo Wild Wings seems innocent enough...or does it? Hmm, maybe a clever way to round up friars?
-They just decided how they're going to PICK friars. Flunk Day is in May.
-Poor naive little Underclassmen. Aside from the fact that Flunk Day is Tomorrow, there is no supporting evidence for anything yet. You need to get better at this.
-Also Conger/Neal, don't fuck it up. And whatever you do, don't use the tiller that SNU has...
2:05am: Xavier Romano seen at Beta incident with 7 cop cars, 2 firetrucks and his Flunk Day hat in hand. Continue digging the mud pit!
2:37am: Xavier being seen on campus is not true. I am one of the select few who has direct access to "The Raptor!" Alas, no Raptors at KC for el dia de Flunk forever :(
-The "mud pit" looks like a giant Cheerio made of shit. The middle section of hardened dirt and topsoil needs to be broken up and moved out of the way. An easy way to do this is by using a tiller. It looks like you went at it with a trowel. Your first attempt = Failed.
-Flunk Day TKS is printed (Flunk Day next week!)
April 16
-This will not be Flunk Day. It also needs to be defined what a "scare" is. A scare is not shouting it's Flunk Day at night. A scare is a well ordered conspiracy where you mislead a large amount of the student body so that they believe it's Flunk Day.
1:42am: The people shouting in the quads need to do two things: learn to read, and then read the definition of a scare and the history of epic scares.
-Why are you so bitter? How about instead of complaining on the WikiFire, you get your ass out of bed and join the scare? You're so boring!
April 18
FLUNK DAY ANGER!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAINCOMPLAIN
FLUNK YOU!
Haven't you realized by now that Flunk Day doesn't exist?
April 19
-Was not Flunk Day, despite all of the solid evidence that follows. A group of rowdy gentlemen informed the quads of this at around 7:30 A.M. See more below: April 24/Rowdy Gentlemen Who Scream "It's not Flunk Day" @ 730 AM
-Why is this day being neglected? No one is suspecting, thus it is the perfect plan. Is Flunk Day today?
-Probably won't be Flunk Day today because of housing lottery? And what about Phoneathon? And they haven't even sent the second email (The Fact/Myth email) out yet!
-Silly underclassmen, the Fact/Myth email is not an every year thing. Once that first email happens...it's on. ALSO, Flunk Day was on housing lottery before...it is just another way of screwing with us.
-Flunk Day is not today there is a guest speaker planned tonight Doug McAdam, but I would expect a scare at least. Also coincidence, I think not, HyVee put up decorations in the store that are remarkably themed to match Flunk on the Beach. All I can say is the shark, fish, and whale balloons are epic and a clear sign Flunk Day is on our doorstep.
-Roger Taylor said they are looking at Flunk Day in a new light this year. A safer one. <--Well this is it, today was Flunk Day.
6:45pm: Golf cart seen roaming Knox's campus. Persons talking w/ Ginny and Britt (Flunk Day planners). Tomorrow is surely Flunk Day. Get your stashes ready!
9:48pm: Confirmed: all four Flunk Day Planners shopping at Wal-Mart right now!
10:25pm: Lights on in the Union Board office.
11:02pm: Talked to Xavier, and asked if it was Flunk Day and he said, "He would not be making any trips to Knox tomorrow."
11:05pm: Ten well known seniors' phones are turned off, including Ginny Graves.
11:10pm: LIES!
11:12pm: Environmental Studies candidate lunch and lecture CANCELLED!
11:30pm: Pam Schuller has been cited at Knox again! Flunk Day is definitely tomorrow !
11:47pm: Erica Jaffe and Michael Sales spotted near the Gizmo. <--Michael Sales is in Maine, nice try!
11:50pm: Alumni member of the President's Circle gets email saying that Flunk Day is tomorrow! <--This is legit, I've seen it! Unless it's an awesomely orchestrated prank! See President's Circular Email Prank Below.
12:22am: SEAN FORS IS MISSING. IT MUST BE FLUNK DAY.
-Has no one noticed the blatantly scheduled home baseball game for tomorrow?!?! <-- fake home game was scheduled on FD in 2006. <--ok, but golf is gone to MO as well; both of these teams have been screwed over in the Seniors' Knox lifetimes, would they really do that again!?! <--yes. <--well, the game is on the website (http://www.robertmorris.edu/athletics/mensbaseball/springfield/schedule/).
-...better get that mudpit ready. This could be HUGE!
-*sniff sniff* I smell a scare. This could be HUGE!
