Flunk Day 2009

Fuck you, collegians!

Track the (sometimes) elusive Flunk Day throughout Spring term.

Maximizing Your Flunk Shui

A significant theory exists that Flunk Day is not a fixed date that occurs inevitably. Rather, it is the result of an amazing display of personal willpower, summoned subconsciously by an individual exhibiting a profound amount of good Flunk Shui.

Keys to maximizing your Flunk Shui:

1. Don't update the Wiki Fire. Doing so only increases the likelihood of your updates being Seen, and as a result, Flunk Day may not occur.
2. Don't e-mail Xavier. Don't e-mail Pam. Don't stalk Pam. These people have everything to do with Flunk Day, and Flunk Day may not occur if you demonstrate any clear signs of Knowing it will be Flunk Day.
3. Do e-mail Jenny Davis. While she also has nothing to do with Flunk Day, she's very personable and lively in her e-mail correspondence.
4. Try talking to people you wouldn't normally talk to. "He's an asshole. I know him, even though I don't know him." becomes "Hey, what's up? Flunk Day tomorrow?"
9. Consider, briefly, the fact that logic does not exist & therefore natural progression does not
5. Flunk Shui isn't something you can attain. You either have it or you don't, kid, and frankly if you've reached point number five by now you ought to be on to something.
6. The maxim "Flunk Day is Tomorrow." as well as "Flunk Day is ALWAYS Tomorrow" are foolish. Those with true Flunk Shui know that Flunk Day is a day that happens once a year at Knox. It's usually always a surprise.
7. Don't think about Flunk Day. Don't think about Flunk Shui.
8. Just breathe, and watch the world breathe. Read some Romantic poetry, perhaps. Exist.

NEW E-MAIL TO SENIOR CLASS CONCERNING FRIARS!!!

E-mail received Tuesday, May 5th, 1:43 PM:

From Jenn Snider:

Attention Seniors: Think you should be a Flunk Day Friar? In order to make the selection as fair as possible, we want you to tell us why you deserve to be a Friar! Let us know how you're involved on campus, what you'd bring to being a Friar, and anything else you think we should know! Creativity is encouraged!

Submissions should be no longer than one paragraph and must be received by Friday, May 8 at noon. To apply, DO NOT HIT REPLY! All submissions MUST be sent to jsnider@knox.edu to be considered.

--

What does this mean? Obviously, it's a scam: Flunk Day is tomorrow, and this is meant to have us think it can't be before the end of the week.

An IMPORTANT MESSAGE about using this page!

Hey all of you lovely wiki users, it's time we had a talk about talking. I've bet you've seen people talking to each other using something like this:

It's flunk day tomorrow! <------ You're a moron! <----- Fuck you!

Well this really mucks up the page. You see, we all want to keep tabs on Flunk Day, so we need to keep our info clear and free of this kind of stuff. But there's a solution! See the "discussion" tab at the top of this page? Go there! Go on! Go to it! Use it to discuss, berate, argue, call out, insult and congratulate.

But please, please let's keep THIS page pure. Let it be full of quality 100% unadulterated flunk day information. The better it is the better our odds of figuring out just when the mysterious day will be.

--Mattbaker 15:07, 30 April 2009 (CDT) <------ Pussy!

Flunk Day Map! Track shit!

Track suspicious locations and clues around Galesburg. Place a pin and a description. Open to all (have to log in with your gmail account).

To the map!

When Do YOU think Flunk Day will be?

A handy poll!

http://www.learnmyself.com/poll3981x320049Da

Is it Flunk Day yet?

Traditionally, close monitoring of lawn-mowing and the whereabouts of potential friars can lead to a general impression as to when Flunk Day may occur. However, this year the student body can take extra steps to ensure they know, without a doubt, when Flunk Day might, perhaps, possibly occur.

Admissions

A more accurate prediction may in fact be possible if there exists a member of the Admissions Office (student Ambassadors will do) who can relay details about the touring/visitation schedule. Empty days are less likely than one would think. Days involving large groups of guests from one location (ie. school or youth groups), and days where descriptions of visitors are mildly vague, are more telling. Large groups and vague visitations have been known to be scheduled on the big day, such was the case on Flunk Day 2006.

EMT class

The EMT class does not know, nor does the ambulance service. Having taken the class last year and now currently employed there, seriously...they don't know and I'm extremely upset about it.

Online calendar additions

For those who check the Events Calender daily (as all Flunk Day enthusiasts should) be sure to notice any changes that occur in the schedule from week to week. It will probably be most effective to memorize every days' events for the months of April and May each morning before class, so that detection of said changes may be easier.

Note that the calendar is not bound by the honor code; some events may be made up. Additionally, even though a sports event may be scheduled, Flunk Days have occurred when the softball team has had a game, or the golf team has had a tournament.

Helmut

If, by some chance, you happen to be out getting drunk with Helmut, try asking him when it is.

Parking lots, and Residents

On occasion, several large vehicles (trailers and such) have been spotted in parking lots around Galesburg, the day before Flunk Day. If you have a car, its best to do a scouting of the large parking lots around town daily. Often the residents of Galesburg get an idea its Flunk Day before the campus does. Residents have noted seeing parking lots full of these vehicles, strange goings-on at Wal-Mart, and other activities indicative of a "large drunken orgy" of sorts. When the petting zoos, and carnival equipment roll into town, the residents notice.

Pammy

Keep close tabs on Pam. This is key. Do not believe one word that she says. she can not be trusted.

Roger and Anne Taylor

Rumor has it the Taylors are not usually around for the big day. Past absences have included trustee meetings and trips to the farm. Being familiar with their schedules can be informative. When asked today (Sunday, May 3) by a visiting student if leaving campus Wednesday morning would cause her (the student) to miss Flunk Day, Anne insisted she has absolutely no idea when Flunk Day is. According to her, she and Roger "have to work anyway, so it doesn't really matter."

Rumors & Scares

The first generally known Flunk Day scare occurred around 4:30 a.m. on Thursday, April 16. Subjects stormed Seymour and the quads with a bullhorn and a hammer to bang on what appeared to be a mini-keg. They were apprehended by two members of campus security on West St. One of the guys was a total dick about it, but the other one was cool.

Sunday, March 1

In a surprise move, Xavier and the Flunk Day Committee may surprise campus with the earliest Flunk Day ever, coming even before Winter Term finals ... Ugh. Too soon?

Sunday, March 29

Ah, the Flunk Day Season has arrived! With the season, of course, come various mostly-unfounded claims about the exact date of Flunk Day. If this is your first Flunk Day Season, do not fall into one of these common ruts when deciding on your predictions:

- Flunk Day is Tomorrow.

- Don't assume that all events on the calenders actually exist.

- Don't rely on the forecast. Rain just helps in the making of the mud pit.

- Don't believe any of the Upperclassmen. Ever.

- On second thought, do listen to the Upperclassmen. Why would they steer you wrong?

- Don't believe any of the Faculty. Ever.

- No matter what Xavier Romano claims, Flunk Day will not be on a Friday.

- The Flunk Day planners will not give you clues as to when the actual day is.

- Everything they say and do may just be screwing with you. Always keep that in mind.

Considering the semi-promising weather we have been having, and after a cursory look at a few schedules, my official prediction for Flunk Day 2009 is Tuesday, April 14th. But that's too early, really. It would probably make more sense if Flunk Day were Wednesday, April 29th, especially considering that the 14th has already passed.

Tuesday, April 14

Obviously, Flunk day was not today.

Wednesday, April 15

A precursor to Xavier Romano's official Flunk Day Letter came today.

---

[From Dean Xavier Romano]

Imagine sometime last evening, a first-year Knox student--thinking themselves rather savvy and seasoned having made it through two terms at Knox--picks up their cell phone and rings me near midnight. Just imagine that.

So...I reach for my cell--of course, thinking there is some "situation" on campus--only to hear a woman's voice asking in earnest and with all seriousness, the following (transcript of the phone conversation): Frightened First-Year (FFY): "Is this Dean Romano?"

Dean X: "Yes..."

FFY: "Dean Romano, is that you?"

Dean X: "Why yes...are you ok?"

(giggles heard in background)

FFY: "So, it is you?"

Dean X: "What do you want?"

FFY: "Is tomorrow Flunks Day?"

Dean X: "You mean Flunk Day? It's not plural."

FFY: "Yes, that's it!"

(turns to others in the room and says...)

"It's Flunk Day and not Flunks Day"

(laughter can be heard in background)

Dean X: "Go to bed. No; tomorrow is not Flunk Day--too cold and not enough Flunk Day scares. Clearly, tomorrow (today) is not the Great Day of Flunk...so, go to bed, do what it is you do, but know that Wednesday is not Flunk Day."

FFY: "Thank you, Dean Romano. You're telling the truth, right?"

Dean X: "Go to bed. On something of this magnitude, would I lie? No--mislead, reshape, rephrase, misquote, or omit intentionally...possibly. Lie? No."

(phone hangs up) But I am reminded to share with one and all Knoxies who dare...the Season of the Flunk has come to Knox College. Be afraid...be very afraid =-O and have a nice day!

-Dean Xavier

The Flunk clock has now started...you are so advised. More Dia de Flunk info coming your way soon...very soon indeed!

---

From this letter, we can conclude three things:

1. Xavier must get a LOT of drunk dials.

2. The First-Years are in desperate need of a committed Scaring.

3. Flunk Day is obviously tomorrow.

In honor of Dean Romano's "coy little wink" from last year... ;)

We can also conclude from Xavier's email that Flunk Day will, in fact, be on May 5. There is nothing on the calendar for May 5, and Xavier threw in the "Dia de Flunk" reference as a clue. What better day for Flunk Day than Cinco de Mayo?

Thursday, April 16th

In possibly the lamest flunk day scare ever, students living in the quads were woken up at 4:45am to hooligans with a megaphone shouting "Come outside it's FLUNK DAY!!" However, due to the fact that today is Admitted Students day, students knew that it could not be flunk day and were annoyed for being woken up at 5 am for no reason whatsoever. Robert David Carey was pissed off. --

Friday April 17

The following email was received from Dean Romano:

Today is NOT Flunk Day

Indeed, today would have been a perfect day for Flunk Day. One glance at the weather, a look toward the sky, and a touch of our Midwest wind, all tell us that today would have been a perfect day for Flunk Day. But no! Admission had to have its Open House with all the "prospies" and their parents around and we've been told to be on our best behavior.

Argue as I may as your loyal and unwavering Dean, I attempted to articulate to both President Taylor and uber Vice President Steenis that had Flunk Day happened today, we would have had 100% fall enrollment of those who were allowed to participate in the Day of the Flunk. The greatest concern, I'm told, was that the parents (aka mother and father of the prospies) would force their sons and daughters to enroll at Monmouth College while they (the parents) enrolled at Knox. Sadly, our housing is not designed for individuals of such amorous relationships that, ultimately, resulted in said prospies.

While it is true that there are those among us who disdain and dislike the Day of Flunk, such as Salleha Chaudhry and Elaine Wilson or even some professors, I am convinced that we can overrun the Villa or their offices, on call, if need be. Be aware that there are some anti-Flunk Day dissenters in our midst!

Wishing one and all a wonderful weekend. Be nice to the prospies and remember that Monday could be "El Dia de Flunk!"

-Dean X

Sunday, April 19

Deana Rutherford, Editor-in-Chief of The Knox Student, received this e-mail from Jenn Snider at 9:41 p.m. on April 19:

Deana, I was wondering when you were going to have the Flunk Day issue of the TKS ready. I know you all had started working on it a while ago, but I haven't seen it yet. I need to have it ASAP if you want it to go out on the big day. Let me know when I can get it from you! Thanks! Jenn

Deana replied to the note stating that Jenn would receive the issue by Tuesday, April 21, and asking if there was a concrete deadline for the issue's receipt. Her weaseling was unsuccessful:

As with all things Flunk Day related, all I can tell you is the sooner the better! Jenn

The week of May 3rd looks particularly suspect. so does the week of April 27th

Wednesday, April 22

Even lamer "Not-Flunk Day" scare at 7:39am, by some sillies alerting the campus that, indeed, "It's not Flunk Day!!!".

Monday, April 27th

10:03pm Group of students from Longden 1 (and Ben Robbins, and Conger 3 and Neal 2 and Bekah Bally) begin making the mud pit. Soon after, Campus Security interferes and ends the fun. Longden 1 is suffering heavy fines. Oh well, such is the life of a Knox Flunk Day enthusiast. Rub some dirt on it. Note the absence of the all male floor of Conger 1 that consists of Brett Daley, Lei Wei, Mego, Zirkle, Jordan Ball, Bill Schaefer, Alex Davis, (Cute) Bob Dempster, Matt Goedeke, Josh Livingston, Danny Stafford, and Scott Pinker. What a bunch of wusses! They should have known their responsibility upon receiving their roomming assignment for the year.

However, several hours later after security had vanished the faithful Conger/Neal residents were at it again for a good ten minutes before several assigned spotters informed the diggers that campus safety was circling the quads, and the diggers bolted. Luckily, the mud pit is now at a point where it will be finished in time for flunk day, even if it isn't worked on again until the morning of.

10:50 PM Pam's status says she is tired and going to bed.

11:30 PM Pam is heard outside of Four Name saying something about Vodka... wait, wasn't she in bed? Flunk Day?

11:44 PM Pam and another Flunk Day planner leave the Gizmo after a short meeting. Neither one got anything to eat or drink. A notebook and a laptop were sighted.

It should be noted that there are two real softball games on Monday, April 27th. Says who? Not the calendaaaaaaaaaaaaar! If you go to the sports events it does say the MWC Tournament is tomorrow morning. If you go to the Midwest Conference website the Tournament isn't scheduled until May 1-2.

