Flunk Day 2013
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Contents
Was 2012 The Final Flunk?
October 1, 2012 There was a large ring around the moon. No flunk day. <--- CONFIRMED. That shit was wack.
November 26, 2012 Xavier spotted with his 6-footer bong ("water-pipe" to undergraduates). Last year he was spotted hopping off a train car full of bums, holding his 6-footer, ripping his shirt off, and screaming "FLUUUUNK" so loud he shattered the Gizmo Patio and killed the lower branches on many trees, which explains both the replacement of the patio and the removal of a good amount of beloved foliage. This year, though Xavier is almost forgotten among the younger generations of Knox, he made a glorious comeback by returning today with former President Roger Taylor (also unknown among young Knoxians) in a stretch Cadillac limousine. Reports indicate the limousine "rolled up" to the Seymour loading dock where, bongs in hand and enveloped in smoke, Xavier and Roger emerged, tipped their purple leopard-print hats at Helmut, and simultaneously exclaimed, "FLUNK DIGGETY, MOTHA FLUNKAS," before entering the steam tunnels where they are to remain until the sacred Flunk Day rituals commence.<-----CONFIRMED!!!!
December 19, 2012 A few days before the end of the world, crows were spotted on campus NOT BEING OBNOXIOUS. Ladies and Gentlemen, the final flunk was definitely in 2012.
March 4, 2013 Roof falls off of Neal.
March 5, 2013 Flunk season is fast approaching. Ready your skepticism and flunk day stashes!
March 15, 2013 18-Wheel truck spotted on N Henderson. FLUNK DAY TOMORROW CONFIRMED!!!!
March 27, 2013 John Dooley says flunk day PROBABLY won't be on a friday. Could he be lying to us? <----John Dooley is a KNOWN LIAR <----Regardless, a friday is unlikely.
March 28, 2013 Official Tim Kasser Flunk Day prediction: April 26. The second mention of a Friday this Flunk Day season. This could be huge.
8:04 p.m.: Kaitlyn Duling spotted in Gizmo discussing secrets with Union Board members. Secrets of FLUNK????
March 29, 2013 Went to Master Stirfry. Got a fortune cookie and it said 'Behold! Andrei Papancea might be one of the flunk day planners'. ---> THIS COULD BE HUGE ----> Andrei Papancea went to Vegas for spring break. The Killers are from Vegas. Coincidence? I THINK NOT! ---> Fellow Union Board member Arnold Salgado went to Vegas with Andrei. IT WAS TOTALLY A SECRET FLUNK DAY PLANNING SESSION. ---> Andrei's response to these accusations: "Muahahahaha." Smells fishy...
Flunk Theme 2013
The Flunk Day Theme of 2013 is SPACE. Fact: Flunk Day will be replaced by Flunk NIGHT.
Flunk Predictions
Senior Anna Meier has a series on The Knox Student's website to predict flunk day. You can follow that here: http://www.theknoxstudent.com/editors/
April 1
At approximately 9:47 p.m, Jessica Howard was spotted in a groutfit while going into the Quickie. She may or may not had been struggling to stand up straight and trouble staying clothed. Is she possibly stocking up on booze for Flunk Day tomorrow? CONFIRMED THIS COULD BE HUGE!
April 3
All Union Board Events are scheduled for a Friday or Saturday. Smooth move giving us no clues from the UB schedule, Planners.
10:11 a.m.: TKS rumored to be making the Flunk Day issue tonight. Flunk Day is tomorrow.
April 8
First all-nighter of the term. Flunk Day swiftly approaches.
Flunk Day Friar Email sent out- this is the first time in my time here in these glorious lands that they have asked for sign-ups for Friars. Something is fishy.
The Flunk day planners seen together at the caf and immediately after at Post Lobby talking.
Freshman will have had their mandatory Flunk day suite meetings by Thursday of this week.
April 9
Saw Regina Rosenbruck on the west side of Galesburg walking alone by the sandwich shop on Main. Flunk Day is confirmed tomorrow. And its being catered cause caf food tastes like the inside of a pigs asshole.
The caf got large shipments of frozen cookies over the weekend, including seven extra boxes of the same flavor. Possibly preparing for Flunk?
April 11
T-shirt email sent out. Today is not flunk day, but tomorrow IS.
Andrei Papancea seen in a mirror at The Landmark. Shenanigans.
April 14
10:34pm - Hodor confirmed as musical act. I hope he plays "Hodor", it's a classic.
April 15
Regina and Kaitlyn were seen buying their flunk day stashes this weekend, FLUNK DAY IS THIS WEEK!
First day selling Flunk Day shirts!
5:27pm - Monday is Flunk Day. <--- CONFIRMED!
5:55pm - Prayer to the Flunk Gods of El Dia De FLUNK:
"Oh gods of the ether, gods of the Flunk Bring us this day our daily dunk of righteous catharsis and nightmarish rhymes so that we remember these drunk, dirty times."