-THEY MOWED THE SOUTH LAWN TODAY...MUST BE FLUNK DAY!
-Posted on Ginny's Facebook wall: kathleen mary podlipni: very clever baker, but i am 75% sure tmrw is not flunk day molly anne: i don't think it is Flunk Day but I really really really hope it is not. I lack some necessary supplies. virginia baker: that's too bad. i guess you should have listened to jnef and i....
Ginny confirming Flunk Day = Not Flunk Day also she is by her computer or using her IPhone meaning she IS NOT PHONELESS or INTERNET-LESS and it's NOT FLUNK DAY!
President's Circular Email Prank
The following email was (mistakenly?) sent tonight to an undisclosed list, but apparently they are recent donors to Knox.
-Hmm... I think it's time for some foot soldiers. Deploy my minions!!! Also, groom the mud pit. <-- Better be safe than sorry. That mud pit is in sad shape.
-It's a Fraud: [This is] Shopped. Grey box around lettering. I'm going to sleep. <--- Oh give me a break, those are just JPEG compression artifacts, that kind of "analysis" doesn't fly with lossy formats.
-It's Authentic: Opposite of shopped - screenshots captured and reassembled in Paint, then saved as JPG -- that's where your gray letters come in. I'd be happy to forward the original along to anyone who wants to see it.
-Real or fake though, that mud pit needs dug Conger/Neal. You're supposed to be on that shit by now.
-Is this Roger Taylor's goodbye prank?
-It's a Fraud: Look, guys, it's not fucking Flunk Day. What it is, is an absentee Flunk Day scare. THIS IS A MASSIVE ALUMNI CONSPIRACY, undertaken by our gone (but not forgotten) friends from 2009 who want to relive their Flunk glory as an escape from their student loans and meager employment prospects. It's next week for sure.
-It's Authentic: Flunk day IS tomorrow. This email was sent to a '93 graduate (official). FLUNK DAY!!!<-------- No way!<---------WAY! THIS IS TRUE!
-It's a Fraud: Look at the signature tag of Roger's email. Definitely not the same as previous emails he has sent out. Mailbox number is incorrect, and he always puts Roger L. Taylor '63, which does not appear anywhere in the signature. It is a hoax. Tomorrow is not Flunk Day, though I still hope it would be! <--http://www.knox.edu/About-Knox/We-Are-Knox/Our-President/2009-Presidents-Report.html That's the way the Rog always signs his letters btw.
-Point of Clarification: Why does it say circular? I thought it was President's Circle. <---- *Taken from the Knox Website* Participants in the Finley Society will be recognized for their leadership gifts to Knox with special mention in the Honor Roll of Donors, an invitation to the President's Circle reception at Homecoming, and subscription to the *PRESIDENT'S CIRCULAR*, an e-newsletter for all members of the President's Circle.
April 21
12:51am - I'm bored.
1:16am - I have a paper due tomorrow.. I mean today.. I wish today is Flunk Day
5:30am - Lights on in the Wilson House and Dining Services. Is that normal?
April 21, 22, and 23
-Flunk day can't be this week; the college wouldn't risk their precious campus getting destroyed before admitted students day. <--Perhaps it's a fake admitted students day? <--Not possible. After all the calls students make about it? <--Remember last year when Flunk Day was on the day of the APO Blood Drive and APO had it all organized only for the planners to secretly cancel it behind their backs? It could happen again.<--Flunk Day will absolutely not be anytime before the admitted students day. It's neither fake nor the same kind of event as the blood drive. <--It won't happen ON admitted students day, but BEFORE is totally okay.
-Flunk Day is not this week. The Admissions Office HATES knowing when Flunk Day is, and therefore, would not make their own lives harder by scheduling an entire fake admitted students day. Plus, there are at least 10-15 people staying overnight on Thursday. Thus, no Flunk Day that day.
-This Just In: ROGER TAYLOR SEEN WALKING AROUND CAMPUS WITH A CUPCAKE. FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW.
1:21am It's quiet, TOO QUIET.... tomorrow HAS TO BE IT.
-Pie a Pi Phi has been postponed till the 26th, could this be FLUNK DAY? <-- No, that's just because it was raining and all the whipped cream would just be washed off our faces and then people would be said that their efforts to pie us came to nothing.
April 24/Rowdy Gentlemen Who Scream "It's Not Flunk Day!" @ 7:30 AM
According to sources close to the residents of Conger/Neal (who are tired of the rowdiness of the Rowdy Gentlemen AKA the SNUs who are currently residing or squatting at the SNU house) instigated a false alarm scare of their own today at around 6 am.