11:58 PM Clown cars spotted by Kaldi's

12:15 AM Clown Cars were relocated to an empty lot near Henderson and Losey

12:38 AM 90% change of thunderstorms all day tomorrow, give it up.

12:38 AM Also, the quickie lady told me last week flunk day was this week... Apparently the school tells them in advance so they dont run out of booze/sunchips for the rest of their customers... But due to the imminent rain, its totally going to be rescheduled. Give it up.

12:47 AM Pam is seen getting into a mysterious vehicle outside of her house...wasn't she supposed to be sleeping?

12:53 AM Activity in mail room confirmed

1:00 AM Begin drinking! Today is Flunk Day.

1:03 AM Elaine Wilson answered her phone; not flunk day. So what, maybe she hasn't been picked up yet. Resume drinking!

1:12 AM This is such an elaborate scare. Love it.

1:24 AM Making of the mud pit resumes. Some Conger 1 residents grow a pair and help out.

1:40 AM Sig Nu's outside helping making mud pit!

1:40 AM Chris 'Mittens' Johnson confirms activity in the mailroon and while on his taco run also confirms sighting the Clown cars.

1:45 AM Pam is seen outside of Sigma Chi.

1:50 AM Unmarked 17-passenger vans towing trailers sighted in the parking lot of American Value Inn (Main St. by the roundabout). (Truth: there are 4 vans and only one has a trailer, and it's small)

2:05 AM Alumna (AND PAST FLUNK DAY PLANNER) Meryl Leventon spotted loading a duffel and multiple shopping bags into current senior (and SUPPOSED flunk day "hater" (didn't you wake people up last year? hmm?) Jenny Davis' car outside of Knoxcrest. Jenny did not pick up her phone when called.

2:27 AM Activity in quads comes to a screeching halt. Mud pit diggers go back to Conger and Neal. Oh well...it's been fun. Maybe Tuesday or Wednesday. Goodnight.

2:29 AM Lights still on in mail room.

2:34 AM Pam's favorite color is Kelly Green. We would have also accepted chartreuse.

2:35 AM Pam not yet asleep. Spotted commenting on Facebook, including Sam Jarvis's status update in which he claims to know when Flunk Day is. This is highly suspect. The light in her room is on!

2:46 AM Flunk Day updates are getting obnoxious.<--No, YOU'RE getting obnoxious. Zing!<----WOW I really don't know what to say back to that!

2:56 AM What is the lastest???? I NEEEEEED TO KNOW!!!!!! Does the storm really not cancel the prospects of tomorrow being the big day???

3:00 Pam Schuller is currently on Sigma Nu porch, and she may be intoxicated! I repeat, Pam is drunk on SNu porch!>--------------------This a false statement, she is in fact in my pants at the momoent.

3:03 AM I have erection. Tomorrow is definitely the day of flunk.>---------you and me both have one. >--------- Yes, but mine is bigger.

3:08 AM Investigated the sightings at American Value by peaking in the vans and trailers. Definitely looks like air compressors. Your mom's an air compressor, and if your mom is an air compressor, then tomorrow is Flunk Day fo' sho'.

3:12 AM Yeah but it is pouring!!!

3:12 AM Nope, sightings of clown cars are false (a hoax) and Pam was just hanging out at Sigma Chi. Not enough information, and it's raining. Game over! <-- don't believe it. Flunk day is tomorrow.

03:15 AM Und wenn Sie nicht gestorben sind, leben Sie nach heute....>------this is America, you need to speak American

3:15 AM I just called Jenny Davis and had phone sex. I lasted 20 seconds.

3:19 AM Santa Clause's sleigh spotted over Old Main. A notable lacking of Rudolph at the front. It's flunk day.

3:21 AM This is not even funny anymore... the truth must be told!! yea or nay already?!! >------ The sooner you sleep, the sonner you'll know.

3:23 AM We went down Henderson to search for mysterious vehicles, but got sidetracked by Taco Bell. Mmmmmm nachos <---- Doesn't Taco Bell close at 3:00am? <---- Nope, it's still open, go enjoy the delicious.

3:25 AM IGNORE ME!!!

3:27 AM: It's official! Xavier is in his office! FLUNK DAY IS 100% TODAY! <--- Duh. <----- Check if he has erection. It's the only way to know for sure.

3:30 AM: It's double official! Xavier is in his office, ripping the shit out of his 4 ft bong. (as everyone knows, Xavier's daily use bong is only 2 ft) >----- I always thought his office smelled a little off.

3:33 AM: Pam is in her room I can see her through her window reading the wiki-fire and she has no pants on love the Pam stalker club...Pam has a 4-foot long erection oh wait she is 4 ft tall.

3:54 AM: I took a hit of acid. The sky unzipped itself showing God and all of her splendor. She spoke unto me the forth coming day of flunk is tomorrow. She spoke in great length of my sexual prowess, the meaning of life, and minutely of flunk day and the festivities it will include.<----Can I buy some acid?

4:10 AM They're mowing the lawns. It's Flunk Day. <--- Wow, I didn't know Flunk Day happened that often... <--- little known fact. I'm a senior, so I obviously know. Also, a founding member of the Pam Schuller Stalker Club. We're going to have T-shirts.

4:19 AM Loading a bowl, in case of Flunk Day.

4:20 AM Smoking a bowl.

4:20 AM Bong Rips for Flunk Day <--- You've been sitting here and refreshing this page for the last 4 hours just to post that haven't you? HAHA <-- Me too! <--- It'll tear you apart, It'll drive you insane!

4:20 AM Becky W. is drinking. This is a VERY reliable sign. <- Becky gave my a BJ. This is another obvious sign.

4:29 AM Pam posts the following Facebook status update: "Pamela is about to turn off her light and go to bed" Look, I can beat you all to it! Night night stalkers. <---IS SHE REALLY SLEEPING? OR IS IT JUST A CLEVER RUSE? She lied about going to bed before. She could do it again.

The safety e-mail has not gone out yet, keep in mind. But also, what if the safety e-mail will never come?!

5:18 AM Took a drive around campus and checked mailboxes. There is *no* Flunk Dayish activity on campus (anywhere), the trucks at the Broadview hotel are still there (and dark), and nothing special was in my mailbox. Looks like today is not "El Dia de Flunk"

5:21 AM The realization that spending an entire night refreshing this page did little to complete my work or make it flunk day is starting to sink in.

5:22 AM FUCK <---- I feel ya. Oh well, back to work and lets hope it can be a little late, right?

5:26 AM Best scare ever. You win this one, Xavier. But the war is not yet over.

5:40 AM Xavier witnessed hitting his normal 2 footer for his routine wake and bake: it is officially not Flunk Day.

5:48 AM Xavier = 3,456,875. Student Body = 0. Lets just blame this whole scare on Xavier and dock him a 1 point penalty for cheating. So, Xavier = 3,456,874. Student Body Still at 0. We're getting closer...ever so closer...We'll win yet, the revolution is coming!!!

5:52 AM Yes, it will come...soon... I do however respectfully disagree good sir. 3,456,875 is the combined score of Xavier + Roger + Schlaf, of which 1,276,981 come form the times I've been busted doing coke, of which 285,396 times I was with Xavier and 356,155 were with Roger, these should not be counted. The score respectively should be 2,815,323 to 0.

5:58 AM If sleeping with a family member of any of the aforementioned individuals counts for the S.B though, the score should be 2,815,323 to 2,815,322.

6:01 AM No F-Day email, it is not today. Good scare ya'll! Lets solicit a "shamed woman of society" to bring the score to an even 2,815,323 each for a price no more than $60, we'll pay her with a bag of what ever dank Xavier uses. Xavier way be weak minded under the influence of his morning ritual.

7:17 AM - Matt Hundley declares it is Flunk Day - if only because he's got wayyy too much stuff to do today and figures that getting wasted would be a much better use of his time than graduating. Meep.

10:22 AM - New email from Xavier:

[From Dean Romano]

Last night, just before midnight-ish, I received a text message from Student Senator, Heather Kopec, stating, "I know it's Flunk Day tomorrow!" I did not respond to the Senate President "wanna be."

Then sometime around 1:00 a.m. (insomnia...what can I say?), Paige Barnum, ATP president--and just maybe the most organized individual at Knox--texted..."Lots of big vans and trailers parked at hotel on square--must be Flunk Day, Xavier!"

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Last night I had the pleasure of attending the TKE Chapter meeting...sorry, can't comment...super-secret stuff talked about. The gentlemen could not leave well enough alone and asked about 'El Dia de Flunk.'

"When is it, oh Exalted One?"

"Exalted Ones never talk."

Too cold today, but it does remind me to get the rules out soon--very soon. And check that Prairie Fire athletic schedule. We do what we can.

One thing is certain...Flunk Day is closer than you might think. Ha!

1:30 PM: A student working in the caf overhears helmut and two caf workers talking about a flunk day menu...

During 5th period, Helmut was seen leaving the Campus Life Office. Talking to Jenn Snider, perhaps?

4:00 PM Helmut is seen holding a meeting with all caf workers at the back of the caf.

6:30 PM Flunk Day planner Virginia Graves is overheard in the caf talking about the multitude of hours she must spend in the Union Board office tonight. Granted, there's a regularly scheduled Union Board meeting tonight, but she even mentioned sleeping on the couches.

8:31 PM It's raining.

8 50 pm - FLUNK DAY IS ON MAY 5TH.. 100 percent confirmed

Tuesday, April 28th

Seems like nobody actually thinks it'll be today. Well, aside from a few reports of side references and a couple of sly words from people in high places.

Let's face it, having the day of Flunk on a Tuesday would result in fewer skipped classes. Although that is the express intention of the day, it seems logical that the less classes skipped, the better academically. Whatever.

Stuart Allison has said twice, in passing conversation, that Flunk Day will be Tuesday.

Xavier Romano has said twice, in passing conversation, that Flunk Day will be Tuesday.

George Steckley has made it very clear to his European Enlightenment class that if Flunk Day should occur on a Tuesday or Thursday, they won't be meeting for class on the following day. He even printed this policy on a handout that was issued in class today.

NOTE: the events calendar for Tuesday has 2 scheduled speakers and a workshop. However, both the scheduled speakers are from nearby in IA. This means rescheduling would not be a problem. The senior class speaker forum also is Tuesday. This may or may not have any bearing on the occurrence of flunkness, but should be taken into consideration.

ALSO: Those pointing to Sherwood Kiraly's Caxton Club reading being scheduled tomorrow as evidence that it can't be Flunk Day should note that Kiraly is a Knox grad and is teaching at Knox this coming year. He could very well be in on an elaborate plot to make us think Flunk Day is not, in fact, Tuesday.

8:45 PM There are at least five or six caf workers still mulling about in the caf, looking busy and suspicious.

9:18 PM Six trailers spotted outside the Holiday Inn. It's on. Those sneaky bastards. False!!! No trailers of any kind spotted at the Holiday Inn.

9:44 PM Where is Pam? Where is Jenny Davis? Someone, keep an eye out for them -- if it's Flunk Day, both of them will be acting strangely.

10:01 PM Xavier has not sent out the Flunk Day safety email. How will first years know that alcohol, illicit drugs, and mud are explicitly NOT condoned by Knox College if we haven't gotten this email yet? Tomorrow's out for Flunk Day, punks.

10:06 PM Knowing Xavier's power to do anything he wants, perhaps the safety e-mail will be sent out early in the morning ON Flunk Day itself, because everyone knows the first thing students do on Flunk Day is check their e-mail to make sure it is, indeed, Flunk Day.

10:26 PM According to reliable Sophomore sources, Audrey Savage and Lexie Frensley, there are two mysterious trailers outside an abandoned grocery store, Econo foods. There is also a truck without a trailer in the parking lot of the Holiday Inn.

10:38 PM According to more reliable sources (as in 2 Juniors that have experienced Flunk Day before) there are no trailers in the Econo Foods parking lot. There is a truck sans trailer at the Holiday Inn parking lot, which means a trucker is staying at the Holiday Inn. <---Before you declare something false "experienced juniors" you should make sure to check both Econo Food lots. They were there, however empty.

10:42PM There has been a sighting of a "swirlly, carnival looking machine at Walmart" <---- honestly? i didn't even check this and i'm pretty sure that it's false. very, very false. Not necessarily a carnival ride-- we don't know what it is. http://i43.tinypic.com/25ahor4.jpg

10:52 PM Suspicious truck with trailer near jo ann fabrics and crafts. (what truckers would park at a jo ann fabrics? can you knit and truck at the same time?)<----- I bet some truckers knit.

10:56 PM There is nothing, repeat, nothing at the high school.

11:04 PM Trailers parked in the Econo Foods lot (on E. Main, not Henderson) are CONFIRMED BUT EMPTY. Leigh Ann Johnson and Sam Bernstein found them open and proceeded to investigate. No dice.

11:23PM Seniors Sam Jarvis, Kim Anderson, and Elaine Wilson spotted walking north on Academy with several glow sticks...they were walking very quickly. Hey, aren't AnSo senior research rough drafts due tomorrow? Shouldn't they be in the library?

11:35 PM Right off Seminary Street there was witnessed a large yellow disc with a blue center (a large spinning wheel sitting on a triangle), with the markings SKS which is a mounted ball bearings company (used in carnival rides, google sks amusement). It looks as though it cannot be an industrial machine, being far too cheery http://i43.tinypic.com/25ahor4.jpg <PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTOSHOPPED PHOTOSHOP PHOTOSHOP PHOTOSHOP FOTOSHOP FOTOSHOP FLUNK DAY

I took this picture. I can assure you it is NOT a carnival ride. Where's the rest of it and why is the rest of the trailer empty? Also why are there no other carnival type rides nearby? Stop acting like you know... drive out to Walmart (the new one), take your own damn picture, and then talk.

