Steam Pipe Network

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The Steam Pipe Network on campus, which heats most of the buildings, consists of a network of underground tunnels snaking around to the various buildings on campus. It is often easy to detect them because the heat from the steam quickly melts snow above them in the winter and kills the grass in other months. Evidence of their existence is all around campus, including ventilation caps (the squat concrete structures near the Seymour Loading Dock and elsewhere) and locked entrances. Very few have had the opportunity to enter them. Mark Munoz is rumored to have first-hand, working knowledge of the network.

For Commencement 2007, Facilities Services installed new sod to repair the lawn damage done by the steam pipe under South Lawn.

Tunnel Destinations and Entrances[edit]


  • The underground steam pipe network beneath Knox serves to conduct heat between the nuclear power plant at the edge of Knox and the rest of Knox. This facility has been linked to outbreaks of radiation, turning several students and faculty into radioactive zombies. They remain in the pipes and tunnels beneath campus, lurking under Old Main, Post, and Longden. They have reportedly eaten several first years. If sighted, the zombies must be shot in the head to destroy the brain.
  • The tunnels are a subterranean network allowing the Tequila Monsters to escape from their secret underground lab in the SMC sub-basement once a year during Flunk Day, causing drunkenness and hallucinations on a massive scale.
  • They lead to a hidden underground military bunker, and eventually through an interdimensional portal known only as 'the Pumphandle'.
  • They are the result of a Cold War-era excavation attempt by Monmouth College to undermine the foundations of Old Main.
  • They store the untold numbers of bongs, pipes, and bowls confiscated over the years by Campus Safety in a hidden warehouse, ala-Raiders of the Lost Ark.