One of the Conger/Nealians says a SNU emerged with a super soaker. Apparently this super soaker was empty. Womp, Womp.
Nothing says Flunk Day can't be on a Monday. <-- Flunk day will probably not be a Monday, because then everyone would just keep partying through Tuesday. (Come on, how many people have Tuesday classes?) It is more likely that it'll be a Tuesday. <-- What about partying through Wednesday to Thursday then? The only fact is that Flunk Day will never be on a Friday...<--Thursdays are normally "lab" days. You can assume that anyone who is taking a class in SMC this term, will have class on a Thursday.<-- When Flunk Day falls on a Tuesday or Thursday, many people do not go to their W/F classes, so this is a moot point. In the end, classes are the last things on most minds. Rumors from a staff member who heard it from an alumn who heard it from a dentist who heard it from your mom place Flunk Day either today or tomorrow. <--An elaboration on this story is that, in theory, the food is only able to be kept a few days beforehand. <--Sam Martone says he has heard this story debunked by several people, they have pointed out that there doesn't need to be more food for Flunk Day than any other day.<-- They have different food not available on normal days in such high quantities, such as the breakfast sandwiches juice boxes and milk cartons as well as water bottles and other portable necessities. There is DIFFERENT food than usual people, that's why this was/is such a big deal. Jenn Snider reported saying she "would cry" if it is today... could those be tears of joy? <--No, tears of agony since club budgets are due Wednesday and the Finance Committee she advises is meeting Monday night to hammer through the 50 some club budgets... if Flunk Day is Monday then Tuesday would be crunch time. <--Jenn is going to be crying tears of whatever SINCE FLUNK DAY IS MONDAY!!!! 12:36pm: Got Milk? Organic valley shipment of milk. Was that a bottle of milk or a pony? Flunk day is tomorrow bitches!!! Sometime after noon: Doug Fennig says that Flunk day is not Monday, but maybe Tuesday instead. Then says that is Monday. It's totally monday. Doug would never lie. 3:33pm 6 large unmarked trunks exited into galesburg right before me off of 74. I followed them and they pulled into the best western. Keep watching!!! <--Has ANYONE confirmed this? <--CONFIRMED!!!!!!!<--PICTURES.<---- How about you post pictures if you have them. Monday, April 26, 2010 9 events Time Event Location All Day Pre-enrollment for Fall 2010 Knox College 5:00 PM Alpha Sigma Alpha Informal Recruitment Compass Room 6:30 PM Badminton Club Fieldhouse 7:00 PM Galesburg Community Chorus rehearsals Jay Rehearsal Hall, Center for the Fine Arts 7:00 PM Lo Nuestro General Meeting Casa Latina 7:30 PM Student Health Advocacy Group Meeting The Human Rights Center, Galesburg 8:00 PM Common Ground Meeting Human Rights Center 8:00 PM History Club Meeting Common Room, Old Main 9:00 PM Circle K Meeting Ferris Lounge, Seymour Hall None of the above events on the calendar make a difference if it's Flunk Day get excited!<--Exactly. All of these "events" actually support Flunk Day being this day, because they are all unimportant compared to games/field trips/wtfever. Who is going to make a wikifire photo diary of the evidence hunt tonight? Better question: Who is going on an evidence hunt tonight? <--I'm going on a hunt tonight. You will not see me, however; I will be in full camo. Any lesser degree of badassery would not please the Flunk Gods. There is a new plant on the Gizmo patio. Also, Pam was in the cafeteria. OMGZTOMORROWISFLUNKDAYZZZZZZZ. Jenn Snider was in her office today working. On a Sunday? Unless she is trying to be the new president of the college working on a Sunday makes no sense. <-- Apparently there was a TRIO event going on where she was helping out<-- Likely Story. Ginny Graves did not attend chapter today... TOMORROW IS FLUNK DAAAAYYYYY!<-- But JNef was at chapter... wouldn't they both be gone if it was Flunk Day? <--Maybe not- JNef shows to throw us off.... also secret Funk Day Planner Jessi was also not present. TMRW IS FLUNK DAY!!! It's rainy START DIGGING THE MUD PIT!!!