Second photo taken by Leigh Ann, Nikki, Matt, and Steph: http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs005.snc1/2812_1161389915416_1247869812_30441532_445274_n.jpg <- We walked up to the thing, climbed on it, and still have no clue what it is. <-- Known nerd and physics major Jon Pierce-Ruhland confirms it to be an industrial-size pulley. Not a ride... sorry

11:45 Velociraptors were spotted accosting seniors Sam Jarvis, Kim Anderson, and Elaine Wilson. Flunk Day may be cancelled due to this tragedy.

11:48 No Pam updates or spotting...SHADY

11:49 Quite right! Pamella Rae Schuller and Jennifer Beth Davis, Flunk Day hiding "wanna be's," are notably ABSENT from campus. If anyone sees Jenny and Pam, corral them and interrogate them! - Jenny has nothing to do with flunk day! We should all follow Pammy AND Alex Clark...keep a look out of midget and Alex spottings.

11:56 PM Jenny Davis updated her facebook status 16 minutes ago (not from a phone of any sorts because the little phone icon wasn't by it) so she is clearly somewhere with a computer.

12:01 AM No idea what computer Jenny's using, but there's clearly some serious planning going on. Anyone in Founders? Is she on her Macbook? Is she using Mike Giese's computer?

12:02 AM Sherwood Kiraly, Caxton Club Reader for tomorrow, spotted leaving campus life office with Jenn Snider WITH A FLUNK DAY T-SHIRT. FALOSE--Jenn Snider is with the finance committee, in the senate office, as they are meeting to determine club budgets and they began at 6:30 this evening. <---- and they're still there? sketch... jordan kratter answered his phone during the meeting. Confirmed that the meeting is still ongoing. Yet picked up during the meeting... not 5 mins ago.

12:05 AM ^Can you confirm? This could be huge.

12:10 AM Seniors Mike Dooley and Sam Jarvis, both friar candidates, could not be reached. This is of course proof of nothing.

12:14 AM Jenny Davis has been on AIM (JappyJenny) for the past 50 mins. of course proof of nothing.

12:15 AM IS THE SHERWOOD KIRALY THING FOR REAL?

12:20 AM Velociraptor spotted devouring Sherwood Kiraly. Caxton Club definitely cancelled. <------- can we get confirmation, this could be huge <------velociraptors have moved on, definite teeth marks on bones. Compsognathus now eating remaining flesh, watch out for those ankle biters.

12:26 AM SHERWOOD KIRALY PEOPLE, SHERWOOK KIRALY!!! CONFIRM!

Sherwood Kiraly is not a woman fools! Correct. The man leaving campus life was mustachioed and a little goofy-looking. Someone told me that that was him.

12:37 technically he is only a small pile of bones now.

Pam Schull...Schulle... Pam S. was overheard talking about getting drunk tonight earlier today (Monday). So, there's that. This proves nothing. It's Pam.

12:34 Light turned on in Old Main, turned off 4 minutes later

12:40 AM Lights flicker in fieldhouse.

12:40 AM Somewhere, someone on Knox campus is getting laid, and others are updating Wikifire. <---- Some can do both at once, you know. <------- most are refreshing Wikifire. I actually was getting laid at this time, funnily enough.

12:41 AM ^Jenny Davis on a mysterious computer and AIM, perhaps doing both.

12:51 AM Campus security officer spotted leaving caf. Minutes later, a different campus security officer entered. The kitchen was dimly lit.---Clearly, someone is running an underground prostitution ring in the Knox kitchen. We should probably refrain from eating anything prepared there. Good advice in general, actually.

12:56 AM Car seen leaving the seymour loading dock from sellew

Earlier this evening: Two students buying a lot of chasers in the c-store spoke candidly with the woman there about flunk day (hence the need for chasers). she said that all the food service staff get calls at 4:30AM the day of flunk day.

1:02 AM This page has been accessed 5,898 times.

1:05 AM Michael Sales [WHO IS IN INDIANA WORKING ON A PAPER, but would much rather be leaving Cherry Street with Erica Jaffe] and Erica Jaffe [Erica Jaffe is in Canada] were seen leaving Cherry Street Bar and Grill with Dean Romano. Methinks flunk day preparations were underfoot... Also has anybody seen Pammy?

1:08 AM Finance Committee recessed for the evening; to be continued on Tuesday night.

1:08 AM Pammy drank a hot tea concoction (no alcohol, I checked) to make sure she doesn't lose her voice. Then she took tussinex and went to bed. NOT FLUNK DAY. (She could have lied though!)

1:23 AM ABOVE POST IS A RED HERRING MADE BY FLUNK DAY PLANNERS. PAM JUST SPOTTED HEADING TOWARDS WALLACE LOUNGE AREA. actually, PAMMY HAS NOT LEFT HER HOUSE! We are watching.... (There is always the possibility of bilocation.)

1:23 AM Erica Jaffe contacted and is not in Galesburg. NOT FLUNK DAY.

1:23 AM 5 different semi trailers were found in 4 different locations: One at Econo Foods on Henderson, which had a cab attached; One at Route-66 Gas Station on Henderson, which didn't have a cab attached; Two at Econo Foods on Main Street, both of which had no cabs attached; One that was mentioned before at the JoAnn parking lot, which did have a cab attached. Every trailer belongs to a different transportation company across the midwest, and even the two in the Econo on Main lot are different companies. Also, the Econo Foods on Main Street has a sign that clearly says, "No Parking Anytime," but according to one junior who's been very observant, the trailers have been there for a few days. Why would they be there if they weren't leaving sooooon? <-- The two trailers parked in the Econo Foods lot on Main have already been confirmed to be empty. They were left unlocked by whomever owns them.

Semis always park in Econo Foods and JoAnn. If you looked around town more often you'd know that. Also, a truck driver in a hotel is hardly a sign of carnies, they sleep in trailers.

Also, a semi cab was seen at the Holiday Inn on Main by Hy Vee, which is odd because semi drivers usually just sleep in the cabs and the hotel is only about a mile from the Econo on Main where the two cabless trailers are parked.

The trucks and trailers at the America's Best Value Inn on the square can be confirmed, but they're more likely just railroad staff.

Also spotted was a truck carrying industrial fencing, such as that used for livestock (aka mechanical bulls or maybe even pony rides!) Probably destined for a farm.

Obviously these are very spread out, but a townie student has confirmed that that is more semi action than comes through here regularly, and in general the hotels aren't this full on a random Monday night. The rain is probably deterring truckers who would normally press on.

1:48 NO PAM HAS BEEN SPOTTED. Where is Pam? It is like where's Waldo but funnier cause she is a midget! She MUST be off with the Friars! Or getting ready for the Friars! Seriously, nobody has seen her all night!

1:51 AM Pammy is in bed watching TV. Flunk day.

1:57 AM Pam is on Facebook chat. Jenny Davis nowhere to be found. Could she be rounding up the Friars? (Jenny Davis has been heard in the area of Sigma Chi by two students doing homework. She apparently claims to have nothing to do with Flunk Day)

1:58 AM Anyone seen Ginny Graves' status? She needs coffee. Bad. Why's that, Ginny? Got a long FLUNK DAY ahead of you?

2:04 AM Pam was only on facebook chat for a minute. Maybe she was looking up the whereabouts of a friar...

2:08 AM JENNY DAVIS seen on Facebook chat. Her status? "[Jenny Davis] has nothing to do with flunk day. stop stalking me!" Can we trust her word? Or is this a clear display of irony?

2:05 EVERYONE, Jenny Davis has nothing to do with Flunk Day. I am SURE of this.

2:24 Actually, Jenny Davis could potentially have everything to do with Flunk Day. Perhaps she's acting as Pam's gopher, while Pam lounges in her room, drinking her Tussinex and tea. Perhaps Pam's restfulness is a front, and Jenny Davis is the one pushing all the pieces into place for Pam (i.e. rounding up the Friars, etc.). So don't rule Jenny out. She would be the perfect behind-the-scenes girl: she's stealthy.

2:41 AM Spotted: Pammy rolling in the mudpit by herself. Flunk day?

3:05 AM A noticeable lack of activity, both on the Wiki Fire and presumably on campus. Is that it for tonight? Is it safe to say Flunk Day is NOT today?---It is never safe to assume this. Flunk Day will sneak up on you when you are least expecting it: this at least we should all know by now. Besides, everybody but you has already realized it's Flunk Day already. They've started drinking without you.

3:12 AM No.

3:45 AM If sunrise comes and no Flunk Day announcement has been made, is it safe to say Flunk Day is not today?<--Xavier's tricks. If there's no email get schlitzed and check again, you'll see it.

4:16 AM Loading a bowl, whether or not Flunk Day approaches.

4:20 AM Smoking a bowl.

4:42 AM I hate flunk day.

4;44 AM Flunk Day could still be today. But it probably won't be.

5:08 AM Everyone should get some sleep. Pammy is :)

5:14 AM Who can confirm Pammy's sleep? Better be sure it's not Flunk Day before you sleep.

5:48 AM Just got back from a twenty-minute stroll around campus. The caf is preparing for breakfast. No visible mailroom activity. No unusual activity. No e-mail. No Flunk Day.

5:49 AM Woke from a dream about flunk day with a boner. if thats not a sign i dont know what is

5:55 AM I woke up this morning in a hot sweat and disoriented. It took me a few seconds to remember what i was dreaming about, but it finally came back to me that I was dreaming about fulfilling one of my darkest fantasies about having sex with a midget when I was about to finish and she started to convulse and is when I woke up. Silly me, it was only Pam Schuller and it wasn't convulsions and was just her tourettes. If this isn't a clear indicator that flunk day is tomorrow, then I don't know what is.

Wednesday, April 29th

Two home baseball games against Illinois College appear on the Knox events calendar, but the Illinois College schedule says they are playing Knox on May 2nd. After careful investigation, this game was a reschedule from earlier in the season. Clearly, Knox updates its athletic calendar with more frequency than Illinois College. Even so, rescheduling may only indicate a greater chance of today being Flunk Day: after all, if it was rescheduled after Flunk Day was planned, there was no way the planners could've scheduled around it. Real or not, these games mean nothing.

NOTE: Small Housing Lottery takes place on Wednesday night. Given the important nature of this event and the insider knowledge of Craig Southern, this could indicate Wednesday is not Flunk Day. Or, quite the opposite...

ALSO, Illinois College is actually scheduled to play MacMurray college on this day, and the MacMurray college baseball schedule reflects this. Are BOTH Illinois College and MacMurray college's baseball schedules wrong? Can Illinois college be two places at once? (Cool!) Their appearance at Knox AND another college is unlikely, therefore it must be Flunk Day.

10:40 Student worker claims she saw the Caf. workers making the same cookies that were made for Flunk day last year.

10:41 There are men placing a bunch of fold up tables on the Gizmo patio. Flunk Day Wednesday?

10:55 AM: They are mowing the lawns. OBVIOUSLY, Flunk Day is tomorrow.-----> they always mow the lawns on Tuesday!

1:09 PM Pam heard outside a window in the quads talking on the phone about "a large purchase order for to-morrow" that will be picked up "between 4:00 and 4:15"...AM or PM was not specified. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

2:08 PM: Arlen Specter is a Democrat. Your Flunk Day is invalid.

2:23 PM: According to Pam, her honors defense is tomorrow. Proof that it isn't flunk day, or could this be a coverup?<--Coverup, definitely. I assume Pam scheduled her honors defense so that it would coincide with Flunk Day, thus offering a sweet coverup, plus an extra day for her to work. <-- Risky, because then she would have to tell her professors the right day and her friends the wrong day and hope that nobody figures out the discrepancy. Someone go ask Jen Smith or Neil Blackadder when Pam's honors defense is. Pam doesn't get to choose which day is Flunk Day... she just knows when it is. So it could be on the day of her honors defense... it would just suck for her. Why would she have to tell her professors the right day? It's not as if anyone's going to be like, "oh Flunk Day happened, so you don't get to do honors another day, sorry."

3:11 PM Knox theatre professor Kelly Lynn Hogan comments on Knox theatre professor Lindsey Snyder's wall saying QUOTE:

Lindsey Snyder might be the only faculty member that wants flunk day 11:10am · Comment · Like

Kelly Lynn Hogan at 11:19am April 28 Puh-lease. Don't imagine this to be true. I am poised. It's gotta be tomorrow. And, never underestimate the desire to PLAY in Craig. Flunk Day IS the reason that he BECAME faculty at Knox, after his student-days.

Is Kelly right?!

Even if she is right, that proves absolutely nothing. How would she know?

Screw it. If enough of us get drunk tomorrow morning, it's flunk day. Who's in?<-------Me, but can we get confirmation on this, it could be huge <----- Tomorrow? I want to start now.

5:04 PM Seedy adults spotted across the street from SMC. One, small, wearing a fedora. The other, rotund, wearing a goatee. <--they just stopped by in Admissions. One's an alum and the other is applying to come here. Also spotted: large, white Isuzu SUV parked outside post. Inside, grownup female examining MapQuest directions.

5:43 PM I've received news that there is a prospective students day Friday. Is that true? Would there be enough time to clean the school up before then if flunk day is indeed wednesday or thursday? <--yes, there are prospies coming Friday <-- I think they could have it cleaned up enough by then. They clean it up pretty fast. <--- it's not like the "official" admitted students day, so although there are some prospies coming, it's not as legit.

5:57 PM This is getting out of hand.

6:00 PM Mysterious girl with dark-red pigtails in the fashion of Tiger Lily from Disney's Peter Pan spotted with scruffy boy dressed as a common Townie, wearing leopard print sunglasses. Is one of them Xavier in disguise? And why were they entering a dorm in the quads? Could one of them, possibly Xavier in disguise, be rounding up a Friar?

