Zombie

The exact definition of a Zombie is disputed amongst analysts, but there are a few parameters that must be filled in order for something to be a politically correct Zombie. (1) They must eat human flesh. If the supposed zombie must be fueled by the blood of the living. (2) Living humans must be able to be infected "zombism" somehow, allowing them to turn. (3) No zombie can have serious intelligence outside of feeding. There are several major points that must be raised about disagreements and dissolutions to the definition of zombies: -Whether a zombie is necessarily devoid of a soul. There have been hints that some memory may remain after the turning. -Unlike vampires, and zombies are not "undead". They are reanimations of corpses, and must be killed before turning. Even when someone is merely bitten or scratched, death must occur before turning, or the zombie theory is void. -The "zombism" that is passed from person to person is a mystery, but we have some insights: In Night of the Living Dead, zombies simply awoke as they were postmortem. In Resident Evil, "zombism" was spread through the T-Virus. -28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later are NOT zombie movies, but they rule.

Zombies RULE! Oh, and eat flesh.

Zombie Contingency Plans

You should probably have one.

Hipster Contingency Plan

The studio of WVKC, on the fourth floor of GDH. The studio is one of the highest elevations on campus (as Night of the Living Dead taught us, basements are bad business) and is equipped with multiple locking doors and lots of heavy machinery. If all else fails, you can play LPs by Herb Alpert and the Tijuana Brass until the zombies get annoyed and go away. Beware, though: the lounge can only hold so many people.

Four-Name Suite Contingency Plan

Originally designed for use in Simonds 2, this plan has the advantages of allowing continued access to running water, toilet facilities, and alcohol. Bedframes and other furniture may be wedged against doors to make them impossible to open. This is especially effective with the bathroom door. The suite door opens out; however, if properly locked, it is sufficiently heavy to prevent most zombie intrusion unless they have extraordinary coordination. Ideally, some ideal use of furniture would be conceived so as to free up a stairwell for escape to the third floor. In the event that the suite itself is breached, the door-wedge procedure may be repeated with individual rooms.

Code Yellow Contingency Plan

In the event that zombies breach the Yellow apartments, all residents are advised to move to Yellow #1, where Brady Myers and Stefen Showers have amassed a small cache of weapons in the weapons corner. From there, residents will travel by car to the National Guard Armory just outside of Galesburg.

Preferred Weapons

There is some level of debate about which weapons are ideal for fighting off zombies. Some options, such as explosives or incendiary devices, are highly effective, but are also dangerous to their users and are limited in supply. Firearms, chainsaws, and other weapons also have their advantages, but rely on resources such as gunpowder or gasoline that would likely be limited in a major zombie attack, especially if one has fortified oneself into a redoubt. Furthermore, Residential Life and Campus Safety are not likely to look kindly upon a stockpile of explosives, firearms, chainsaws, and gasoline, no matter how impending the zombie invasion is. Therefore, most hold that some durable and easily wielded type of melee weapon is ultimately necessary, at least as a backup weapon. In some cases, it may be the only option available. One should ideally amass a variety of weapons for use in all situations, including both long-range and melee combat.

Weapons in Order of Effectiveness

Explosives
Chainsaw
High caliber firearms
Low caliber firearms
Melee weapons
Bare fists