6:07pm - I got the Walmart card from Cindy for an event this weekend, but she never said it was due on Monday. SHE ALWAYS SAYS. IT CANNOT BE DUE ON MONDAY BECAUSE CINDY IS GOING TO BE FLUNKING HER DAY AWAY!
6:40 looking at the weather forecast for the next 10 days... tomorrow? Only a 20% chance of rain and 60 degrees. Sounds like Flunking Weather.
7:05 PM. My friend works in the caf, and he overheard two ladies talking about tomorrow's schedule and how they need to fill an early shift tomorrow. The kitchen manager lady was nominated, but she said "There's no way I am going to come in THAT early tomorrow. It's way to early and Helmut can get someone from the Gizmo or something..." She obviously knows that Flunk Day is tomorrow and doesn't see the need to come in when it's FLUNK DAY. <------ also, there seem to be a lot of extra buns. ... and cookies!
7:27pm: Lincoln Fest is next Saturday. . . isn't Flunk Day usually within a week of that? <- And Earth Month events are primarily the following week, so early this week seems golden.
7:54 p.m: Any status on the mud pit and/or planners?? <-- Where are our trusty seniors!? Homework or Hogracing?
8:12pm: SPIES
8:27pm -- I JUST REALIZED THAT THE SIGN UPS FOR FLUNK DAY FRIARS IS THE FIRST TIME THAT HAS HAPPENED AND SO THAT MEANS THEY NEEDED TO KNOW ASAP WHICH MEANS THAT FLUNK DAY IS TOMORROW BECAUSE IT IS AS SOON AS IT CAN BE WITHOUT INTERFERING WITH EARTH WEEK AHHHHHH START DRINKING! <-- Dude they haven't even had a chance to sell t-shirts or send out the safety e-mail... <+++++ SO!? THEY CAN SEND IT OUT ON THE DAY OF! THEY ARE OBVIOUSLY DOING THINGS DIFFERENTLY THIS YEAR!! NO JIL GATES, NO SYSTEME!! ... Calm yerself.
8:41p. 
Flunk day is not today
But we did read this in an email from Deb Southern:
"The clock is ticking . . . let’s make sure that we work together to ensure that future generations of Knox students will have the opportunity to experience Flunk Day."
SAFETY EMAIL SENT OUT. The season of Flunk is upon us.
April 16
Dear Conger/Neal, WHY IS THERE NO FUCKING MUD PIT YET?!?! Flunk day is just around the corner and there is no progress. Step it up quads! Plus, the fact that it might rain again will make the digging easier and more fun.
April 22
Meatless Monday. Meatless Flunk Day? <--- False. Meatless Monday is a confirmed Earth month event. <--- Helmut is distracting us from the truth. The only way he would agree to such a dramatic change in his schedule is if he knew it wouldn't actually happen. #FlunktheEarthDay.
April 25
This was the day that was supposed to be Flunk last year. It was sunny, it was warm, and there was a good scare, but everyone ended up walking around looking depressed because it was not Flunk. How clever would it be of the planners to give us the Flunk we've been waiting for?
April 26
Official Tim Kasser prediction.
April 29
The last two Flunk Days were on May 1 and 2. This week seems to be golden. But might it be earlier this year? Or later? <--- the school year goes later this year Flunk Day could be later. <--- Highly likely. <-- But Amott is concerned with the aesthetics of the campus and its marketability, so she may want it earlier to clean up before the late spring and summer round of school visits.
April 30
There is a Caxton Club speaker coming from Nevada on this day, but who cares about Nevada?
This is Max Potthoff's birthday. Obviously it is Flunk Day.
May 7
There is a 65% chance that Flunk Day is before May 7. So sayeth the Gods of Flunk. <--- My Honors defense is May 7. My committee says I have to defend regardless of Flunk. There is only one way to deal with this possibility. <--- Be drunk all the time?
May 8
Date of UB music event changed to May 8th from the 11th. <---Moved due to a Knox Dems event that day
Liz Carlin-Metz, Professor and Smith V. Brand Endowed Chair in Theatre Arts, told her directing class that Flunk Day should be on May 8. And thus our queen has spoken, and so it shall be. <--- it's true the theatre professors wield more power than you might think <--- Not that much power. <--- no it's true it has to do with the scheduling of theatre plays and stuff. they're doing like a new play carnival they have to have the schedule so they can plan when the plays are gonna be. <--- Not confirmed. <--- no, it's true i talked to this girl who is in the New Play Carnival! <--- Liz is ruler of all and the godmother of empress Blue Ivy (as well as BFFs with her mother The Queen Bey so that they may bask in each others fabulosity and be drunk) and therefore holds all of the power. She also holds the unofficial title of the Petting Zoo Keeper at this New Plays Carnival.