6;05 PM CAN YOU CONFIRM? THIS COULD BE IUbfdjkbfkjbkbcv

6:06 PM Wikifire editor witnessed being mauled by a vicious velociraptAAAUUUGHHHHHH!

6:07 PM Witness to Wikifire editor's murder also murdered. Luckily I'm watching on closed-circuit TV from my secret Flunk Day Reconnoissance bunker. NOT Renaissance bunker.

6:16 PM Helmut spotted moving large folding tables from Ferris Lounge to that hallway where all the other lounges are. A student who works with food services has confirmed that there are no special events or banquets to be held in the near future...EXCEPT FOR THE DAY OF FLUNK!

6:30 PM Gina Franco, right before the ghost of Sherwood Kiraly's Caxton Club reading, confided in one of her brightest students that she "heard a rumor Flunk Day is tomorrow." Given Gina's amiable personality and networking on campus, it's safe to assume this "rumor" was probably whispered into her ear by her cat Romulus while she slumbered at 8:30 P.M. the previous night.

6:55 PM Why are you still reading this? Get out and look for clues already!

6:57 PM Craig Southern seen walking from Seymour towards Post with a large quantity of paper towels.

7:30 PM Dean Romano was seen on wikifire. Has he been updating the page with false information?

7:40 PM A phone call with one of the actors involved with Pam's Honors Project confirmed that she set Sunday, April 19th (two Sundays ago) as the date she wanted it done by. She also told the actors and crew that she wouldn't know anything about her project until Monday. This doesn't confirm that her project tomorrow is a cover up, but it does show that there's some wiggle room for her to reschedule the Honors Defense. I smell a hoaxxxxx.....

7:42 PM Student reports that a meeting with the Dean could not be scheduled for tomorrow, even though the Dean's schedule is clear...

8:08 PM Flunk Day Planner Ginny is seen walking around the second floor of the library.

8:20 PM FD planner Ginny seen pacing in the library and overheard saying that something had arrived

8:54 PM Planner Ginny, while pacing the library, explicitly states to Mike Payne, "You are allowed to drink because you're over 21 on Flunk Day, which is tomorrow" (!) <---It's always tomorrow though.. <----Why the focus on individuals? Find and confirm mass absences of seniors aka friars!

9:00 PM Pam and Randy Geary seen leaving Campus Life/Founders area together

9:01 PM Jenn Snyder and Liesl Pereira seen entering Campus Life Office and closing the door. Minutes later, they emerge, Liesl holding a stack of papers. <------ Liesl is a junior so that's not that big of a deal... keep an eye on Jenn!<-----Liesl is on finance committee and they are finishing budgeting for clubs tonight...that's why the two of them are walking around with paper.

9:13 PM Spotted: Jenny Davis and Ginny Graves getting together and making plans to walk to the apartments together

9:17 PM RA's seen putting tarps down on in their suites <--- Means nothing. RAs don't know when Flunk Day is, tarps are just laid down whenever they're given out, and last year it was a couple weeks before FD.

9:29 PM A member of the golf team stated that a.] they were fucked over on Flunk Day last year b.] the administration promised they wouldn't have to miss it this year c.] the golfers leave for conferences early tomorrow. <--Maybe the golf team should stop planning things on Flunk Day.<--------- the actual tournament is on Thursday according to the events calender. <-----the golf team is leaving Wed. AFTERNOON.

9:29 PM Rotund alumni reads this and does not like being called rotund despite in fact being rotund. He is drunk in hotel room with skinny prospect hoping Wed. is Flunk Day so that he can relive past glories and celebrate with the sprats. He has driven from MS for this. And he does admit to looking shady, as Big Mitch of Class of '99 was always shady. :)

9:24 PM Keep a close eye on Jenny Davis. Rumor has it she'll announce the dawn of Flunk Day by landing her flying saucer (SPOTTED at Wal*Mart on Monday!: http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs005.snc1/2812_1161389915416_1247869812_30441532_445274_n.jpg) in the EXACT LOCATION of the Crop Circle in the lawn between the prairie and the Caf. Jenny Davis will then produce a megaphone from betwixt her ample bosoms and issue a strident call:

FLUNK DAY IS TODAY!!!!!!!!!

9:27 PM That's what Jenny is capable of doing when Flunk Day arrives.

9:28 PM Xavier spotted sneaking into a room in the Quads holding something BIG under his arm. His 4-foot bong, perhaps?

9:29 PM Or perhaps the "4-foot bong" is simply a metaphor for none other than the Flunk Day fox herself: Pam Schuller!

9:30 PM Keep watching for details. Details.

9:36 PM RA's find out their placement for next year by email from campus life. In addition, RA posts unnecessary update on Flunk Day 2009 page.

9:46 PM Large RV with electronic equipment spotted in the parking lot at Walmart. <--- They wouldn't put the stuff at wal-mart. It would more likely be at the Best Western on main street.<--- it took up like 8 spaces! go check it out before you nay say <--- but wal-mart lets anyone park in their lot overnight. It could just be people traveling on the interstate.

9:47 Still no FD Safety email. But vicki sibley is probably still on campus since she recently sent out that ctl letter..

10:03 PM Just so everyone knows, according to Pam her honors defense is tomorrow AND her outside examiner is flying in from California. Which would make it a tad difficult to reschedule. This proves nothing, but its food for thought.

10:05 PM The website for the Midwest Conference in baseball has Illinois College scheduled to play us here tomorrow. http://www.midwestconference.org/baseball/schedule.asp Probably not Flunk Day given that...<---It should be noted that those games were rescheduled (which accounts for the discrepancy on Illinois College's calendar) which means FD planners may not have been able to schedule around these games. It's still Flunk Day tomorrow.

10:06 PM shit...

10:08 PM Kitchen staff says not tomorrow. Community Orchestra concert on the 6th has been planned since January, so not then either. Obviously they are lying. Their calendar for tomorrow is clear. I checked it myself.

10:11 PM Adam Mcdowell updates his Twitter: I'm pretty sure Pam's drunk. I just got a text message saying "Penis." Flunk Day is tomorrow.

10:14 PM Adam Mcdowell has spoken, it is truth

10:18 Ginny is seen leaving her apartment with baby nalgene, tomorrow is the day of flunk

10:22 Jobless

10:25 Knox Student off campus considers buying Amtrak ticket for tomorrow. Is this win?

10:26 Somebody who stalks people intensely is very, very jobless.

10:27 Raptors are taking over Wiki Fire <----- Stop this bullshit. It takes up space and no one cares about your idiotic ramblings about dinosaurs.<---Your complaining is both more annoying and more space-occupying. Live a little.<------This is the flunk day 2009 page, not the velociraptor page. Seriously, you're stupid.<--I have not made any updates about raptors, but usually they are entertaining. Your irrational pissiness is not.<<<<<------------ Flunk day is not tomorrow (I know for a fact), chill jobless people. <----If the flunk day wiki is too serious for raptors, I think we need to have a serious talk about loosening up.

10:27 Velcociraptors are taking over Wiki Fire <----- Stop this bullshit. It takes up space and no one cares about your idiotic ramblings about dinosaurs.<---Your complaining is both more annoying and more space-occupying. Live a little.<------This is the flunk day 2009 page, not the velociraptor page. Seriously, you're stupid.<--I have not made any updates about raptors, but usually they are entertaining. Your irrational pissiness is not.<<<<<------------ Flunk day is not tomorrow (I know for a fact), chill jobless people. <----If the flunk day wiki is too serious for raptors, I think we need to have a serious talk about loosening up. <<---....yep.

10:41 A contingency of penguins known to be velociraptor sympathizers have been spotted on campus. They are highly protective of their allies and are equipped with bazookas. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

10:49 Raptors will take over flunk day. Just be AWARE!!!

10:50 PM A velociraptor has just attacked Ginny and is now sporting her baby nalgene and iphone. TOMORROW IS EL DIA DE FLUNK!

10:58 Be nice to velociraptors on flunk day.

11:07 More details to come soon, but certain people were leaving Campus Life and they are reported to have made certain incriminating statements. Prepare your stashes.

11:15 Mysterious deletion of wikifire material...

11:18 Mysterious readdition of said material... but the part about people leaving the campus life office is missing.

11:18 Who would do such a thing? Anybody going to the dinosaur party this weekend?? Velociraptors might be there!!!

11:19 Raptors? Fuck yes.

11:34 The date of Flunk Day '09 will undoubtedly be influenced by the impending swine flu. Sunday: National State of Emergency Declared. Monday, Tuesday: Swine flu in Ohio. Wednesday: FLUNK DAY. Flunk day mudpit devoid of highly-virulent strains of terrible diseases for all!

11:37 One potentially-fake prospie visiting? No way. Not right before deposits are due. (May 1) FLUNK DAY. <- Who says they're fake? I got the lunch hosting e-mail, and the kid actually goes to Naperville North. So it's highly probable to be true.

11:40 A number of Knox students have grown exceedingly tired of the Velociraptor references as Velociraptors are extinct and unlikely to influence the date of Flunk Day.

11:36 An equal (or greater) number of Knox students have voted that all raptor-hating trolls just STFU. Raptors may be extinct, and zombies may not exist, but it helps to have a contingency plan for both.

11:50 The devolution of this wiki entry into a velociraptors/no velociraptors debate signals the lack of OCD students stalking random vehicles in Galesburg or Knox Students. Have all these would-be stalkers gotten an early start on the festivities, or is there simply nothing to report? <-- nothing to report. Typically (see previous years) the best signs start around 2 AM.

12:04 I just checked my e-mail after emailing JENN SMITH (On Pam's honors staff). I had asked if Pam's honors was Wednesday. She said Pam's honors was NEXT WEEK. CONFIRMATION. PAM DOES NOT HAVE HER HONORS DEFENSE TOMORROW. FLUNK DAY IT IS! <---I don't buy it. If Pam were using her honors as a decoy, why would she tell anyone other than her off-campus outside committee person?

12:24 AM Flunk Day 2008 was officially called at 1:46 AM. You all got 1 and 1/2 hours to figure this out, as I see it. Tfooq 00:25, 29 April 2009 (CDT)

12:27 AM Guys, it's already tomorrow in Australia. Why don't we just ask THEM? Think, people, think! <--- CAUSALITY DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

FDI approves tomorrow! Trust Them

12:42 AM ... Still no safety email........and still baseball tomorrow (according to Knox and the Midwest Conference)

12:44 AM Pam spotted pacing the Seymour gallery and lobby, on the phone.

12:44 AM Pammy is shwasted. <---possibly false, because she was just spotted in seymour, looking quite sober, on the phone. <--- well she was just spotted in our house, where she lives, shwasted.

12:54 AM SPOTTED: Pam is no longer a midget. FLUNK DAY

12:58 AM ^CAN YOU CONFIRM? THIS COULD BE HUGE.

1:08 AM Lights on in Union Board Office

01:13 AM Paige Barnum, notoriously organized favorite of Xavier, received the following text message from Xavier, " ;) " IT HAS TO BE TODAY!

1:17 AM Confirmed: Carnival rides on trailers + four large unmarked trailers at best western. looks like we beat last year's record after all. fd 2009, commence. <---Can we get some visual confirmation?

1:20AM: Does Xavier really text this many students? And if he does, anyone but me find that weird? Or am I just jealous? Also, someone gimme a pic of those rides in that parking lot and i'll buy the first round <---- he actually texts students quite often. <---- But wink emoticons? I think it's too weird to make the text/wink connection between an administrator and a student. Sounds like it could be part of a muckraking TKS article. <--Xavier is a texting machine. All the abbreves u can think of & everything.

1:24 AM Contact lost with Dee Goebel <---this is confirmed. i just called her and she did not pick up. <--- It is 1:30 in the morning, could she be sleeping? <--- do you KNOW dee? c'mon. it's flunk season. she doesn't sleep.

1:27 AM Pam Schuller is online, commenting on Shane Donegan's status, therefore not drunk. <--- honestly, someone could be impersonating her.

1:33 AM Paige Barnum confirmed that she received no such text message from Dean Romano, though her phone is unable at this moment to send text messages. Miss Barnum and her cohorts suspect that Xavier Romano himself is editing the Wikifire, however, when the IP address of the updater was traced, it returned a Knox College computer. Could Romano be on campus? <--- this was written by xavier...who else would say "miss" barnum? <--- but it wasn't. i was there.

1:36 AM Contact with Dee Goebel made.

1:40 AM Trailers/rides confirmed at Best Western. It's flunk day. <--- Pics or it didn't happen <--- Seriously though, can we get some damn pictures? <----Confirmed:

1:42 AM Paige Barnum confirmed that she never confirmed that she received no such text message from Dean Romano. She actually did. I saw it.

1:48 AM Barnum's room mate confirms that no such text message was received. She was there.

1:34 Nope,Pam is drunk.

1:47 AM Jonathan Pierce-Ruhland returns from recon trip to Best Western on Soangetaha (west of I-74). Lot is devoid, repeat, devoid of semis. Unless there's a different Best Western, no dice. Sorry folks. <----- [Keegan Siebken] also returns from trip to the same Best Western. Concurs that there are, in fact, no dice.

1:48 AM Sara Belger received a txt from Paige Barnum confirming she never received a text from the Xav-man.

1:53 AM You kids and your txts.

1:57 AM Donald Rogers is having a fucking freak-out and cannot take this anymore. He is shouting out his window on the corner of Tompkins and West.

2:00 AM Michael Leon heard trains heard coming into Galesburg. Clearly bringing Flunk Day supplies.

2:05 AM The rats in SMC basement are acting up. The animals always know first!

2:08 AM SAFETY EMAIL IS HERE!!! FLUNK DAY!!!!

2:08 AM Not really, though. Go to bed. I did.