<-- The mud pit has been dug. It looks FANTASTIC! Great job C/N! Just talked to Quick Sam and he is expecting a "Big Day" of alcohol sales on Monday. This just in. TKS is working on an article regarding the lack of transparency and the anonymity present on the Wiki Fire board. Debbie Southern is quoted as having nothing to say. Two Knox students have already promised to have an open forum regarding Transparency on the Wiki Fire. Also being promised, the forum will go longer than needed and reportedly will focus on talking in circles. The art department and Guerilla theater are already planning strange and unmoving pieces of "performance art" for the Old Main Lawn <--THIS IS HUGE <--This is not true; I work for TKS and we are not running a story about that. At least, I don't think we are. Two forum planning students have confirmed that a second forum will convene. A panel is being formed to discuss the benefits of talking in circles. Could this be a plot for collecting the Friars?<--And have it completed by tomorrow? No way <--How long do you think it takes to gather people? Martha (Flunk Day planner) is gone for the weekend and will not be returning until late monday... she wouldnt miss Flunk Day <--Flimsy excuse. Being out of town until "late monday" could just be intentionally misleading. Also, since when does the entire day require a single person? It doesn't matter where people were or were not. It matters where they ARE. Right now. Until much later. Find them. Watch them. Do you know Seniors? Watch them. Do you have high tech GPS tracking devices? USE THEM!<--See, this is how people develop a creepy image. Does flunk day warrant legitimate stalking? I just saw PETE WENTZ of Fall Out Boy spotted at Jimmy John's ordering a #6. TMRW IS FLUNK DAY!!! There is no such thing as Flunk Day. It's all a scare to make students not study, and fail exams (like the one in Scott Sunderland's class monday) Flunk Day is Wednesday. <--First that test is easy, second Flunk Day is REAL and BE PREPARED CAUSE IT'S THE 26th!!!! Tank wrote this^, and he is stupid. tomorrow is flunk day - sorry dude. false Pete Wentz!? *Phish* I just saw Brian Wilson walking a dog down Monmouth Boulevard. It is flunk on the beach, after all. That guy really gets around..... While making my stirfry Keith confirmed that tommorow is indeed flunk day!!! ^^^DO NOT BELIEVE ANYTHING TANK OR SOMEONE FROM SEYMOUR TWO SAYS....they lie... Henry also said tomorrow is Flunk Day. Just in! Abe Lincoln and Stephen Douglas impersonators were spotted inside the Broadview Cafe eating a Horseshoe and Mexican Skillet. When asked why they were staying at the Ramada Inn "Douglas" claimed that he has an engagement at Knox on Monday. "Lincoln" told me to go to Romantix and buy some rush. I just got a text message from Xavier, former dean of the college, and he confirmed that flunk day is in fact tomorrow!!!! 8:59pm Lots of mysterious trucks drove past campus down south street Tuesday, April 27 Again, dentist story is circulating. Also, note rumor about overhearing security guards placing Flunk Day today. I've found a reasonably strong case that Flunk Day is Today. It is well-known that fake events are often added to throw off accurate predictions. Noting this, if you look at the schedule on the Knox site for the 27th [1] , you will note that there is a Softball game at 3:00 and 5:00 at Eureka College. Knowing that fake games have been created before, I looked on the Eureka College site. Their softball schedule [2] has no mention of any game with Knox after April 9th, let alone on the 27th. Yes, it could be a mistake, but note that the 2 games on the 27th are separately posted, making a mistake less likely and malicious intent more probable. <--- Wow you fail, there is totally a game against Knox at both 3:00 and 5:00 against Knox on the Eureka site schedule [3]. I figured out why you were wrong, you were looking at the 2009 schedule and results, not the 2010 schedule.<-- Tsk, you ruin my fun. ;P Wednesday, April 28 Facilities members suspect this day? 2 possible conflicts (though not necessarily excluding this day) are a confirmed home baseball game and the McNair Fellow Proposal Presentations. Numerous residents in Hamblin Apartments woke up on April 25th with "Wendísimo" written on their dry erase boards. As mostly seniors live in Hamblin, could this made up word be a hint that Flunk Day is on Wednesday??? Thursday, April 29 Nothing has really been said about this day. <--- I have an exam, Flunk Day has to be today. The Men's Golf Team will be at Conference in Rockford. Flunk Day is not today.<-- Golf has been screwed before, it can be screwed again. <---not twice in three years... not to mention that it's been confirmed by a senior (as in experience, not year of college) dining services employee that flunk day is not on a day that golf is gone. BOOYAH. Sorry but Flunk Day is Monday, the 26th.
Wednesday, April 28
Thursday, April 29
June
Clearly the administration will wait until senior week to hold Flunk Day, thus saving all of those budding alcoholic underclassmen from alcohol poisoning. <--LOVES IT!