2:05 AM Another return trip from Best Western and it is confirmed that there is nothing in the parking lot.

2:15 AM Rafay Khan is not studying. It must be flunk day.

2:16 AM J.R. SHOT IN DALLAS. MORE REPORTS FORTHCOMING.

2:23 AM Felipe Borman is going to bed. It cannot be Flunk Day.

2:23 AM We checked out the best western and found nothing, though the holiday inn parking lot had something that may or may not have been a carnival ride engine... very suspicious.

2:31 AM My kidney stone is acting up again. FLUNK DAY MOTHER FUCKERS!

2:45 AM Campus is in heat for Flunk Day

2:50 AM We just drove to the Best Western to check, and to our dismay we found no such trucks or trailers holding any sort of flunk day merriment. Sincerely, the MPs. <----No! They're at the Super 8, I dunno who reported them at the Best Western. <-- There are no Super 8's in Galesburg, dumbass! Flunk is not tomorrow everyone, always study. <----I don't know why you're so against this idea; Super 8's in Galesburg: 260 W Main St, Galesburg, IL‎ AND 37 Knox Highway 10 I-74 Exit 51 Galesburg IL, Galesburg, IL‎

3:06 AM i can haz flunk day pleeze?

3:14 AM Flunk Day was yesterday .......pumpfake?

3:16 AM Not Flunk Day, but party at my house effective immediately.

3:30 AM Knox students still wondering 'Who shot JR?'<-----I did! Twice!

3:32 AM Remember: if you show up for class/work/life drunk tomorrow, it's Flunk Day in your heart.

3:42 AM Birds could be heard twittering (not involving the website, actually making noise) outsideo f the townhouses. It is suspected they were hired in order to make us believe it is just a regular day. DO NOT TRUST THE BIRDS!!

3:47 AM It's so difficult to sort out fact from fiction. What do you guys think? Is it too late for Wednesday to be Flunk Day? <--- We never got our safety email, and there is baseball, it was never going to be today.

3:58 AM I think there is a slim chance, but it isn't likely. Honestly, if I didn't have a midterm due tomorrow I would be sleeping and not worried about Flunk Day in the least.

4:30 AM A walk around campus revealed almost nothing. There are lights on in the mailroom. But that could be nothing. There is, however, one suspicious light on in dining services. And a coat on the chair. Hmm. But otherwise, nothing. We are discouraged. But, we have hope. We still believe. Do you?

4:55 AM I suspect the trouble is not enough people believe in Flunk Day. It is going to die because not enough people believe in Flunk Day! But if you would all just clap your hands, clap your hands as hard as you're able, maybe then Flunk Day won't die. If you believe--clap your hands!

5:06 AM A car was seen driving down West St. It's FLUNK DAY! Also, *clap, clap, clap*

5:33 AM It is, almost definitely, not Flunk Day. FML.<------- Rotund alumni is saddened, but happy you sprats will have Flunk Day in warmer weather.

5:42AM But I just saw Pam Schuller walking outside in a green shirt. Surely she wouldn't be a part of a scare this early on the day of her defense if it wasn't actually FLUNK DAY!?!?!??!

5:50AM It should be noted that the Hotline says today is not Flunk Day. <------ so does Campus Safety

5:52AM Flunk Day????????????

5:54 AM Not flunk day according to campus safety, my email, facebook, common sense.

5:57 AM Flunk Day more or less ruled out for today. Which raises the question: when?! Tomorrow, Thursday, is unlikely and Friday is a virtual impossibility. So we have to replay this elaborate process of speculation, expectation, recapitulations next week? What did Mister Romano's suggestion that Flunk Day was coming sooner than we expected mean? It was a lie. A gosh darn lie.

6:02 AM Fuck whoever was in that scare, going back to bed. <---- it was mainly residents of p-house wearing last year's friar shirts. it was targeted towards the first-years (aka quads area)

6:14 AM Flunk Day, much like the cake, is a lie.

6:20 AM Well, that was a boring scare.

6:55 I have Flunk Day blue balls.

7:25 AM Flunk Day officially does not exist.

9:55 AM Super IMPORTANT AND TRUE --> Viki is typing "THE FLUNK DAY RULES" email! it should be in your inbox soon!!!!

^Can we get confirmation? This could be huge.

11:58 Your mom is huge. But no flunk day rules email yet. Inclined towards skepticism given the credibility of most information on wikifire.

2:11 PM Rules email has arrived. <-----we got confirmation. it is huge.

2:27PM (author of 9:55AM) --> There was a reason I used the word TRUE ;)....

Some fun statistics

On an average Tuesday, the Wiki Fire receives 6,000 or so "requests" (any command to the server) and 3,500 page requests. On Tuesday, April 28, there were 142,903 (see the attached graph) and 43,744 page requests.

If you crunch that, it's an average of over 105 Wiki Fire server requests per Knox student, or over 32 pages viewed per student. The "Flunk Day 2009" page has been viewed nearly 16,000 times just on its own. In the history of the site, "Flunk Day 2009" has been viewed three times as many times as the entry "Knox College".

I suppose if I were doing an independent study on "viral" media in a small community, this would be the case study of a lifetime.

Someone should find out if the number of incomplete assignments went up Wednesday... Tfooq 21:09, 29 April 2009 (CDT)

Thursday, April 30

So its Thursday. What does that mean for those members of the Knox community who can't wait to get piss drunk, baked, and then laid all within the first 23 minutes of their day? It probably won't happen today. Don't be completely crushed, 'tis possible, but Flunk Day 2008 was on a Thursday which doesn't boast well for those predicting April 30th. Moreover, the trick of sending the rules e-mail out the day before was tried for Flunk Day 2006, and it proved unpopular with many (although that year there were no major scares, whereas there have been several this year). NOTE: 2 of the past 3 years the rules email was sent out the day before; will this year make it 3 of 4? The golf team will be away at a conference, and the baseball team has two away games...which, frankly, doesn't mean shit. But, if you've been paying attention to the action on campus, you know that its probably not today. The baseball games against Beloit tomorrow are not on the midwest conference website (http://www.midwestconference.org/baseball/schedule.asp), although they are on Beloit's (http://www.beloit.edu/bucs/news.php?category=baseball). One must remember that Dean Breiteborde used to work at Beloit, though. The golf conference is on the midwest conference site (http://www.midwestconference.org/mgolf/schedule.asp), but it doesn't list who's going to be there.

Umm...the baseball game is on the midwest conference schedule (look under non-conference schedule) and Knox will be at the golf conference (http://www.midwestconference.org/mgolf/2009/MWC_MG_CP_09.pdf). Doesn't prove anything but just to get some facts straight. I dont want flunk day anymore. So annoying.!...I was hoping it'd be today........when the hell is flunk day?

Do you know what jobless means?

Raptor sighting!! http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_QC0xe56GvUo/R-xzbyGKnqI/AAAAAAAAA74/-uB2sKtAcSw/s400/raptor+korea+bond+dromeosaurus+dromeosaur+dinosaur+peter.jpg

Wed, 7:56 PM: Has Xavier scared you away from the Wiki Fire? The safety e-mail is out, people! Get on the case! IS Pam really gone to New York City? Where is Jenny Davis? Where are the potential Friars? What's going on around town? The mailroom? Union Board office? Events Calendar speculation?

Get to work! And if you can't report, then start digging the mud pit.

We the Raptors support Rome. Raptors support Egypt! -- http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51HQDCPDT4L._SL500_AA240_.jpg (beat that Rome)<-- now thats what you call archeological evidence. Raptors are here to support Egypt during Flunk Day (or any other day)

Stop talking about the raptors. I am not a first year and I have a sense of humor, but this joke is so dead a raptor could have eaten it <-- raptor attempting to hide behind a recursive call to non-raptorness.

Dean Romano might be a Raptor...or maybe not. :S

10:07 PM Flunk day is not tomorrow. go to bed. <---can we get confirmation? this could be huge <--Know who's huge? Sam Martone. You know what I'm talking about.

10:14 PM: Two students in quads just told by Pam that tomorrow is Flunk Day.<---Flunk day is always tomorrow

11:18 PM: Rabid possum spotted outside of Post obviously a harbinger of Flunk Day.

11:22 PM: No one thinks that Flunk day is tomorrow. Obviously Flunk day is tomorrow. <----- You are so right.

Sam Martone has returned to making his status updates consist of obscure song lyrics, instead of fake flunk day announcements. This must mean flunk day is tomorrow. This could be huge.

12:03 AM- Drunk Randy Geary tried to call Ashleigh Honaker '06 to tell her it is Flunk Day. He really called Ashley Witzke.

12:14 AM: 80% chance of thunderstorms tomorrow (today). Flunk Day ain't happenin'.

12:44 AM: People keep telling me that Flunk day is for real going to be tomorrow. Can anyone confirm anything? <--- if they can, it could be huge.

1:09 AM: It's not Flunk Day. Go to bed.---Can you confirm? THIS could be huge. ---That's what your mom said last night... <- nice dude, nice. ۞

1:12 AM: Entertainment company truck ("Human Foosball ... Mechanical Bulls") spotted in Knoxville parking lot! Huge! <-- CONFIRMED: cellphone video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yu_moia-oVI <------------- Saw that coming twelve miles away. Seriously though, people, this is the internet; pics or it didn't happen. <-- do people even like that video? it's awful. ۞

1:47 AM: It's raining, flunk day, this could be huge, etc.

2:07 AM: It's gonna rain today and tomorrow, no flunk day for you guys this week. Maybe Tuesday? o.o Furthermore, this shit is hilarious: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQm7YpxgOnA ۞ 4:16 AM: Xavier Romano seen evaporating back into his magic lamp after granting three wishes. None of the wishes involved invoking flunk day. The three wishes centered around drugs, munchies, and dissapearing security guards. <--- I can haz confirmation?. This could be huge. <--- Like your erection. I get it. <--- No, like epic. You stole my epic.

9:57 AM I'm getting really apathetic toward classes because Flunk Day could always be tomorrow and I desperately need a day off. I hope it happens soon or my grades will start suffering.

Friday, May 1

12:56 AM: Cuz you noobs don't know how to make a new header. Also, today is Flunk day. ۞ Can we have confirmation? This could be huge

1:10 AM: No signs of Flunk Day. No speculations. Clearly it's today.

1:16 AM: Kids (cute Bob and friend) digging up mud pits outside quads.

1:53 AM: I'll save us some time: xavier, 4 ft. bong, velociraptors, pam is drunk, pics or it didn't happen, this could be huge. okay, go to bed.

Week of May 3rd

There is a high concentration of flunk day occurrences during this week, observe:

* 2008 May 1
* 2003 May 6
* 2001 May 7
* 2007 May 8

    May 2009
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
               X  2
3  4  5  X  X  X  9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31

Further indication that, statistically, Flunk Day will fall within this week.

Sunday, May 3

In a smoke-filled haze of poor judgment, Xavier txted a velociraptor to explain that the administration had decided that, since Flunk Day is so disruptive to scheduled activities, classes, assignments and exams, it would make the most sense of all to hold Flunk Day over a weekend when no one would have to miss anything important. The veliciraptor promptly ate the phone to destroy all evidence. Friars already getting schwasted in preparation.

Monday, May 4

The annual Safety Email was strangely defensive about activities that may go on concerning Mondays. Given that May 4 is, at the time of this writing, the next successive Monday, one might be suspicious. Key evidence:

1. Fact: There are food service deliveries on Sunday evenings during Spring Term.
2. Myth: Flunk Day can never take place on a Monday or Friday...or can it?

Discuss?

Not evidence at all; both of those statements appeared in last year's email, and probably appear every year. <-- Fair enough. But it's worth keeping in mind. It is also worth noting that Flunk Day HAS occurred on a Monday in the past.

There are two away baseball games set for Monday, appearing on both team schedules. Baseball has been screwed over in the past, but it is doubtful they will miss out on another Flunk Day.

The housing lottery for large apartments is scheduled for 7pm on this day. We all know how happy Craig Southern would be about having to reschedule the lottery due to Flunk Day. <----- If there's one thing we all should have learned this term, it's don't mess with housing.

However Craig Southern loves flunk day. <----- Kelly Hogan was not mentioning Craig Southern when she commented on Lindsey Snyder's status. She was referring to Craig Choma (another theatre professor) who is a Knox alum.

IMPORTANT: Flunk Day has been renamed Flernk Day in honor of people with seasonal allergies (weaklings) who cannot properly pronounce it. Carry on.

I was working in the caf the other day and heard the kitchen staff talking about how much they'd get paid if they worked on Flunk Day. I didn't hear everything/could've misheard, but they did say something about Monday... idk, worth mentioning I suppose.

Greg W., janitor of the upperclassmen side of Post, heard it will be this Monday.

Last week, Professor Matsuda informed the students of his Japanese 210 class that "the last translation work is due Monday, May 4, 2009, whether or not it is Flunk Day."

Time to start looking for clues!

Sunday, May 3rd, 7:32pm. Pam, Ginny Graves, and Jenn Snider seen walking towards Tompkins (apartments) together - presumably going to the residence of Snider, who lives in Tompkins. Graves carrying books, and all 3 carrying bags/purses and complaining of being stalked. People don't carry their purses around unless they're doing something important or they're pretentious. Pam is not pretentious. Flunk Day is tomorrow.]

Worked in the Caf today, kitchen staff are convinced that Flunk Day isn't tomorrow. Especially since the food for Flunk Day hasn't been delivered... but remember that Xavier said they get deliveries on sunday night...

10:00pm Pam overheard speaking of above 7:32 incident. also, Pam loves to be rick rolled.

10:12 pm Randy Geary seen ordering a #2 meal in the Gizmo, as opposed to his regular Firestarter. Clearly this is a sign that Flunk Day is in fact (not) tomorrow. Don't ask why.

Also, the Political Science Department is bringing in a job candidate today. 99% sure no one in their right mind would let a prospective professor wander through campus on Flunk Day. <--- not so. english department did it about 6 years ago.

10:11 pm: Tomorrow is not Flunk Day. Do your homework, go to bed, and stop stalking Pam. <--- Killjoy. (not about the Pam stalking)

12:40 AM: Pam is laughing at and taunting the mud-pit laborers. Has she no decency?<---Have you no decency, sir? At long last? Have you no sense of decency?

1:20 AM Jill Bergantz talked to Donald Rogers, who talked to Pam Schuller and heard she was going to bed. Donald told Jill he believes Pam, and Jill told me she believes Donald. Can this telephone game between seniors prove true?

1:44 AM Pam is having flunk day in her room right now. I can hear it. Jealous.

2:15 AM Lavinia Karl and Elisa Hilderbrand are seen leaving SMC. Lavinia is staggering and appears to be intoxicated. What momentous occasion could warrant this unprecedented event? Clearly, today is Flunk Day.

2.28 AM Just saw a pack of midgets walking through campus dressed as pirates. it has to be flunk day

2:33 AM just had sex dream with a pack of midgets and Xavier dressed as elmo. <--Were Xavier and the midgets partaking of the sex, or are these unrelated details?

2:50 AM Xavier Romano is a furry? This could explain everything. Or nothing.

2:52 AM I love how no one is even bothering to speculate that its flunk day tomorrow. You're right in not doing so, of course.

4:59 AM Birds are singing, and I am still doing homework. Flunk Day would be a welcome surprise. The anticipated Flunk Day scare will not.

5:13 AM A request: Could the Flunk Day scare make its way all the way over to Exec? I could use a reason to be distracted. (Or could Flunk Day make its way all the way over to Exec? Because that'd be sweeeeet.)

Tuesday, May 5

Tuesday, May 5

"El Dia de Flunk" is for sure a convincing sign that Flunk Day could happen on this day, but Xavier is not the man to drop hints. Clear schedule yes, but perhaps we are being short sighted. We can be sure that Flunk day will not happen on a Thursday (as the day of happening tends to vary from year to year) so the prospect of Tuesday cannot be denied. However the likeliness is lessened because of the Karen Hawkinson is running an event. Don't cross Karen Hawkinson.

It is nearly certain that an apprehension of Pam, wherein she becomes inebriated and is subject to a fair amount of nitrous oxide, will reveal if May 5th is the day.

Jon Wagner mysteriously changed his ANSO 231 field trip to Cahokia from this day to the following tuesday due to an unexplained conflict..<--This is not true. The trip was always scheduled for the following Tuesday. Also, they are going to Dickson Mounds, not Cahokia.

Let's keep in mind that there is an art department field trip to Chicago on this day, and that this trip is planned in accordance with flunk day (at least, that's what has been the case every year before this one). Mark Holmes also told his Art 351 class that the Art Dept. made sure that Flunk Day was not on this day, as it would cost the Dept. thousands of dollars if students did not go on the trip (as buses are rented for the trip.)

Also, Tri Delta has the Oak Room reserved for their Pansy Dinner in which many alums are coming in. Honestly, this is a serious event and why would Dining Services book this day if it was Flunk Day? The dinner was scheduled after Flunk Day was planned, meaning Dining Services would have known they would not be available to cater the dinner because they would be busy with the all-campus picnic meals. Tri Delta requested this week for the dinner, and Dining Services finalized the day. Clearly they would not have chosen Flunk Day.

4/29, 2:54 PM: It may be a fluke, but there was a DOUBLE NEGATIVE in the Safety Email this year... I quote.

   Myth: Flunk Day and Cinco de Mayo are not one in (sic) the same...get a clue! 

Which translates to:

   Fact: Flunk day and Cinco de Mayo are one and the same...get a clue! 

Whoa. Confirmation? Check your email, Knoxians. This could be huge.

How is that a double negative? <-- "Myth .... not" is logically similar to "Fact .... is".

I spotted this, too, and emailed Xavier. Here is his response.

   "Hmmm...excellent point. I have to reflect on that.
   Best and thank you!

   Xavier

   From: Sam Martone <amartone@knox.edu>
   Sent: Wednesday, April 29, 2009 2:23 PM
   To: Xavier Romano <xromano@knox.edu>
   Subject: dearest Xavier

   Hello,

   While I am excited to see the Myths/Facts/Rules email go out, I have one concern:

   "_Myth_: Flunk Day and Cinco de Mayo are not one in the same...get a clue!"
   The way this statement is constructed suggests that it IS a myth that FD and CdM are 
   NOT one and the same, thus insinuating that Flunk Day is in fact on Cinco de Mayo this 
   year. As one of the many who believe Cinco de Mayo is not Flunk Day, can we get some 
   clarification of this myth (or is it supposed to be a fact)?

   Sincerely,
   Sam Martone, '11"

Take from it what you will.

12:46 100% confirmation from Professor Gilbert that Flunk Day will absolutely NOT be tomorrow owing to the very real Art Department field trip to Chicago. That is all.

8:30pm Are we really assuming that one field trip will stop all of Flunk Day? The field trip could still go on with Flunk Day - we just don't know if anyone will still want to go. Sports games have gone on - surely field trips to Chicago will too. Greg Gilbert does not speak for all of us!<---Anyone who would not allow Greg Gilbert to speak for them on any and every subject is a veritable Fool.

Come on people! Where's your faith?! Hasn't anyone been stalking Xavier today? Have we any plans to drive around at 2 am looking for mysterious trucks parked at the Vista motel? I demand that we stay up all night speculating and not doing our homework! Where are all the first years insisting Xavier's messages of "El Dia de Flunk" meant something!?!?! Why aren't they all drinking at this very moment? We want Flunk day! Go out (or keep updating here) and show that you want it! <--------- The point is that the field trip was scheduled around Flunk day. It's not that Flunk can't be Tuesday because of the field trip, it's that the field trip is Tuesday because it is not Flunk day.

9:46 pm. The Environmental Racism field trip was scheduled way in advance in 2007, yet Flunk Day fell on that day. The Art Department Field Trip was scheduled like two weeks ago. Either way, I'm totally down for it being tomorrow.

9:55- Santa is real. Flunk day is tomorrow.

10:30 pm - a lot of people have been saying that Pam is drunk.. a lot. Could it be that Pam carries around a flask at all time snickering to herself about how many people she is throwing off the flunk day trail. Also, if there still is said field trip, I have been told a lot that you don't fuck with the art department.. you just don't *shivers*

10 37 : Confirmed motherfuckers..THE ART FIELD TRIP IS STILL ON.. flunk day is not tomorrow

10:34 pm- G Gilbert JUST emailed me about class stuff, and if the art field trip was canceled he would have mentioned it. <--- if they announce tonight that the trip's canceled, its practically a give-away that tmr is flunk day...too easy

10:50 PM I have received a message from God (http://www.titane.ca/igod/): "All signs point to Yes." Tomorrow is Flunk Day.

10:55 p.m. - Sam Jarvis is an asshole. He texted a bunch of people "hasta manana" to lead people to believe that tomorrow is flunk day/cinco de mayo style.

11:12 p.m. - Bored from lack of velociraptors. Flunk Day must be tomorrow or death from boredom will ensue...

11:23 p.m. - Emus have gained the ability to fly. <---This could be huge! <---Get the snipers into position, they are taking over.

11:48 p.m. - Emus have kidnapped the president's daughter.

11:57 p.m. Velociraptors spotted sporting sombreros on Cherry Street. One was mustachioed and in a poncho. Indication of Flunk Day tomorrow? or just some velociraptors getting a head start on their Cinco de Mayo celebration?

12:09 p.m. Nick Paul Craig says its Flunk day tomorrow. Woohoo <-- It's AM not PM. fool.

12:11 a.m - John Schlaf sends out e-mail alerting the campus to reports of a malicious collaboration between emus and velociraptors. Flunk Day cannot be held until the situation is under control.

12:13 a.m. - Lights are off in mail room, to early possibly, boy and girl hooking up outside of mail room, clearly a sign of Flunk Day.

12:17 a.m. - God Damn those two have been at it for two hours. Get a room. <-- it appears to be Sam Jarvis and Pam. This has been confirmed.

12:32 a.m. - REPORT FROM GROUND ZERO - THE PAM SCHULLER SURVEILANCE TEAM ALPHA: Pam is sitting on her couch next to a ginger, watching the Daily Show and eating mac 'n cheese. This has been thoroughly confirmed three times.

12:36 AM - A new addition to the DSM: Flunk Day Blues, a specified form of Depression. Characterized by crabbiness, loss of motivation, exhaustion, an a tendency toward self-medication with drugs and/or alcohol. Has been observed to worsen when under the following conditions: Nice weather, an increased number of incidents of provocation of symptoms, or living with the flunk day planner (esp. when said planner is a midget).

12:38 a.m. - Good work Alpha Team! Your losses were not in vain. Beta Team, what is your status?

12:41 a.m. - Kelby Okada seen through apartment window looking at porn with Derek Hayes. It is flunk day

12:48 AM - ALPHA TEAM UPDATE: Minutes ago Pam announced her intent to retire for the evening and get some much needed shuteye. She then entered her bedroom. She has not emerged since.

12:52 a.m. - I am convinced that this site will not predict Flunk Day. Since the entire administration knows about the site, they know what we're planning, and if the past is any indication, they'll go to any lengths to make Flunk Day a surprise. For example, they now know that we check parking lots in Galesburg -- I'll bet they have the trucks stop in Monmouth or Kewanee or Peoria. Long story short, you never know when Flunk Day is going to happen -- give up. Also, Flunk Day is tomorrow.

1:00 am - Chris 'Mittens' Johnson, 'Big Baby' Ben Bowers, Muneer 'Moony Blues' Rizvydeen, Jonjon 'Jipper' P-R, Cassie Jordan, Cassie 'Socks' Versaggi, Kelly 'Romantic Linguist' Kriegshauser and Jack 'Raptor' Moore are seen grilling in the courtyards of the Quads. It's Flunk day.

1:01 am - On a pop tart run to the quickie many many bottles of booze filled the shelves. Many empty boxes littered the ground behind the counter. Upon questioning the clerk became very shifty and nervous. She spouted off a story about how many believe that the day is today but that there is an art field trip and the art department would be mad. Do people really talk that much with hte clerks or has the flunk day staff gotten to them?

1:52 am-- Duffy's bartender said that it was definitely Flunk Day today because there were Knox students in earlier in the night who commented on coming in at 7 am when they open. <------------ totally flunk day!!!!! <----this is the 9th annual chicago art field trip pre-game. Also, Steve works on Mondays and he's too tanked to remember details like this anyway.

2:50 am - Someone keeps deleting this page. Possibly a cover up (or Flunk Day has been abducted by aliens). <--THIS COULD BE HUGE.

2:58 am- Someone has been deleting this page. I came on half an hour ago and there was nothing under tuesdays date. Very suspicious. Left seymour at 2:09 am and saw three cafe ladies leaving the cafe through the rear exit. There is activity in the cafe and there is definitely cooking going on inside...you can smell it outside. Flunk Day?

3:15 am - due to projected thunderstorms wed and thurs, if flunk day is this week it is most likely today.

3:51 am- just drove down henderson street and their are 3 semi trucks hiding behind a gas station...two located in the sirloin stockade parking lot...3 in the hy-vee parking lot...one behind the YMCA....didn't look anywhere else....are they here for FD 2009?? I think so! :) <--- Pics to confirm?

4:12am - wao... really? I think it would be really mean to the art field trip if it's today. ... ( even though I do wish it is today)

4:54 am - um.. I wanna know more Flunk day news. Anyone has any?

5:10 am - employees and a few weird girls in capes scuffling about. OM dark. Dark as it gets. Also locked. Campus empty, no trucks, no sounds. And the final nail falls into the Tuesday coffin.

5:19 am - the train is mocking us. Oh well. At least some of us get to sleep in. :)

5:31 am- the email would be drifting softly into our inboxes soon...in the alternate universe where today was Flunk Day.

Wednesday, May 6

I've found the old page in the history:

THUNDERSTORMS PROJECTED. look here for wednesday's forcast: http://www.weather.com/weather/wxdetail/USIL0439?dayNum=1&from=36hr_topnav_undeclared

8:19 AM Okay seriously, lets get this straight. THE WEATHER PLAYS NO PART IN DETERMINING THE DATE OF FLUNK DAY. Again, THE WEATHER DOES NOT MATTER. They pick the date way back in like february. So thunderstorms don't mean shit<-------This is false, Weather does play a part. True, many days are chosen early in the year, however, two days before a chosen date the weather is checked...if there is projected awful weather, then that day is cancelled. Two days before Wednesday, (Monday), the weather was projected as Thunderstorms on Wednesday and Thursday.

-- Whoever wrote this is a dumb ass. Only one day is picked. It's not Wednesday, but that is NOT because of weather.<---Oh, snap! + 11:25 P.M. (Tuesday) I have recieved a phone call that tells me with 95% certainty that today will be the day of flunk. Get ready! GO! GO! GO!!!!!!!! -XZ

-- I think it's a generally accepted mater of lore that more than one potential date is selected each year due to the unpredictability of future events. While this is sensible, childishly calling someone a dumb ass without presenting logical and reasonable proof is simply immature. If you believe only one day is picked against the greater logic of the lore, state your evidence in such a way that it can be confirmed or denied. Otherwise, save name calling for the sandbox.<---Double snap!

-- On the issue of weather and Flunk Day, and this is from the mouth of Ginny Graves. They have a tentative date in February and by March they have confirmed the date. That is to say, the date is set in March. They don't do thirty day weather predictions, weather isn't part of the planning.<---If this is true, that kind of sucks. We've got showers and t-storms in our predictions until next Wednesday, less the weekend.

-- Tuesday, 2:22pm: Received the following text from a friend: "I just heard a caf worker in the loading dock say, 'tomorrow is the day....'" Concern: caf workers aren't supposed to know until the morning of. Could just be more speculation. Or not about Flunk Day. WE SHALL SEE. Caf workers have said that they know the day before or the morning of.

Anyone notice that an email was sent out to seniors asking for applications for friars? Obviously if they're just now considering who to be friars, it's not until next week.

Email sent out to the senior dist list:

From Jenn Snider:

Attention Seniors: Think you should be a Flunk Day Friar? In order to make the selection as fair as possible, we want you to tell us why you deserve to be a Friar! Let us know how you're involved on campus, what you'd bring to being a Friar, and anything else you think we should know! Creativity is encouraged! Submissions should be no longer than one paragraph and must be received by Friday, May 8 at noon. To apply, DO NOT HIT REPLY! All submissions MUST be sent to jsnider@knox.edu to be considered.

It seems very suspicious.

Alternative theory: the email is an obvious (and somewhat heavy handed) red herring. Perhaps, another trick to make people think its not this week! This theory would suggest taking applications for friars (a position for which seniors are normally chosen) is similar to the Leadership Retreat held last year. <---- I bet they already know who the friars are, but its just to pretend they are trying to make it fair so people don't bitch when they aren't a friar.

Blood Drive doesn't matter. They've scheduled Flunk Day the same day as a blood drive before. <----- this blood drive was planned months in advance, way before they picked the day for Flunk Day---the blood drive does not show up when searched for:https://www.givelife.org/index.cfm?group=home&advsearch=1<----- Checked, doesn't appear!... Smells a little flunky! <--- False, you should all look more closely. It's online right here: https://www.membersforlife.org/midamerica/mobilesch/bdc_zip.php <--- In addition, the rooms were booked in NOVEMBER, before Flunk Day was probably scheduled. Not saying they wouldn't screw over the Blood Drive, just saying APO had the day first.

Executive Apartments: Loud music and 40 oz. drinking going on! They know.. Flunk Day is tomorrow! They also know... it's Cinco de Mayo today!<---- None of the party goers or debaucherists were from Mexico... get a clue! <----- they were drinking because its the first day with out baseball!

Last year, the art department kids knew the Flunk was coming. It was a perfect storm: pooled resources, enormous social circle, two buses full of people with nothing else to do but sleuth for three and a half hours. At 7 PM, the art kids will once again board the buses. I say we put them to work.

Dean Bailey's official prediction: WEDNESDAY, MAY 6.

7:49 p.m.: Caf. workers confirm that food shipment has come in and Flunk Day is tomorrow. Can you confirm? This could be huge

8.17PM : The African American worker at the cafe was smoking a cigarette. I asked for one, since i was jonesing and was a bit intoxicated. he smiled at me after giving me the cigarette and said "Hope you ready for tomorrow fool". it has to be Flunk day!<----Do you mean Keith? Or did you just want to clarify that none of the white women workers would say "fool"?

The Knox-Sandburg Community Concert Band's Spring Concert is schedule for Wednesday according to Knox's website, but it's scheduled for Thursday according to the Register-Mail (http://www.register-mail.com/stories/022609/CAL_BJ9OQK50.GID.shtml) ...but it also has the dance show scheduled for Wendesday and Thursday.<--Um, that link takes you to the march calender. try this one: http://www.register-mail.com/stories/042309/CAL_BJQOH2UG.GID.shtml where the schedule STILL doesn't show the concert! Also, no one care about missing one dance show when there are multiples. <--- tomorrow night is the final dress rehearsal for the dance show. everyone involved still has to go to the rehearsal, even if it's flunk day, they just won't have an audience. so this doesn't matter. flunk day is tomorrow.

8:53 pm - Friar application e-mail came to seniors today. Applications for Friar status are due Friday. More simply, Flunk Day cannot happen this week. Thank you and good night. <--- I'm willing to bet my left testicle to say that this was written by Jenn, Xavier, Pam, Ginny, or some other Flunk Day Planner. <-- These applications are very new, by which I mean there has been no such thing until this year. It does make the process seem pretty suspect...<--- Friar applications are clearly an attempt to throw us off. A pretty bad attempt, I might add. Did they really think this would fool us?

Just an update: Ginny has said several times that people who go out looking for "suspicious" things in Galesburg (i.e. trailers, amusmant rides, etc.) are wasting their time. They are not keeping anything in Galesburg. We can look at this two ways: 1) If you go for a 2am reconaissance run and don't see anything, it could still be flunk day, or 2) she is just trying to keep people from going on 2am reconaissance runs, and there very well may be some suspcious additions to the grand city of galesburg.

9:03 pm A friend who works in the C-Store just heard from a customer that the caf just got a HUGE SHIPMENT!!!!!!!

9:06 pm - There is some sort of meeting going on in the Centel Lab in GDH right now. They appeared very suspicious and stopped talking when I walked by.<-----CAN WE GET CONFIRMATION, THIS COULD BE HUGE!!!!! <--- No one with a functioning neuron would plan a "super-secret meeting" in a wide-open building during hours of moderate traffic. <-- It is true in fact, as the door is closed and there were only 10 people in the room + 1 member of the Knox faculty.

9:06 pm- Interesting you should say you talked to an "African American worker" outside the cafe today.... cuz i did too! and sure enough i was a little loopy myself. Besides that common factor, we also share the fact that he told us BOTH that tomorrow was the real day of flunk, and to get my shit done, cuz it's about to get KRAZY

9:11 pm- Mary Todd just sent me a picture text holding up six fingers, so, I can only assume that those fingers refer to the 6th of may, flunk day. <--- Or June 6, just to throw everyone off. Or she's looking for the six-fingered man that killed her father 20 years ago.

9:24 PM: Sam Jarvis walked by me in the library. Flunk Day is tomorrow.

9:35 PM: I jizzed in my pants. Flunk Day is tomorrow.

9:43 PM: Cafe workers spotted in the cafe in normal clothes working around 9pm. very suspicious. also, quit posting lame ass flunk shit so we all know if this is real. no one cares whose in the library or been eaten by raptors.

9:45 PM: Pam let me know that she just shaved her legs. Flunk day. And if its not I am going to start blowing things up.

9:46 PM: Jenn Snider is in the gizmo buying a snack, looks like she is working another late night in the Campus Life Office.

9:48 PM: Xavier sent the following:

The rumor mill is alive and well surrounding Flunk Day and this will only add fuel to the fire...

Velociraptors have been spotted hanging with of all people Roger Taylor. I know that it is much to comprehend and that many of our impressions of "The Rog" are totally thrashed. Evidently, a 'Raptor was seen walking the first floor of Old Main looking for the Dean of Flunk. All of a sudden President Taylor accosted the said 'Raptor thinking it was a prospie. President Roger then attempted to recruit same 'Raptor - now Prospie - for the entering class. Imagine an offensive line of 'Raptors for the Prairie Fire football team. Yeah...cool!

But what does this have to do with El Dia de Flunk which was clearly NOT Cinco de Mayo (not a real holiday in Mexico anyway...remember that. Just a the minor battle of Puebla!)? Everything...and nothing. Nothing and something. The impo ssible and the improbable. I had far too much caffeine today, sorry. In the land of the Flunk one does what one can, yes?

So...did I mention H1N1? Remember to wash your hands...no bodily contact is probably the best idea don't you think? And contrary to rumors there is absolutely NO case of this nasty flu on the Knox campus...none...nada...zip...zero. Consider this your public service announcement and remember to wash all appendiges (in case of 'Raptors) on El Dia de Flunk.

Be afraid Knox students...be very afraid as the day of Flunk comes to us all sometime this May. There...now you have a hint!LOL

10:07 PM: Except! This email is totally fake! Look at the font! This does not scream Dean Del Flunk! And why was it not sent through Vicki's email? (<--- because emailing duties aren't required of her at 10pm on a Tuesday night?) Do we really think our beloved Xavier would misspell "appendages"? I call shenanigans! THAT E-MAIL IS TRUE, YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVEN'T CHECKED YOUR E-MAIL RECENTLY Or, some of us are just quite gullible. And I thought Knox taught us to think critically.

im a friar on my iphone. we have been taken, its tomorrow. no joke. <---BS. Pics, &c. <---Friars are traditionally collected at midnight on the Eve of Flunk, at which time their phones are taken from them and turned off so that they cannot send messages such as these. This is why, if you call them after midnight on Flunk Day, it will go straight to voice mail. Just FYI.

10:30 p.m. I heard from Kate McManus that the girl she tutors from Silas Willard called and told her that they will not be meeting tomorrow (Wednesday) because it is flunk day. Kate responded by telling her, that they still may be able to meet because as students, we don't know when Flunk Day is. However the girl was told by her teacher at Silas Willard that the volunteers won't be coming becuase of Flunk day. The blood drive is canceled. I know all this because I'm Kate's roommate. Flunk Day is DEFINITELY tomorrow! Text Kate if you don't believe me.

10:40 p.m. Is not flunk day. But come join me and let's get stoned. thank you. <---Your treat? Where should we meet? Maybe Xavier will read this and bring his 4-foot bong.

10:50 Kate and Arianna went to get juice as mixers at the C-store for tomorrow. Flunk Day is DEFINITELY tomorrow! Text Kate, she's actually getting pumped.

10:54 PM: Large shipment of food being unloaded at the loading dock. <--- Pics or GTFO

10:55 PM: Pic taken (uploaded 11:10PM) Grease truck

10:57 PM: Call every Senior you know. If you cannot get in contact with someone, you can only assume they have been taken, and begin getting plastered.

11:00pm TKS photographer set to take blood drive photos has been emailed that the Blood Drive is cancelled. IT WAS THE ONLY THING STANDING IN THE WAY OF THE FLUNK <- This affirmed from the photographer herself. BEGIN FLUNKING.

11:04 According to campus safety the truck is to take away grease from the kitchen to be recycled. It didn't look like a food truck.

11:07 Tomorrow will not be Flunk Day. It's Senior meeting at Big John's. <--Who the hell cares?<---Senior Meeting e-mails almost always go out the morning of. Perhaps the early notice is in some way tied to the incontrovertible fact that tomorrow is Flunk Day.

11:10 Senior Meeting at Big John's? All the more reason: it's not only Flunk Day, but weekly senior Flunk Night!

11:13 PM: According to people in post, Paige Barnum just received a text message from Xavier saying, "What rhymes with Skunk?" TOMORROW IS FLUNK DAY! Douche. <--agreed. <--- Thirded Douche. <--agreed. <--- Thirded

WHERE DID ALL THE INFORMATION GO?!?! <---Some idiot decided to spam the page.

11:15 PM: stop texting kate. just facebook stalk her and you will know what she knows. also, maybe i just really like juice.

11:18 PM: That sure worked out for everyone. If there isn't anyone M.I.A soon, it's more likely that they will actually be "taken" tomorrow at the Senior meeting, making Thursday Flunk Day 2009. <--- Can't be Thursday. Dance Concert Performance. Flunk Day has fallen on Dress Rehearsals for Mainstage shows before, but never on performances.

11:40 PM: Ugh! Stop being douchey and deleting everything. You're ruining the fun of this page!

EMBATTLED STUDENT SENATE PRESIDENT BELIEVES FLUNK DAY IS ALMOST UNCERTAINLY PERHAPS NOT INDEED TOMORROW.

11:57 pm - Wait, wait, it's not tomorrow! I've recently been in contact with a number of agents on /b/ and they've informed me that a senior Knox student payed 4chan to scam the Wiki Fire with bullshit claims about Flunk Day falling on any day before May 13th. Don't you see? Project Knoxology follows Project Chanology! <--- Any true /b/tard knows that it's been down all day.<--- Clearly, someone doesn't know about the real /b/.

12:05 I spoke with Laura Jorgenson on the gizmo patio an hour and a half ago, and she is on a leave of absence. What is she doing here? When I asked her, she laughed and ran away. I yelled, and she kept running and laughing. Laura holds the answer. Spencer Kingam Graham can substantiate. That's some heavy proof.

12:06 am - I'm going to snoop around, with low hopes. If you don't hear back from me, my body will most likely be in the "Prairie". Best Cover-Effort ever? :P

12:09 am - Derek Hayes finally bought his Flunk Day stash. See you all in the mud pit.

12:14 am - DESU invasion occurred, and was subsided. Some people are looking out for the betterment of the WikiFire. This could be huge.

12:22 am - I accidentally the entire Flunk Day. <------BEST UPDATE EVER. memelol

12:25 am - I saw Jenn Snider go into the Campus Life office. My body has yet to be disposed of on the Prairie.

12:29 am - 2009: the year Flunk Day got Septembered.<---Wait, when hasn't Flunk Day been Septembered?

12:30 am - Are those lights always on in the back of the Caf? <--- Yes.

12:40 am - Founders lab is abuzz with gossip that Flunk Day is Tomorrow (Today). Many of the occupants have left in the middle of their papers.

12:42 PM<--- am! FAIL: Have the Friars been taken yet? Start trying to contact seniors and report back!

12:43 am - Campus Safety officer has come to Founders. I fear I am in imminent danger. My body may yet turn up on the Prairie. There may be a mole.

12:46 am - Quickie lady asked upon the purchase of a 24 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon if the purchaser was "stocking up for tomorrow" and mentioned that alcohol sales had been above normal for the past hour. <- This is a cause-effect piece of information though. No doubt the Wiki's suspicions have influenced the volume of alcohol consumption/purchases in the past hour or two.

12:57 am - i see the school busssssssssss........ aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa <----------- this could be HUGE

12:58 am - TKE Brothers are convinced it's Flunk Day. Of course, they are always convinced it's Flunk Day.

1:00 am - I see the bus too...FLUNK DAYY

1:00 am - Both of the links previously posted for the blood drive show nothing for today. The person who gave the second link where it supposedly showed up was clearly hoping no one would actually check, because THERE'S NOTHING THERE! FLUUUUUNNNNNKKKKKK!!! <---- not true. go search for zip code 61401 and 10 miles out and knox college comes up. https://www.membersforlife.org/midamerica/mobilesch/bdc_schedule.php?page=zip&pdistance=5&zip=61401&did=188281&region=2

1:02 am - overheard a bits of a conversation inside P-House about planning a scare (yes I listened through the window). Planned trajectory: quads, post, apartments. Involving dozens of seniors. IT'S ALL FAKE. They are trying to pull of "the biggest scare in Knox History". It is not today. <---- Fo sho. I hear there is going to be a HUGE scare.<--- doesn't mean anything. It could still be flunk day

1:05 am- Above poster is correct about blood drive. Check for yourself. https://www.membersforlife.org/midamerica/mobilesch/bdc_zip.php <----Link has the parameters of "midamerica", if you search by city, only three states come up, none of them being Illinois.

No blood drive listed. <--- Do 10 miles. <----- tried up to 30mi, nothing came up<-- I was the "above poster" I checked again and it came up. Then I tried again a few times and it's not coming up anymore. Looks like the Red Cross site is having problems, or perhaps Xavier has infiltrated them is taking the page down periodically just to flunk with us. <-- click on this link https://www.membersforlife.org/midamerica/mobilesch/bdc_schedule.php?page=zip&pdistance=5&zip=61401&did=188281&region=2

1:08 am - Conger has a water balloon sling. Good fun.

^this picture is HUGE <-------- literally Anyone else think Helmut looks kinda sexy here? No? Yeah, I'm going to bed.

1:18 am - Reputable Quad RA seen curled in the fetal position sobbing uncontrollably. It must be Flunk Day. (Noo Felicity! Why did you sleep with HIM? He doesn't LOVE you!!!) <---- Reputable RA needs a life <---- Trust me.... I'm your RA.

1:35 am - This page has gone suspiciously quiet. Clearly everyone is convinced and have moved on from wikifiring to drinking. <--- Clearly, you are naive because Flunk Day clearly does not exist!

1:42 am the TKEs are always drinking that doesnt mean its flunk day. also Dan pers isnt even on UB why would he be a secret planner?

2:02am I wonder if Flunk day is really TODAY... can anyone tell me that they for sure know it's flunk day?? (with more concrete evidences)

2:05 am - Has anyone done any contact checking, or are we just going to leave it at that?

2:10 am - A guy was totally witnessed walking down a street.

2:12 AM: OK, I was in Wal-Mart at 11 PM (do not ask questions, blindly accept) and I saw at least 5 or more Knox students there.<--- it does not really mean anything, does it?? Knox Student go to Wal-Mart quite often ... <-- buying booze and mixers on a Tuesday night? Really?<---Have these people never heard of Hy-vee?

2:15 am - POSSIBLE SECURITY BREACH! I just checked the properties on that picture of Helmut supposedly leaving the caf around 1:10. It says it was taken on 4/30/09 at 10:21 am. What is more, it was not taken with a camera phone at all (as the graininess of the photo would suggest) but rather with this camera, http://www.amazon.com/Panasonic-DMC-FX01-Compact-Digital-Stabilized/dp/B000EBOC9U, which ought to produce a quality picture. Is it possible that someone among us, skilled in the finer arts of photoshop image darkening and noise distortion filters trying to flunk with us? <--- It looks 'shopped. I can tell by the pixels, and from having seen a few 'shops in my day. <-- slow shutter speed and high ISO would create this even on a good camera. And this is not photo shopped the lines where the bar crosses his leg are too crisp and precise for someone to be able to do that. <-- I DON'T THINK IT'S APPROPRIATE TO TALK ABOUT HELMUT'S FINE MAN-LEGS ON THE INTERNETS <-- Haha. Also, in my original comment I was not suggesting that he was pasted in or anything. Just that the picture was darkened and that noise was added. This has nothing to do with crisp bars. Furthermore, how do you explain the picture being taken on 4/30/09 at 10:21 am!?! <--------could be that the date was not set correctly in camera to start with. also the ceiling lights that light up the back wall. i would imagine they wouldn't be on during the day and trust me its not easy to photoshop those in there. also, if you look at the shadow casted by his body on the ramp, its pretty natural and blended in with the rest of the ramp. but if u think about it, the ramp faces west, in order to cast a shadow on the ramp like this the sun would need to be in the west sky at 10:21am...hmmmmm. <-- Yeah, I did notice the lights, but still, I dunno. Also, just looked back at the properties and the iso was 320 and the shutter speed 1/8 sec. <------ but also notice f/2.8 here. upon testing it with this exact combination(iso 320 1/8 at f/2.8) on my camera under not so ideal lighting, the picture seemed reproducible <---For fuck's sake, you all sound like you're discussing the Zapruder film or something. <--- Just mad cuz ur photoshop skills are the weakest of sauce.

ITSSS FLUNK DAYYYYYYYYY AND IVE PUKED 3 TIMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <-- Freshman

2:52 A.D. Flunk day pit is completely dug. Much thanks to residents from Elder, seymour, and whatever that building is in front of the mudpit. FLUNK ON DUDES!

....................flunk day god............i need u............................... 3:34 AM Bob Cassens claims that 'Glen' a TKE and a friar, has let his housemates know that today is the day. Fuck all living things if it is not the day.

4:01am TKS just updated their website predicting that today is flunk day...now this IS huge LINK:http://www.theknoxstudent.com/newsroom/ <--- does TKS know???

4:31 TKS finds out when the rest of you find out. The Flunk Day edition was printed a long time ago at the Register Mail and sits waiting for the Friars. The website changes were prepped months ago but TKS is just guessing in a rather clever attempt to become more relevant as a news-breaking rather than news-reporting media outlet.

4:56am um.. flunk day scared? or is real flunk day????? @@ <- I Don't know, but I'm hearing a lot of yelling. No email yet tho... (also wondering how much im going to regret staying up til 5 if it's not...sonofa...) -XZ

5:13 am - Can anyone explain to me what this flunk day thing is that everyone is getting worked up about?

5:20 am- a large group of guys, possibly Betas, were seen near the Asian Culture House. they we're putting on shirts, probably, flunk day shirts! Also, some seniors were seen carrying grocery bags to the same location!

5:37 a.m. Friars on the move.

5:41 a.m. It's fuckin flunk day biotches!

5:44 a.m. lots of noise. No email? No Bell?

5:48 a.m. seriously where is the email?

5:52 a.m. sorry kids, Knox just has a very organized, active senior class who put on a massive scare. today is not the day.

5:56am. the email usually comes at 530am/>?? is this just a big flunk day scared?

5:56 a.m. clearly not flunk day. go back to work.

5:57 a.m. Helmet appears to be setting up the breakfast table, but nothing else is set up on campus (as seen through upperclass post window) Is it flunk day, or is Helmet just fucking with us?

6:05 a.m. Xavier has sent the email, it is Flunk Day.

Stop texting me! Stop calling me!

YES...YES...YES...YES...it is the Day of Flunk...El Dia de Flunk...the day is here!

Once again we enter into this mos hallowed of Knox celebrations and traditions...Flunk Day 2009. Have a great and SAFE day. Celebrate our distinctive culture and remember...the day is to Flunk!

Happy Flunk Day 2009...and watch out for those 'Raptors...they stalk in the Prairie plot!

-xavier

7:50 a.m. - The entire senate exec board has been eaten by raptors so an impeachment is no longer necessary.

11:50 a.m. - So can we get any definite confirmation on this whole flunk day thing?

9:50 a.m. - is senior meeting still on?

12:14 p.m. - Come on guys, it's just a scare, go back to bed.

7:55 p.m. - I would like to enter for the record that the premise of the lead story of the TKS Flunk Day edition ([1]) is suspiciously similar to a scampish edit I made to the Knox College entry on Wikipedia a full three and a half years ago ([2]). Scandal!

7:58 p.m. - Helmut almost hits me while driving really fucking fast down South St.

11:40 pm - Mere hours ago, individuals in trucks and wearing "Event Staff" shirts witnessed near Seymour and Old Main. Can anyone confirm? THIS COULD BE HUGE.

Thursday, May 7

THUNDERSTORMS PROJECTED IN MAH PANTZ!!!!

Someone deleted everything that was typed in for this day. This has got to be the work of the flunk day planners. Flunk day is on this day. 11:34 pm Madeline Weiland, Sam Jarvis, and Elaine Wilson are studying for a physiology exam. Flunk Day! <--- Holy crap, a message from the Future!

At roughly 10 AM on Wednesday a truck was spotted in the loading dock. Possible flunk day delievery?

Wednesday, May 13

Now that we all know Flunk Day was May 6, I think we can pretty much confirm it will most probably be May 13. Pam said so.

What?

Probably the last day Flunk Day could occur would be today. It generally does not happen this late (the latest it has been in approximately 6 years was Flunk Day 2007 on May 8th), none the less we know our friars like to feel original. They try to be tricky, we must always remember this. Some might say today isn't likely because of the NCAA Golf Tournament in Florida (Golf got screwed last year so they won't get screwed this year), however, it is important to remember that many a sports team has been royally fucked over in the past (see Flunk Day 2007 and Flunk Day 2008). Additionally, there is a GRE prep course which barely matters (see Wednesday, May 6). In all likelihood Flunk Day will happen before this day, but we cannot rule it out. One thing is for sure, if you have not acquired the traditional alcohol stash by today, you're screwed.

The events calendar was updated and Union Board now has an event on this day... possibly the night event for Flunk Day? <---- I noticed this too. It seems likely. <---True, but everytime Union Board has brought a comedian to campus this year, it's been on a Wednesday. I think it's just an event; not related to Flunk Day. <--- This is not just a COMEDIAN! This is a comedian that performs MAGIC TRICKS! Not only that, but he was named ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR! (although no one quite knows who gave him that title). This is obviously a SPECIAL and UNUSUAL Wednesday!<----Holy shit, this better be Will Arnett!

Thursday, September 10

Xavier is just sneaky enough to have Flunk day next fall. The only event that day is convocation, which is likely just cover.

Conspiracy Theories

People, honestly, we can find SOMETHING on every day of the rest of the plausible Flunk Day dates that may mean that it can't be "that day." Obviously, somewhere along the lines, someone and/or something is going to get screwed over OR is fake. Deal with it.

IMPORTANT FLUNK DAY UPDATE: NO, SERIOUSLY: OVERHEARD IN THE CAF FROM CAF PEOPLE: Flunk Day will NOT BE until after Mother's Day!

There is quite plainly something in the water.

It's Swine Flu.

April 27

Monday, April 27 was obviously a high-level scare organized by some high-level Flunkistrators. There seems to be, according to observations very credibly posted on this very page, evidence of vehicles moving around between parking lots. There would also seem to be evidence that this page is being watched, if not also doctored, by those very same Flunkistrators. Therefore, beware! They are watching us, the vigilantes, just as much as we are watching them!

^Indeed. But the inevitability of Flunk Day means they can only hold out for so long. There are more of us than there are of them. Let's hope.

Given the periodic whitewashing that is occurring regarding velociraptor sightings and the late Sherwood Kiraly, we are faced with a horrifying likelihood: the velociraptors have learned to edit wikifire. Or, more likely, people are annoyed at the fact that others are being really stupid about raptors where others are actually trying to figure out if it is flunk day. Half of the fun is the anticipation, and the whole velociraptors crap is just stupid and annoying. <----- Velociraptor sympathizer. <----- Or just a velociraptor.<---Either way, that person/dinosaur sucks. The raptor jokes and death of Sherwood Kiraly were hilarious. Shame they were erased. <---- Couldn't agree more.

denied Yintense!

April 29

The data has been obscured and deleted numerous times. Of that we are certain. Whether this is due to penguins, velociraptors, tech-savvy Flunkistrators, or trollish first-years lacking in the "sense of humor" department remains purely speculative. <--- It's not trollish first-years, it's an inside job! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!

Rotund alumni is staying at Knoxville Super 8 (which is technically a Galesburg Super 8) and there is one truck here: it says, plainly, "furniture". He is suspecting today is not Flunk Day, and will now take off to Chicago to continue his decadent junket.

May 1

Fieldtrip to Farmland CANCELED because of SWINE FLU. Obviously Xavier invented SWINE FLU as an ENORMOUS COVER UP. May 1st is FLUNK DAY. <---- ok first off, that was planned for thursday apr 30 and secondly, it wasn't a fieldtrip it was seven students going to the plant for a project. Stop being lame and go work on some midterms.

Rumors of a Mos Def concert scheduled to be on campus Friday, May 1st. Last year Lucky Boys Confusion was used to cover up Flunk Day. Is the Mos Def Concert for real? Does anyone have proof? This could be huge. <--that is definitely false. they tried contacting him too late in the game.

Off the hint of the velociraptor shenanigans being an inside job, the following was found: "velociraptor awareness day - April 17. on this day, you should remember those who have been killed by velociraptors, watch your children closely, make a floor plan of your house(complete with emergency escape routes), and warn your neighbors about possible velociraptor entry points(picture windows, screen doors, sliding doors, any doors that aren't locked, garages, and chimneys)" (wikiality.com/velociraptors) TOO LATE, INSIDE JOBBERS.

If you have any questions, visit this website for more information: http://www.velociraptors.info/ It will undoubtedly address any of your concerns.